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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

young child left alone in a car

52 replies

pheonix777 · 04/06/2011 23:26

My mother in law left my 4 year old son alone in the car while she popped into a shop to get bread the other day. She did this because he was having a "strop" and would not get out. Apparently she parked right outside and only had her eyes off him for a "minute or so"

I personally find this unacceptable and think there is no excuse at any time for a child to be left unattended in a public place. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
1Catherine1 · 05/06/2011 02:34

hmmm... I have a 10 week old baby which I have left in my locked car while paying for my petrol. I thought it was a perfectly normal thing to do. It would have only upset her to wake her up to go into the shop for all of 2 minutes.

IMO leaving your 4 year old in a locked car for 2 or 3 minutes (I assume it couldn't be opened from the inside either) where your MIL could still see him is as safe as letting him play in your back garden (assuming you have one).

In saying this I do not think YABU. He is your son and his safety is your priority and if you aren't happy with this then you have that right.

TattyDevine · 05/06/2011 02:40

I do this in a car in sight situation - pint of milk, pay for petrol, that kind of thing. I have absolutely no issue with it as long as the car is in eyeshot and earshot.

Whether or not your MIL was being unreasonable - I only think she was if she knew your "rule" or "philosophy" was that you don't do this, and did it anyway. Even then, if he was having a strop, what did you expect her to do? If he was refusing to go in, she needed bread, should she really have to deal with a tantrum over it? If you think so, then I hope you are paying her a good hourly rate...

TheBride · 05/06/2011 02:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/06/2011 03:47

YANBU. Spontaneous combustion and paedophiles are unlikely, but getting out of the car, or undoing seatbelt and bouncing around the car, possibly knocking the handbrake off! are more likely. Particularly if the child is already being naughty and having a strop!

It's a personal choice whether or not you leave dc in the car, but the fact it's YOUR dc, and he was having a tantrum swing it for me.

IloveJudgeJudy · 05/06/2011 14:16

How could a 4 yo accidentally "knock" off the handbrake? YABU.

noid · 05/06/2011 14:20

YABU. 3yo DS2 often likes to be left in the car while I pop into local shop. Not a problem - I'm gone for less than 5 minutes. I'm easy with the risk of car spontaneously combusting, me.

Car is locked. I've never found DS2 out of his seat let alone bouncing around.

But then perhaps I am a Bad Parent as I allow DS1 (5yo) and DS2 to take it in turns to go into the shop by themselves and buy my newspaper with me waiting outside. Ooooh - the risk.

TidyDancer · 05/06/2011 14:21

I think this is about the 'trustworthyness' of the individual child, rather than the risk of the car being stolen, etc. My DS can lose his head very easily, so I wouldn't be happy leaving him. He's 5. MIL wouldn't leave him in her car either, but I wouldn't be happy with her if she did.

So I think YANBU.

TheFlyingOnion · 05/06/2011 14:25

YABU and I am Shock at the poster who has only just starting leaving her 9 yr old. Way to teach your child independence Hmm

My parents used to leave us 3 in the car and tell us if we pressed the button on the handbrake the car would explode... we used to entertain ourselves by climbing out of the windows like the Dukes of Hazzard Grin

whysolate · 05/06/2011 14:26

I often leave my 4 and 3 1/2 yr olds in the car overnight when I pop into the local shops or walk my 7 yr old across the road into school.

They are both in their car seats so can't go anywhere.

IMO it is safer that way, DS is a "bolter" so better that he is in the car than running down the road with me and said 4yr old chasing after him.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/06/2011 14:26

A 4 yo is more than capable of releasing the handbrake.

Mine have never "bounced" about the car either, but it's common sense not a leave a tantrumming 4 yo alone in a car, they aren't their usual selves when having a "strop".

Then again I wouldn't have tolerated one of mine refusing to get out of the car.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/06/2011 14:28

My YANBU response is to this particular situation btw, not in general about parents leaving their dc in cars.

Every situation is different.

HeadfirstForHalos · 05/06/2011 14:29

My parents used to leave us 3 in the car and tell us if we pressed the button on the handbrake the car would explode...

Grin

If I told mine that, they wouldn't be able to resist pushing it- just to check....

darleneoconnor · 05/06/2011 14:29

pah, you think your MIL is bad, my mother left my 3yo playing outside while she was watching tennis. An hour later a 4yo's father brought him back after finding them both on the other side of a 70 MPH road with a bend.

She genuinely doesn't see a problem with this and tells me off if I complain and dont allow her to babysit!

DoMeDon · 05/06/2011 14:32

An adult made a safety decision for your child while she was in charge. You would have made a different one. Neither of you AU to make a decision, but YWBU to have a go at MIL.

TheFlyingOnion · 05/06/2011 14:34

crikey darlene! Shock

zookeeper · 05/06/2011 14:41

YABU. how on earth will you manage to raise your ds without having a nervous breakdown if you don't feel it's ok to leave him for a couple of minutes?

porcamiseria · 05/06/2011 15:19

I thinks it OK (ish) for parents to do it, but literally if parked right by door and you are buying ONE item, no queue etc. But I would not like it if someone else did it, so yanbu.

harrietlichman · 05/06/2011 16:46

YABU if it really was just a case of popping in for some bread.

mercibucket · 05/06/2011 16:49

agree with domedon

DreamingOfABump · 05/06/2011 17:34

YABU. Unless you live somewhere very dodgy.

smokinaces · 05/06/2011 17:48

YABU, it was the corner shop - not like she left them to do a full hours ASDA shop or anything.

My DS1 (4.10) gets left in the car when I drop DS2 off at nursery - for a full 5 minutes. He is in the car, he knows how to open the window and get out in an emergency, he knows to stay put until I come back out, he's right outside the nursery office's window.

I also leave both boys (DS2 is 3) when I pop in the local shop. I keep the car in eyesight, but thats it.

yukoncher · 05/06/2011 17:51

We leave both boys, aged 4 and 1 in the car and lock them in (in proper seats that they can't get out of) while we pop into the petrol station to pay for fuel and maybe buy a snack, we can glance out while ion there.
So I think that's fine.

If you're gonna do a great big weekly shop it's a bit different!

MoaningLisa · 05/06/2011 17:54

I used to always be left in the car, in fact as my parents divorced when i was 4. My dad used to have me and my sister every 2 weeks Fri-Sun. Saturday we would go to the rugby and me and my sister would stay in the car listening to music. (Aged about 10/11/12/13) no big deal.

I also leave my two in the car if i have to pop into a shop, i lock the door, also when i fill up petrol i leave them in the car.

some people can be too precious!

sorry but thats my opinion.

ChristinedePizan · 05/06/2011 17:54

Blimey, if any of your children are strong enough at four to release a handbrake then they should go into the Guinness Book of Records Hmm

MoaningLisa · 05/06/2011 17:59

My children are in a child seat and cant get out.

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