to get annoyed at my wife's all nighters?

[James72]

I'm a dad with a 2 year old and a 7 year old. My wife looks after the kids while I'm at work. I'm away on business next week so we agreed that I would take the day off today to give her a lie in. We'd arranged to have a nice lunch and then pick out a kitchen for our new house.

I went to bed around midnight. She was still up. She was still up at 8 in the morning when I woke. She was drunk, watching TV. She stumbled into bed and fell asleep with her clothes on.

She'd spilt a full glass of wine on the table and carpet and not made much effort to clean it up. Remnants from roll ups etc. I've just been cleaning it up.

My eldest knows something's amiss. He sees her drunk and asleep with her clothes on. He asked me if I was home to look after mummy because mummy's sick.

I think it's fine for my wife to let her hair down once in a while but we just came back from a weekend in Paris, so it's not like we haven't had fun recently. We went through a rough patch in our relationship at the end of last year and afterward we resolved things we agreed that the impromptu past 2am evenings would end.

Should I grin and bear it or is she being unreasonable?

[TheFlyingOnion]

Good luck, James72. You sound like a lovely, supportive husband.

[lubberlich]

The conversation lasted less than a minute. She shuts off when she knows she's in the wrong. She seemed embarrassed

This is horrible. And weird. Go and talk to your poor bloody wife and stop providing a running commentary on the internet.

[Tambern]

Best of luck James72, to you and your wife.

[Thingumy]

Good luck Op

You sound a lovely but worried chap.

I hope you can both work through this.

[FunnysInTheGarden]

my god, have you heard yourselves. I say again. If a women posted the OP, the response would have been totally different.

I really am quite shocked and disappointed that a man can't post here and expect to get good impartial advice.

The implication that the OP is to blame for his wife's behaviour is not on, and would have been stamped on in an instant if the OP was female.

James hope you sort it all out. Best of luck to you and your family. Incidentally from what you have said, you are nothing but supportive, and just the sort of DH most of us wish for.

[howdoo]

Agree with FunnysIn, wondered when the man-bashing would start. Like others have said, I love having a drink and sometimes drink too much, but I would NEVER stay up all night drinking, and then expect my husband to look after the children and cancel our plans for the day because of my (chosen) behaviour. Of course he's pissed off with her - I would be livid if my husband did this to me!
She has a problem with alcohol, and she probably went quiet because she knows it deep down but doesn't want to think about it.
James, best of luck - you actually did well to get to so many posts before people started to suggest it was your fault!

[Fluffycloudland77]

My mum used to do similar. We haven't spoken in 5 years I can't cope with a grown woman with no self control and wonder how often I cried as a baby while she was passed out.

[EricNorthmansMistress]

Reading this has made me feel ill :( DH did this a few times when we were going through a very bad patch. I can't describe how awful it is coming downstairs in the morning to find the person you are supposed to be married to sitting in front of youtube, surrounded by empty cans and ashtrays. problem drinking - yes. Emotional stimulus - yes. It's not something he does when he's happy and we're getting on well.

There are some right sanctimonious cows on mumsnet though - if I had posted the OP nobody would be telling me to get of MN and go and speak to him, would they?

[PinkSchmoo]

Totally agree on man bashing.
OP came on for some anonymous support to deal with a really difficult situation. I've seen plenty of threads were a presumably female OP gives a running commentary and doesn't get told to sod off and deal with the problem.
If you come back OP good luck.

[CinnabarRed]

OP, should you read this post then please consider posting a new thread in the Relationships section (assuming you would be comfortable to do so).

There are several posters in that section who are either problem drinkers or the partners of problem drinkers (Snorbs and MIFLAW immediately spring to mind, both of whom happen to be men) and you will get some excellent and impartial advice.

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

Whenever the accusations of 'man bashing' start flying around I wonder if people are reading the same posts as me. What a lot of people respond to is tone - and the OP does give an impression of being a bit controlling of his wife, which is what has started people (including me) asking more questions about the relationship rather than just squealing about AA.
The fact remains that no one can force a problem drinker to stop drinking, and bulying one is certainly not going to work.

[FowlLanguage]

OP your wife sounds like me 7 years ago.
I was depressed, alcohol dependent and talking all night to people online.
Luckily I didnt have children at the time to witness my behaviour. I ended up leaving my husband, moving back in with my parents and seeing somebody who only ended up dragging me down further. I was so very close to being sacked from my job.
My mother finding me at the bottom of the stairs covered in bruises was a slight eye opener.
I was able to sort myself out and get back together with my husband. I still drink but never to the extent that I did.