Inlaws....long sorry

[flaxensunshine]

I dont have a fantastic relationship with my inlaws due to many things that have happened in the 12 years that me and DH have been together/married, but we tend to just get along for the sake of DH.

FIL had a massive heart attack on thursday last week...totally unexpected, he is only 59, not overweight etc. He was rushed to hospital, and me and Dh spent the whole time between then and now between work and the hospital. MIL is deaf and is unable to communicate with the hospital, so that has all been down to me and DH, and then for us to let everyone else in the family updated etc. MIL has been hysterical as she tends to look on the bad side of everything. I have had her here to stay, cooked for her etc, and I work full time and have DS 13, and DD 8.

Now I was happy to do all this as it was a dreadful time, and we were all really worried. FIL is now home, all ok and has had 3 stents in his arturies. he is tired but will make a full recovery.

We are due to fly to Majorca next tuesday on holiday, (which was up in the air whether we would go or not) and I have as always DONE EVERYTHING for this holiday, both DH and me work full time, but it has been down to me to shop for everything, organise everything (passport renewals etc) and just generally organise the holiday.

DH has thursday off work and has said he will be spending the day over at in laws....thats fair enough, he has obviously had a real shock and wants to spend time with FIL.

But then he says we are all going for the weekend aswell!!! Now i am not being funny but the weekend is the last chance we have to get verything sorted for the holiday....packed, last things purchased, house cleaned etc and i dont have time to go to inlaws ofr the weekend!!!! So he says he will just go on the sunday with the kids and I can do everything....as per bloody usual.

AIBU?????????????????

Why not do some packing/cleaning in the evenings and suggest he helps with whatever is left to do on sat morning or you clean he goes buy the last bits and bobs then go round sat afternoon and Sunday? I'd get the kids to muck in too as they're 8 and 13, I did 'chores' at that age. Approach it in a 'the quicker we gets x jobs done, the quicker we can go visit grandad' way so they'll be enthusiastic about helping.

Agree with others this is not the time to confront him on sharing holiday arranging duties.I would personally get as much done after work as possible leaving the most amount of free time at the weekend to visit under the circumstances.its great your fil has been given the all clear but your dh and dc will still be worried and will feel better for spending time with him before the holiday.

Hope you all have a lovely holiday OP

agree with the others. Understand you are miffed at your DH's lack of contribution to family organisation but now is really not the time to make a stand.

Let him go off with the kids, you get your bits sorted. How you support him now will be crucial to your future relationship. Problems aside when a parent falls ill however they've behaved it is still deeply felt. How do you want him to support you when faced with a similar situation? How do you want to model to your children how you take care of others at a time of need?

My father has had 2 heart attacks so know very well how it can throw the whole family.

When you've had some time and distance from this immediate crisis you can tackle your DH's input into family life. Be thankful he survived the attack and that you are still going on holiday. It could have worked out differently.

YAB totally and utterly U. I am assuming that both of your own parents are fit and well if you are so unable to empathise with your DH at a time like this. Get them round to help you and be very very grateful that you are not cancelling your holiday because your DH is too scared to leave his side or, worse, for a funeral.

I can understand why you are upset and feel put out but lets put this another way. Your husbands dad has had a heart attack. He wants to spend time with him

How would you be feeling if your dad had a heart attack and your DH said you couldn't spend a weekend with him before going on holiday.

I sometimes think we get our knickers in a twist over in laws and our DH's relationship with them, in may cases I can understand but unless there are other issues I'm afraid I can't.

A few years ago DH (we weren't married then) nearly broke up over something to do with his little brother - all is absolutely fine now. Fast forward a couple of years ago, DH DB had a fall and we thought at the time was seriously hurt. It was my birthday weekend, we cancelled everything to go and spend time with him and make sure all was OK at the hospital. Whatever my feeling about him, he is my DH brother.

You can pack over the next few nights, go and see your FIL over the weekend, if anything happened whilst you were away you'd never forgive yourself.