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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking only one of your DCs on holiday

37 replies

Chunkamatic · 07/06/2011 00:21

Ok so Myself, DP, Ds1 (3.4) and DS2 (16mo) have arranged to go on holiday with DP's best friend and wife and their DD (9mo).

We are not much looking forward to it as we will be staying in their apartment which they have been to often, and having two toddlers is very different to having one baby. So our approach has been to try and lower our expectations of how actually relaxing this might be.. i.e not to imagine that there will be long boozy lunches followed by hours lounging in the sun. Instead to prepare for children that won't sleep well due to unfamilarity/heat/illness derived from aeroplanes and snatching a couple of hours when they nap in the afternoon. We have tried to underline our concerns to our friends and they seem to understand so lets wait and see.. until...

DP comes up with genius idea that we should just take DS1. Leave DS2 with grandparents. This is, apparently, because I am always advocating avoiding stressful situations with toddlers. FFS I am, but in the style of dont mention chocolate when just about to sit down to eat lunch, not abandon one of your children because they don't quite fit your idea of a holiday for a week! AIBU? He says yes, he is only just over ayear and a week at nana's would be holiday in itself for him . I say this is bonkers, you cannot select one child over the other, and even if he doesn't understand now he will soon come to hear about it from older brother when he is older!

I am a 2n dchild and cannot imagine how hurt I would have been knowing my parents had chosen my sister to take on holiday, no matter at what age.

DP is an only child and has no grasp of such things. Only that I am a stupid hippy (his words, not mine).

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 07/06/2011 08:35

I would think that the DC will be much happier with grandparents.Mine used to fight to go to Grandma's alone.
However it isn't going to work if you are not happy.

LIZS · 07/06/2011 08:49

I'm really not sure what your concerns are . At least the other couple have a baby themselves and can advise you what you will need to take and what there is to entertain your toddlers locally. Either you know them well enough to all accept that it won't be as an adults only holiday might be,no long lunches and needing to be vigilant, or you just go with the flow and deal with each thing as you meet it. I don't think that leaving one child at home is necessarily going to make it any easier on you as I sense that isn't the real issue.

oldenoughtowearpurple · 07/06/2011 08:53

I don't harbour bitter resentment about my parents going on skiing holidays with my older (10 and 8 years older) sisters and leaving me with my cousins for two whole weeks. I mean, it was 50 years ago. I can completely understand why taking a 2 year old on a skiing holiday with no childcare in the 1960s would have been madness.

And I have completely forgotten that I only got to go once, because my mum broke her leg the year I did get to go and would never go again, even if we'd had the money. I never raise that at family gatherings.

I'm not scarred by it at all. Ask my psychiatrist.

Sorry, have to run, off to basketweaving therapy...

moondog · 07/06/2011 08:55

How unutterably weird.
Have kids and then er... leave them at home while you go on holiday.
FGrankly, why bother having them at all?

lambethlil · 07/06/2011 08:56

Maybe it's just me, but had I found out my sister had been taken on holiday instead of me at any stage it would have caused some major fights growing up - I used to get upset because my baby photos were on projector slides and hers were in photo albums! I insisted that this was a sign they loved her more!

Wow, just wow.

ProfYaffle · 07/06/2011 08:56

I'm an only child and I wouldn't leave one of my dc behind. Feel quite sad for dd2 even thinking about it!

MotherMountainGoat · 07/06/2011 08:56

There's a huge difference between one parent taking one of the children for a few days for 'quality time' and leaving one child behind with GPs on a family holiday. Family holidays are for the whole family, the clue's in the title, duh! If one of the children is doing another activity independently that's one thing, but just leaving them behind is a bit of a poor show, TBH.

But we've done the 'separate quality time' thing a few times, like Mitford's Maid is planning. We live abroad and three or four times I've taken only one of the kids back to visit my mum - in one case it was because I was still BFing DD2 at 11 months, in another I took DD1 to a family funeral at an age where I thought she could understand what it was about but DD2 would be too young. Each time it was no more than 4/5 days, and the other child stayed at home with DH (so they had a bit of dedicated quality time too).

hillyhilly · 07/06/2011 08:59

Family holidays are a priceless opportunity to spend time together enjoying yourselves and building memories. They are not something to be not looked forward to or endured through gritted teeth whilst you are there.
It sounds to me like you have booked the wrong holiday.
If you are having a break without the kids later in the year then this is their holiday, which will in all likelihood mean not having long boozy lunches or hours lounging around by the pool reading a book but having lots of fun with your children, doing what they enjoy (and then getting them to bed early and having a grown up relaxing evening).

GnomeDePlume · 07/06/2011 09:02

I just dont get the idea of leaving behind one of your children because they might be inconvenient! Taking children on holiday builds family history. My DCs are now 15, 12 & 11 and they love the stories/pictures/videos about previous holidays even if they dont remember them.

bluebobbin · 07/06/2011 09:03

Hmmmm

No way would I split the chidren. It's not really about the 3yo telling the 1yo, I think it's more about siblings belonging together (particularly those that are as close in age). I keep my DS and DD together as much as I possibly can, other than when DS is at school and DD is at nursery (in the same place). They sleep in the same bed and they really love eachother. If I took one away without the other, they would be distraught. (5.3 and 3.3). I was very worried about sibling rivalry and was careful never to remove one of them to make things easier. I really disagree with going abroad with just one of them and think it might make things hard when you return. Will the 3yo not ask where his brother is? My DD is the same age and would ask probably 100x a day where her brother was and why.

TheBride · 07/06/2011 09:05

It sounds to me like you have booked the wrong holiday.

I think the OP realises that, but is now trying to work out how to make it do-able. Have to say that 3 toddlers and 4 adults in an apartment is not my idea of fun. Neither of the children will remember this holiday btw so it's only the parent's memories that are important.

pozzled · 07/06/2011 09:07

When I was younger I was left behind with my mum when my Dad took my siblings away for a week long holiday. (My parents were divorced). I don't know exactly how old I was, but definitely old enough to understand what was happening and to remember it. But I've never had any problems with it, I know perfectly well that it wasn't that I wasn't wanted- it was just that the holiday wasn't suitable for someone my age and both parents felt I'd be better off staying at home.

I don't see that leaving one child at home automatically causes problems, it depends on how it is done. But I am with those who wouldn't do it just for convenience, only if there was a really strong reason not to take them.

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