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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think maybe I've really annoyed another mum re. my dd's party and wonder should I apologise??

24 replies

in3minds · 31/05/2011 22:07

To cut a long story short - my dd is in reception, and we had a couple of playdates with the first person she sat beside but they never really became friends - no biggie, just hasn't happened). The other girl's mum and I always have a friendly chat when we bump into each other (about once a fortnight or so).
Anyway, it was my dd's birthday a few weeks ago but we didn't have her party that weekend as another kid in her class was having one - suddenly she was getting an invite a week (so we couldn't have her party any weekend since her birthday) so I decided on a date to hold her party (one full month after her birthday), and mentioned it to the other mum in passing. She said ok - my dd's birthday is a few days before that. We sent the invites out yesterday and when I saw her today asked if she had got it and she said 'yes, I received it alright' in a very unfriendly way.....
Should I have asked her if she wanted to have her dd's party on that date (it is the saturday closest to her birthday?) Should I say something semi-apologetic next time I see her? I may not see her, so should I email something apologetic? Would you be annoyed if you were her?

OP posts:

activate · 31/05/2011 22:10

I think you should forget about it

rosie1979 · 31/05/2011 22:11

YANBU. She hadnt sent out invites and you can have a party whenever you like. She sounds not that nice.

ScarlettIsWalking · 31/05/2011 22:12

Leave it totally.

OTheHugeManatee · 31/05/2011 22:12

I think you're waaaay overthinking it. For all you know she just had toothache and pmt when you asked her, and her grumpiness wasn't about you at all.

manicbmc · 31/05/2011 22:13

I'd not worry about it. You've tried to bend over backwards to accommodate other kids' birthdays. Let your dd enjoy hers. And do what's best for you and her in future.

Hope she has a lovely time.

thirtysomething · 31/05/2011 22:14

She doesn't "own" the saturday nearest so you were perfectly entitled to use it! I wonder if she'd intended to have a party that day though and felt she then couldn't but didn't mention it to you, hence the confusion? or maybe because, as you say, they're not that friendly now, her DD hasn't invited yours to her party and she felt awkward?

It's hard in reception as no-one knows when all the birthdays are so clashes with dates happen all the time - nobody's fault, just one of those things. As they get older you can, if you are very organised, check any potential clashes with other mums whose DC have birthdays around your DD's

if you are worried why not ask her if that date causes her a problem, to clear the air?

Numberfour · 31/05/2011 22:14

Not a biggie. You have no need to apologise. She may have been having a really bad day for reasons unknown and her unfriendliness may not be due to your child's party date. Don't take her mood personally.

Original poster

in3minds · 31/05/2011 22:14

ok - anyone else I asked (my dh was not sure if he had sent all the invites) said yes thanks, x is delighted or whatever..and she is normally smiley and friendly...I know it sounds like I'm maybe over-thinking but her reaction suddenly made me think maybe I'd made a mistake - sorry, my dd is my first in school so not sure if there's some etiquette around these things....

OP posts:

ohhappyday · 31/05/2011 22:15

I agree - she hasn't sent out invites yet - forget it and enjoy the party

A1980 · 31/05/2011 22:15

No don't apologise, I don't think you owe her one at all.

Your own DD has had not been able to have her birthday party until a full month has passed since it purely because other parents have been arranging their children's parties. I trust none of them asked you if the dates were ok and wehn your DD's party was being held? None of them considered your DD's birthday in their plans for their own DC's.

The other mum didn't send out invites or object when you mentioned the date to her.

Think of your own DD, no one else did. You don't owe her an apology.

Scholes34 · 31/05/2011 22:16

When my DD started school she was put in a reception class with 30 children who all had birthdays between April and August (the school divided the classes up by age). Once we hit April, it's a mad race to grab a weekend for a birthday party, as she's still good friends at the age of 14 with a lot of the girls she was in reception with. It's a case of those who get the invites out first get the date. Forget it. YANBU. She's probably just cross with herself for not being organised, and if she's cross with you, forget her.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 31/05/2011 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

280169 · 31/05/2011 22:17

forget it, she could have hers sunday ,it happens.Your invites were out first, and you told her in advance.

Hassled · 31/05/2011 22:18

You didn't inadvertently spell her DD's name wrong or cock up the invite somehow, did you? I can't believe it's about the date thing.

A1980 · 31/05/2011 22:18

On a separate note, my friend's DD has a November birthday and she has several times had a birthday party for her on the actual day, after school in a church hall. It's very dark quite early in November and it worked really well.

It's light later in the summer. Is there any reason why it wouldn't be convenient to have a party after school? I used to go to parties after school all the time as a child.

bluebobbin · 31/05/2011 22:23

I know that my DS and another boy have birthdays in the same week. I did discuss dates with the other boy's mother to ensure that the parties didn't clash.

I am not really sure what this woman's beef is actually. You mentioned when you were having your DD's party and she said OK and said her DD's birthday was around then. She should have taken the opportunity to say - oh I've booked softplay for my DD's party on that day (if something like that was the case). It is bizarre for her to get huffy when she knew what you had planned. Perhaps she thought that you would change the weekend knowing that it was by her DD's birthday - if she did think this, she took a step too far with telepathy!

Original poster

in3minds · 31/05/2011 22:24

thanks - I work almost full-time so the after-school option not really possible - so do a few other parents so don't want to make it awkward. When I first told her the date I said it was so long after dd's birthday as it was such a busy time of year for birthdays that we couldn't find a date - she then told me her dd's birthday date...

OP posts:

bluebobbin · 31/05/2011 22:24

Oh, to answer the question, I don't think you have anything to apologise for.

Fecklessdizzy · 31/05/2011 22:25

Whomsoever geteth their invites out first scoopeth the date ... I've had to bump DS2's party twice due to our chosen day being snaffled by one of his mates ... It's just hard cheese, nothing to get huffy over.

Maybe her cat just died or she had toothache or her car had just expensively conked out or somesuch ... Just rise above and take no notice.

A1980 · 31/05/2011 22:26

Of course!

My friend doens't work so I hadn't considered that after school parties might not be convenient. Sorry!

ChippingIn · 31/05/2011 22:30

I would call her and ask if she is OK... give her the chance to tell you what's up - if she doesn't - ask her!

Original poster

in3minds · 31/05/2011 22:31

ok cool - thanks everyone..I was feeling a teeny bit paranoid as my dd had a tough time with a girl in her class who lives beside the grumpy mum and I spoke to the teacher about it so then thought maybe there's been some gossip or something....playground politics!

OP posts:

TeddyMcardle · 31/05/2011 22:33

I really wouldn't worry about it, though you can always ask her in a round about way just to clear the air if you want to.

wellamI1981 · 31/05/2011 22:40

Forget it. Don't say anything. She will probably feel daft for snapping.

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