To ask about contentious parenting choices...

[InFlames]

Inspired by the thread the other week about having Very High Standards For Myself As Future Mother.....

Before I had DS there was a (long) list of things I thought I'd never do / didn't agree with / researched and wanted to stick to guidelines / had big judging pants on when I saw others doing....:

• Exclusively breastfeeding - had expressed milk at 4 weeks and a couple of formula feeds at 5 while I was in hosp, 1 a day from then onwards.

• Not weaning until 26 weeks....lasted til 21 THEN researched thoroughly and changed our minds

• Not using a dummy - lasted 3 weeks with DS sucking his thumb anyway....

• Not use jars / puches but homecook organic food..... OK so he has SOME homecooked food...

• Only using the extortionately priced cloth nappies we bought prior to his birth....About 50/50 spilt.

• Moving DS out of our room at 26 weeks ..... jury's still out on that one but thanks for ALL the advice :-)

There will be SO many more as he gets older.

Just wondered what 'standards / choices / rules' you all had prior to child's birth that went out of the window / changed / were found to be Slightly Unrealistic.

AIBU for thinking that the above things do not make me a terrible parent, and wishing I had known this BEFORE so I was less hard on myself when the first time came up with all these things and more flexible in my approach?

I was dead against dummies but changed my mind rather quickly when DS1 turned out to be a very sucky and slightly refluxy baby. We were so concerned about him being addicted to it that we ditched the dummy at 6 months (only for him to start sucking his fingers anyway)!

With DS2 we tried to introduce a dummy early on and he wasn't having any of it! I think I've tried every type of dummy on the market but, except for a handful of occasions where he sucked it just to mess with my mind, DS2 has rejected every single one.

I've pretty much stuck to everything else though (apart from no tv!) but then I didn't set my standards too high to start which helped on that front! Parents-to-be definitely need a reality check before the baby arrives to prevent them setting themselves up for a fall!

Well, I obviously grew up in a very 'relaxed' household because I don't think I had many pre conceived dos and don'ts. I thought babies were supposed to eat jars of food until they were able to cope with lumps(what's wrong with organic pouches - it's soul destroying to spend all day peeling and pureeing veg that your baby doesn't then eat!) and it wouldn't have occurred to me not to put a baby in a pram. Where the hell else are you supposed to put them when you go out? Mine have all had dummies and although I've bf (some times longer than other times), none of my children are strangers to formula milk.

They are all fine btw

I'm a teacher and was always very cats-bum-mouth about parents taking their children out of school for holidays in June. Well, fast forward 10 years and DS gets out of school every April or May for 2 days to go with his dad to visit his grandparents in Spain (too hot and too expensive in July or August).

As my SIL wisely says, "In rearing, be sparing!"

Exclusively breastfeeding - I was always hopeless with breast feeding.

• Not using a dummy - lasted 3 weeks with ds1, 3 days with ds2 and ds3's had one in SCBU which was ok as I had purchased them before he was born anyway.

No television - ds1 was about 4, ds2 about 2 (obviously because ds1 was watching it!) I think ds3 has been watching it from birth.

Homemade food - Ds1 had mostly homemade food, very fussy now. Ds2 had 50/50, fussy but not to the extent of ds1. Ds3 was weaned on Hipp organic ready meals and will eat anything (favourite food broccoli)

TV was the one I really cared about, and the one I didn't stick to. Mostly because DH thought I was being PFB and we shared SAHP duties, so his opinion carried as much weight as mine (what was I going to do, give up work to keep an eye on him?).

I have this completely made-up parenting formula I work by: 90% of good parenting is providing food, shelter, personal care and a lot of love. 9% is modelling good behaviour yourself. The other 1% is all that homemade purees and reusable nappies and organic cotton that we all spend so much time angsting about, and reallly that is not about the baby at all, it's about us, as mothers. Which is a different thing entirely.

I think my perspectiove on this is influenced by my own up-bringing. Here goes:

My mother (19, single, I was an accident) drank, smoked and lived on junk food right through her pregnancy. I was mostly raised by my grandparents, who had had three of their own and were incredibly laissez-faire, which meant formula, dummies, playpins and LOTS of TV (and I mean lots...my knowledge of Dallas, the A-Team, Magnum PI & other trashy 80s TV is literally boundless). I was a ridiculously healthy baby & child, went on to do a PhD in a very good university and am now a (more or less ) fully functioning member of society.

So the moral of the story is lighten up....

Tortoise: your formula is briliant - wisest thing I have heard in years...

Never lose my temper but calmly explain/ distract/ give consequence using age approriateness.

Play with DS for hours on end.

Marry DP (we were engaged), buy a house and have more DC's.

BF for at least a year.

ATM DS 6yo (only child), who stopped BF at 7 weeks when a mystery virus attacked my liver, is sat playing Hornby trains alone. He is chatting to me on and off, whilst I MN, in our HA flat and his dad (who he hasn't seen for 4yrs. ) is marrying his fiance in a few months time. And just to add I did shout when after the 3rd time of asking whilst I was cooking dinner (3 things on hobs) DS ran in to skid across the floor. Did then calmly say help or keep out and he helped me make a lovely lasange.

So now my mantra is:

Smile, laugh and enjoy life because you never know what will happen tomorrow. (and I'm pretty sure whatever babywipe you use is not going to be the thing that causes the change!)

I picked up my dcs as soon as possible when they cried.

I never had a routine.

I fed on demand.

We are still alive and well. My MIL was quite vocal in her opinions but I made it clear that yes, I will BF if possible, I will use disposable nappies..although I did tell her that she could wash re-usable ones if she really wanted to, my dcs will not eat rusks and I will not bring them up to conform to her gender stereotypes.

We still battle away but (most of the time) I let it wash over me.

I didnt have any really just go with the flow. I am that kind of person in life though.