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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that once nieces/nephews reach 18 you stop buying presents for them?

32 replies

Cupawoman · 06/06/2011 17:30

I have 7 neices and nephews, aged between 15 and 21. We always agreed that once they all reached the age of 18 the present buying would stop. In practice this has proved very hard to do as the 3 18+ ones are all students. When did you stop buying birthday/Christmas presents for nieces and nephews?

OP posts:
borderslass · 06/06/2011 17:34

Apart from big birthday's 16, but I have 14 nieces and nephews and a great niece and great nephew.

slartybartfast · 06/06/2011 17:35

it is awkward. i have heard this before. however if the oldest is 18 and has younger siblings, how do you get round that?

Happymm · 06/06/2011 17:37

We say 18. Works for our family, it's too much to keep going, and too expensive. Plus also, some I hardly ever see now they're older so wouldn't have a clue what to get and would forever be sending vouchers....x

borderslass · 06/06/2011 17:38

It evens out in the end they all get the same amount in the end.Unless there are any SN's if at 16/18 they don't understand there is something far wrong.

squeezemebakingpowder · 06/06/2011 17:39

I always get them birthday but not Christmas after 18, except 3 of my nephews, 22, 23 and 26 I don't even get them birthday presents because I never see them! I have great nieces and nephews too, that I don't buy for at Christmas even though they are 2, 6, 9 and 12, but always buy birthday presents! It can get very expensive so I think as long as everyone's in agreement with not buying, and they stick to it then I think it's reasonable not to bother!

lesley33 · 06/06/2011 17:41

We stop at 18. Although we do also give a big present when they reach 21. I don't think it matters if they don't get anything and their younger siblings do - they will be 19 when this happens, more than old enough to deal with this.

The only exception to this would be if adult neices and nephews gave presents back.

Original poster
Cupawoman · 06/06/2011 17:42

Thanks everyone.
Slarty Hello again (from the GCSEs thread). The agreement was to keep buying presents for the younger siblings until they also reach 18. But this still feels unfair, particulary when birthdays fall close together.
Borderlass Wow, 14 nieces and nephews. I thought I had problems Grin

OP posts:
nagynolonger · 06/06/2011 17:55

In our family we stop at 18 for Christmas and birthday presents. All DC have known this was going to occur. The eldest in a family obviously stops getting gifts and younger sibs are still getting them. It makes no difference if they are students or working it is important to treat everyone the same.
I do still send birthday cards and they are invited to family gatherings. We do buy wedding presents and small gifts when a new baby arrives. It doesn't mean that we will continue buying for great nieces/nephews until they are 18.

We have a large extended family and have had six children of our own so it is necessary to draw a line somewhere.

Adversecamber · 06/06/2011 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

psiloveyou · 06/06/2011 18:39

We still buy for them even as adults. We buy for our brothers and sisters so it would be unfair not to buy for them.

I can see how it would be difficult in a large family though.

ginmakesitallok · 06/06/2011 18:44

We still buy for our neices and nephews - 23,22,19,13, 11 and 4. We're very close to them and I don't think it's excessive. One set of parents told us to stop at 18 - but we ignored her

GnomeDePlume · 06/06/2011 18:53

We still buy for Christmas but not birthdays and only for the nephews/nieces we see. However, the presents are now much more of the token variety. The good thing is that when they are this age and poor students a bottle of wine or an exotic food parcel is just the thing.

reelingintheyears · 06/06/2011 18:59

I would stop at either 18 or 21.

My Aunts and Uncles stopped when my Brother and i were 21.

My Brother stopped with my DC when they were/will be 18.

Seems fair enough to me.The older ones are old enough to understand.

tallulah · 06/06/2011 19:17

We stopped at 18. Unfortunately their parents then stopped buying for our DC even though they were considerably younger (and we were buying for theirs long before we even had children).

mollymole · 06/06/2011 19:27

we buy until they have children of their own and then buy a small gift for the child and something like a bottle of wine for the adult

FionaJT · 06/06/2011 20:48

I'm 38 and I still sometimes get birthday/christmas presents from my Aunt! I wouldn't expect one, though, and we are quite close, and she loves buying people presents. And we're not that big a family.

katvond · 06/06/2011 20:52

We said 18 too but then DH sister carried on buying for our nieces and nephews so we carried on buying. It's usually £10 in a card

fivegomadindorset · 06/06/2011 20:53

18, 21 for Godchildren.

pointydog · 06/06/2011 21:04

It depends on how many nieces and nephews you have and how often you see them.

I've not got many and I see them at Chrsitmas and have been to their family 21sts. So we get them a present. They are at that skint age.

wikolite · 06/06/2011 21:09

I still get presents from my aunt and uncle now, I would always buy presents to be honest

golemmings · 07/06/2011 09:02

DH stopped buying for his godson at 16 - but that was in response to a complements slip which said "thank you for my present from X". Since GS's birthday was boxing day and dh had gone out of his way to do 2 presents every year, wrapped in very different paper he was a bit Shock and decided that enough was enough. Interestingly then now get on much better through facebook and have discovered that they do actually have some stuff in common!

chocolatehobnobs · 07/06/2011 10:17

We do presents for cousins sons 18 20 21 (they live close and are like extended immediate family). This is partly as the boys love DH in particular and buy us presents themselves for birthdays and christmas. We are in our 30s. If our gifts were not appreciated we would stop. In general 18 is a good cut off.

Ooopsadaisy · 07/06/2011 10:20

DP's family is huge. Presents stop at age 13. With the exception of wedding presents (obviously).

lovemyskinnyjeans · 07/06/2011 10:20

My family does this - 18 is the last one. It's their choice to study, not really sure that should influence the buying of gifts...

saffronwblue · 07/06/2011 10:40

Presents go on forever in my family. DNs give us very generous adult presents now too.