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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if you are going to start a thread about spanking or swinging you should have the COMMON DECENCY...

33 replies

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 02/06/2011 22:19

not to start it till my DS is in bed so I can get stuck straight in without having to wade through 15 pages....

As you were.

OP posts:
caramelwaffle · 02/06/2011 22:23
Grin

(whisper) Hear, hear,

caramelwaffle · 02/06/2011 22:24

P.s.

Have only read the title of that thread: 15 pages you say? (will give it a miss)

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 02/06/2011 22:26

lol

you were BEYOND fashionably late

Thingumy · 02/06/2011 22:27

haha

Finallyspring · 02/06/2011 22:47

Thank you OP. I just popped out for a couple of hours and missed the first 11 pages. I really can't be bothered to read them all so am going to add my piece here. Probably bad thread etiquette but whatever.

Spanking / BDSM types LOVE it when you say they are mentalists/should be ashamed etc. They can go on about how not repressed they are and how excitingly liberated they are and how nobody can dictate what people do in the bedroom blah blah yawn

I find the whole thing boringly mainstream tbh you can buy the costume and equipment in any high street Ann summers and see it all acted out in any pop video

of course you can do what you like in bed. This is 21st century Europe. It's just that I associate sex with easy pleasure. I don't need complicated associations with pain and punishment. Maybe because I think sex is a pretty normal thing to do. Nobody ever told me it was dirty or shameful. Making sex dark and painful seems like something you would do if you are a bit mixed up about it and it doesn't make it ok if it's a man doing it to a woman or whatever. It's a bit like racist/ sexist jokes. I don't want to ban them but no it is not harmless fun. Like s and m sex it's a sign that some people are still mixed up.

cornsilks · 02/06/2011 22:49

can someone kindly sum up that thread for me please, 'cos I can't be arsed to read it

CocoPopsAddict · 02/06/2011 22:50

It always amazes me that people have such strong opinions on the sex lives of others.

Each to their own.

Tambern · 02/06/2011 22:51

I don't like S&M, but I don't have a problem with what other people do in the bedroom. None of my business, and I don't think there should be any judging involved.
Makes for a good thread though

Thingumy · 02/06/2011 22:52

having rape or spanking (or any other kind of fantasies) are wrong if you are a woman.

Finallyspring · 02/06/2011 22:53

And mixed up is not the way to go people ! Hitting your partner for ' fun' or ' pleasure' or whatever is not just a harmless game. It perpetuates the whole idea that sex is indeed perverse and painful. The French call it the English vice. Be liberated. Have sex purely for pleasure and without shame.

Ria28 · 02/06/2011 23:55

Try reading the original thread Finallyspring

Original poster
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/06/2011 00:09

Finallyspring: Rubbish. Go brandish your ignorance on the other thread.

OP posts:
Bigpants1 · 03/06/2011 01:21

"And mixed up is not the way to go people!"

No, and neither is saying Sex should be this way and no other. I am not mixed up re my sexuality or the act of sex.
Until recently, I thought spanking was a bit "kinky", but each to their own. But, my dh and I "spank" eachother sometimes now when intimate. We dont dress up, use whips, put eachother across our knees,(noooo, not for me), but a slap on the buttocks.
I dont consider myself subserviant to men, I dont think I am saying that violence against women or men for that matter, is justified.
No, what I think, in er, "the throes of passion", is this feels good, I like it, please do it."
There is nothing dark or sinister re my sex life, and I dont need to see a Councellor,(sp).
I also participate in bottom sex sometimes-there is really no hope for me, is there! (Apologies, probably far TMI!)

BooyHoo · 03/06/2011 01:23

finallyspring i think you need to read the actual thread.

BooyHoo · 03/06/2011 01:26

all this sex talk has me a bit jittery

tinkertitonk · 03/06/2011 10:34

There are only two interesting questions about sex.

(1) Who is having it?

(2) Why aren't they having it with me?

shirleyshortcut · 03/06/2011 10:36

what about the men who enjoy being spanked, tied up and what have you

are they being exploited and all the other feminist waffle words?

SunshineisSorry · 03/06/2011 10:45

Finally, let me take issue with your post. I suppose i might be one of those BDSM types, but i find the whole costume side of it naff and tend to agree with you, it is a bit boring and mainstream, like trying too hard to be naughty.

I'm not sexually repressed, its fun and escapism, i like it, its all good

Original poster
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 03/06/2011 11:04

SUnshine: People who like to dress up don't find it boring. Surely it's as up to them what they choose to get off on as anything else?

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 03/06/2011 11:08

You are of course right springchicken, just cos i find it boring, they might not - good point, well made! Im probably just jealous cos im a lard arse and would look a bit daft clad in rubber Grin

Punkatheart · 03/06/2011 11:21

I prefer M & S. Or even M & Ms. Our dungeon downstairs got such a pain to dust.

NulliusInVerba · 03/06/2011 12:33

The fact is sex isnt going to be "normal" as you say anymore.

Thanks to the invention of contraception and women having the freedom to have more than one partner in life, sex is no longer what we do to make babies, people have turned it into a hobby.

So all this spanking etc is part of their hobby, its a thing to "experience" rather than to "do".

Also part of the commercialisation of fucking everything.

Chen23 · 03/06/2011 12:38

"The fact is sex isnt going to be "normal" as you say anymore.

Thanks to the invention of contraception and women having the freedom to have more than one partner in life, sex is no longer what we do to make babies, people have turned it into a hobby."

Dear God......

With respect you sound pretty dull and a teensy bit repressed

I'm pretty sure that people having sex for enjoyment waaaaaaay predates contraception and the 'sexual revolution'

Sounds to me like you're looking back whistfully to the days when sex was (outwardly at least) considered to be purely a precursor to making babies, when in fact I'm pretty sure sex has been a 'hobby' for human beings for many thousands of years.

sunshineandbooks · 03/06/2011 12:47

Chen, I'd say for men, certainly. Less so for women. Undoubtedly there were many women who enjoyed sex before the advent of contraception, but there were many, many more whose sexual experiences could be summed up with words such as rape, back-to-back pregnancies, and forced infanticide.

Sex has always had far greater consequences for women than for men. That's only changed comparatively recently, and even in today's society women who have sex with many partners are judged far harsher than men who do the same.

Florence745 · 03/06/2011 12:51

Chen, I was not looking back to anything wistfully - I was making a point in response to something said above about "normal" sex.

In times gone by, sex for a woman was constrained within in marriage and very often resulted in pregnancy. Sex did = baby.