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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What thibgs gs do you do for your dp that you appreciate them without the sex part[grin].

28 replies

winenothanks · 01/06/2011 16:35

Ideas needed please.

OP posts:
Original poster
winenothanks · 01/06/2011 16:37

Sorry blooming keyboard.

What things do you do for your dp,to show them their appreciated or sorry for something without the sex part.

Ideas needed please.

OP posts:
Gster · 01/06/2011 16:37

that makes no sense what so ever.

CoteDAzur · 01/06/2011 16:37

I would try to help but can't understand the thread title.

LadyThumb · 01/06/2011 16:38

I divorced him !

katvond · 01/06/2011 16:38

What do you mean OP do you mean what can I do for my DH for them to appreciate me without sex?

Homemade pasty,being a cornishman he loves them. A bath together is nice too.

katvond · 01/06/2011 16:39

But to really say sorry to him it as to be a blowjob ;)

CoteDAzur · 01/06/2011 16:39

Tell him? Cook his favorite meal. Surprise night out to his favorite restaurant/bar?

coccyx · 01/06/2011 16:41

but is it just him that enjoys the blowjob? or do you enjoy it too.

cannydoit · 01/06/2011 16:44

i bought mine a wii as a surprise for when he has finished his dissertation, or making him a meal,little texts saying what you love about them, but to be fair i know you said without sex but the easiest and funest way is to strap on some stockings light some candles and wait for him to come home.

katvond · 01/06/2011 16:45

We both enjoy it coccyx,I wouldnt do anything I did not enjoy.

AuntieMonica · 01/06/2011 16:46

so are you asking how to show your appreciation of your DP, that isn't sex?

i don't have sex with my DP because i appreciate him, i have sex with him because i want to

katvond · 01/06/2011 16:50

AuntieMonica knocked the nail on the head,sex should not be a chore,I do it as I love it,I don't do it as I feel under pressure to.
I was only joking about the blowjob bit OP but it does put a smile on his face and mine.

BaronessOrczy · 01/06/2011 16:52

Why would I use sex to say I'm sorry? I just apologise.

Nice dinner, doing a couple of chores that are normally his, picking him up something I know he'd like such as a magazine, breakfast in bed, putting aside stuff I had planned to spend time with him, watching a DVD that he's chosen, running him a bath, playing football, having a laugh, enjoying being with him...there's loads.

But I do it because I want to, not because I want to apologise. If I wanted to apologise I would tell him straight, possibly do him a little card or something and put it on his pillow, arrange his dinner to say sorry (we're quite juvenile sometimes!) but it depends what it is you want to apologise for. If it's a biggie just sit him down and tell him. Your sincerity will mean far more than a token gesture.

katvond · 01/06/2011 16:58

If we have had words I will say "Sorry I have been a right c**t,that breaks the ice,we start laughing and its resolved.
And a snickers always makes him smile too,just little silly things like that.

Original poster
winenothanks · 01/06/2011 17:07

No I have behaved badly recentley,I had a massive argument with him,I was abusive to him and did say sorry.

It was our anniversary and all I did after the incident was ask him to leave because I was so mean to him and felt very guilty about my drunken behaviour.

It has affected us alot ,we did not celebrate ,and I want to show him he is appreciated and I was so wrong,and I feel so bad after he forgave me for being so mean.

OP posts:
katvond · 01/06/2011 17:09

Then Celebrate now cook him a nice meal and says it for your anniversary he will appreciate it. Dress up nice and surprise him

AuntieMonica · 01/06/2011 17:13

tbh, if you were posting about your DH being vile after drinking, you'd be getting advice to leave him, to call womens aid, to make him promise never to drink again.

is that what your user name is about?

Original poster
winenothanks · 01/06/2011 17:14

Thanks Katvond I will .

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Original poster
winenothanks · 01/06/2011 17:15

Yes Auntiemonica thats what my user name is about.

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Original poster
winenothanks · 01/06/2011 17:17

And your right if it was him thats what they would all advice me to leave ,but It was me and im not proud of myself and I have knowone to blame but myself.

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AuntieMonica · 01/06/2011 17:21

don't feel bad that's he's forgiven you, that's great because it indicates there is a proper relationship there.

but.....................you should do something to make sure you don't get in that situation again. are you harbouring anger about something which reveals itself when you're drunk?

i think you should show your appreciation for you husband, and your relationship with him, by getting that 'part of you' fixed

and tell him you are doing it

i hope i don't sound too mean, i'm trying to be kind as it's YOU owning up to it IYGWIM

redexpat · 01/06/2011 18:36

Greet him at the front door as he gets home from work with tea brewing in the pot.

CSI dvd (he loves it), chips, sour cream, homemade salsa, guacamole, beer and a footmassage. He also gets quite excited by pancakes.

Sadly he doesn't see the love involved in making mix cds.

SardineQueen · 01/06/2011 18:53

Say sorry properly and talk about it. Reassure him that it will never happen again, and mean it. I am assuming here that it's not ever going to happen again.

All the usual stuff is nice for more every day situations - little thoughtful caring stuff - but I think what you need to do is talk to him, surely.

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 01/06/2011 18:54

I know you said without the sex part, but... probably the sex part is what would reassure him most - men are simple creatures generally (not to say you don't enjoy it too Grin) but I would suggest some nookie that the he doesn't need to initiate/make the effort for, just to be the recipient...

BooyHoo · 01/06/2011 18:58

you need to promise and prove to him that it wont ever happen again!!
you cant apologise for abusive behaviour with a meal and dressing up. if a partner treated me like taht and thought they could say sorry witha meal and a new outfit i woudl be furious.

you need to sit down and talk properly with him and admit completely that what you did was totally unacceptable and that if necessary you will seek outside help to make sure you never treat him that way again.