to discuss differences in feeding dd with exp, or should I just accept difference and let it go. but its bugging me and dd wants me talk to him.

Depends on your relationship I suppose, but as it is bothering DD, you should do something.

Either be straightforward and have it out with him. Or if its easier to be a bit cunning, how about DD 'makes dinner for daddy' like a quiche that she could take along with her a few times, get her to paint a (SMALL) plate that she wants to keep at his house, things like that.

Talk to him about child portion sizes. Give him some of those IKEA plastic plates for children and tell him that is enough for a 5 yo. She can't be eating an adult portion.
I would let him feed what he wants though. If she eats healthily at yours it doesn't really matters spag bol and shepperd pies is not unhealthy.

He digestion will have a harder time with the food she is given by him as she is used to eating home made and I would suggest the potential salt levels in what he is giving her (compared with her normal diet) will also make her feel unwell.
Expecting her to eat so much is not on and yes you should definitely bring that up.
One to two meals a week without veg will not do her any harm, although she just may not enjoy the food he is giving her,

YANBU those frozen shepherds pies are full of shit.

But the portion size is a big issue here.

Have you heard about this from anyone other than your 5yr old? I'm just thinking they do tend to exaggerate...especially about amounts.

I wouldn't comment on the type of food - after all she eats healthily most of the time.

But the portion size issue must be tackled. I have a naturally small appetite and I suffered horrendously as a child being made to eat too much. It's unhealthy and psychologically damaging, so yes, I think you need to say something. However, do it nicely: a grown man simply may not realise what a small (girl) child's portion should be like.

It won't hurt her to learn that different food is eaten at different houses. Also, she has a healthy diet most of the time so the occasional ready-meal won't cause too much damage. I wouldn't be happy with the portion sizes though or the fact that she isn't allowed to stop eating when full so I second the advice about telling your ex that the amount of food she's being fed is causing problems. If necessary, supply him with an appropriately sized plate. I've never liked this sitting at the table until everything is eaten rule anyway - even if you have fussy children. Most of the adults I know with eating disorders were subject to pointless and punitive regimes like this.

DS came home from school before with leaflets from Change4Life re portion control (they had adverts on TV too)
www.nhs.uk/Change4Life/Pages/kids-portion-sizes.aspx

If you want to be non-confrontational about it, you could use this - say she's come home from school with info, and you've realised you need to watch portion sizes - ask him to help by using a particular plate / letting her choose her portion size / etc - there are some other tips on there.

I wouldn't be so concerned about the types of food, as you say it is only 2 meals a week.

I don't think the type of food matters that much really as she is eating very well with you and only with him once a week.

Expecting her to eat that much though! He's going to make her ill! Doesn't over eating stretch the stomach over time? Causing people to feel the need to eat more and end up obese?

Is he stupid? Does he not realise that small children eat less?

I would tell him that she was over full every single time, maybe exagerate and say she was really ill?

YANBU especially if it's causing her to have tummy ache. If she is used to mostly good and pure stuff i.e. not packed with additives then it's not surprising she's uncomfortable - this change is just as likely to affect as trying to eat more than she's used to. My sister gets rotten winds if she has anything with MSG in (sorry sis TMI)

The frozen ready meals really are shite you know, really.

Difficult to deal with though - I fear you may end up providing a supply of your own cooked meals to your ex

Definitely approach it gently as he will see it as criticism won't he? Maybe explain to him that you're finding she has a delicate stomach and maybe 'we' should be careful what 'we're' giving her, - might make him feel like you just want him in the loop on sorting it out.

As a start, could you suggest to him that he tries giving her ready-meals designed specially for children - smaller portion sizes and possibly lower salt etc? I think M&S and Tesco do their own ones, or there are things like littledish that they sell in lots of places. Maybe you could buy a couple and send them along with DD? That at least would give him an idea of more appropriate portion sizes for a child.

You could tell him that she's been complaining about the size of the portions. Then it becomes about what she wants rather than being your opinion against his.

i dont think the ready meals once a week is cause for concern, but you could mention she is a little upset as she cant finish the large portions

You could just tell him that she is very upset about meal times, that she is finding eating alone very lonely and that the pressure to eat everything is making her very upset and also that she is in pain after.

You could say that she has told you, but of course you don't believe it, that he says she has to eat a whole adult sized ready meal plus spagetti on the side! "How could a child ever eat that much and not get obese/extremely ill? . . . although she does have terrible stomach pain after she gets home . . . ! Was she right? Do you really expect her to eat that much!" (may need some acting skills for this one)

Didn't know they did children's ready meals. Would be a start I suppose and as someone said would show him the difference in size.

It's also amazing that his new partner who has had young children of her own doesn't realise that it's too much food for a child.

I think the best thing to do would be to discuss with him the eating alone situation, as that's what your daughter is most upset about it seems. Also, depending on what they cook, they could make a meal that your daughter could have at 4.30 ish, sit with her while she eats it and then reheat for everyone else later on. Like a one pot meal etc.

Or, would it be possible for her to have a snack at 4.30 on those two nights a week and then eat with everyone else later on?

Please do something about this. If he keeps forcing her to eat more than she wants, he could be causing her to develop an eating disorder. It is a good thing that your DD realises when she is full, regularly eating more than this will lead her to lose this signal. I feel so sorry for her having read your description.

It is extremely cruel of her dad to do this. You must do something about this.

Obviously ready meals are crap for children. But how about picking your battles carefully? I'd say the portion issue is the bigger problem out of the two, so I'd suggest tackling that first, and when it's all sorted, bring up the food quality issue.

Can you speak to someone official about this? Have you involved solicitors before? Depending on what kind of person your DD's dad is, perhaps it's worth thinking about this as a possible avenue.

I just noticed you said he lives with his new DP and her teenagers - I think living with teenagers may well have skewed his idea of portion size, particularly if they are boys - my nearly-teen DS can eat twice an adult-size portion of most meals and still be back in the kitchen raiding the bread-bin/fruit-bowl/biscuit-tin an hour later. He may not realise that he is doing DD no favours by giving her huge portions.

The making her eat everything is rather more worrying - maybe he has a thing about not wasting food? Or could be a control thing....