Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to allow my three year old to have a tantrum?

40 replies

madhousewife · 30/05/2011 09:44

My mother tells me to pick my battles...

This morning my 3 year old wanted TWO straws, not ONE. I wouldn't let her have two and the whole thing ended up with her crying and screaming uncontrollably, being put in her room for a time out and me getting my way. But is it worth it? If she really wanted two straws is it that big of a deal?

Looking forward to reading some thoughtful insights dear mnetters.

OP posts:

beesimo · 30/05/2011 10:45

I think time out and naughty steps are cruel and nasty it is like shunning the bairns it is a strange Yankie idea that chubby nanny woman has a bee in her bonnet about.

SandStorm · 30/05/2011 10:51

I think it wasn't worth a temper tantrum over BUT I do think it was worth you standing your ground once you'd said 'no'. If you give in over the little things it's not long before the demands get bigger and the expectation that you'll give in is there.

So, don't fret about the number of straws she wants but yes, once you've said no you have to stick to your guns.

Original poster

madhousewife · 30/05/2011 11:06

What an interesting read!
The time out came b/c DD started having a tantrum - screaming, yelling, demanding another straw. What would you do instead? DH and I have found this to be the only thing to calm her down, I am very open to other suggestions.
tom hardy - your comment struck a chord with me, I did feel like I was fighting stuborness with stuborness - not a good example.
beesimo - your comment means a lot to me as well, I can feel the kindness in your words, what do you suggest when your LOs are losing the plot, how can you calm them down?
thanks for all the other comments as well - sorry I don't have time to mention a few more names.xx

OP posts:

belgo · 30/05/2011 11:10

madhousewife - time out might be working for you at the moment, but the time will come very quickly when it is physically impossible to use time out - try putting a large tantruming four year old in time out, and keeping the door shut!

I generally just leave them on the floor to finish their tantrum.

tomhardyismydh · 30/05/2011 11:19

my 5 yr old does go to her room when tantruming, i dont use the naughty step anymore because she sits there shouting and screeming and I do find it hard to ignore. but i think that belgo is right that is not always plausible if and when a bigger child is fighting back, I too would just leave them where they are and ignore or move to another room your self in which case further sanctions are required imho. I dont think I could cope very well with a child tantruming at my feet like that, which is why you need to find a solution that works well for you and dcs.

beesimo · 30/05/2011 11:27

The reason she is having a tantrum is she is only a young one her brain is not wired up right yet. That why it is cruel and mean to shun them and go on at them. I have heard some women especially teachers ect talk to their bairns as if they are 40 year old boffins. It is crackers they are babies at three mentally she can understand yes and no grand, but she cant understand the concept of the straws running out and why she should care if they run out ect They don't care they just want 2 bloody straws there is no reason or rhyme to it for them.

They get in a paddy, you watch over them so they don't hurt thyselfs and then say well have you finished your gallop? Now pet your still only getting one straw but come and get a cush of Mam and we'll have a drinky together.

Your her Mam not a prisoner warder in a Borstal

belgo · 30/05/2011 11:29

good post beesimo!

SunshineisSorry · 30/05/2011 11:33

not worth the battle tbh, but i know what you mean about having go so far with something you can't back down. You'll know for next time - i find myself doing this all the time and then thinking, hang on, does it really matter? one straw two straw? go and do something nice with the rest of the day :)

differentnameforthis · 30/05/2011 12:04

IMO, that is a battle you should have been prepared to lose.

differentnameforthis · 30/05/2011 12:10

And I don't mean lose as in give in half way into it, because I wouldn't do that! I meant that I would have let her have 2 to start with.

If dd2 (almost 3) kicks off, I generally ignore her. They don't last long when she realises she isn't getting attention or what she wants.

LisaD1 · 30/05/2011 12:36

Not a battle I would have bothered with. I agree it's wise to pick your battles, although sometimes when in the moment it's easier said than done.

Easy for us all to say what we would have done when we were not there and it wasn't our child pushing our buttons. I'm sure your DD will soon forget all about it.

MerylStrop · 30/05/2011 22:48

Since you ask, when my kids have had tantrums I take no notice and let them get on with it - and make it clear that they can come to me for some comfort when they are through. At 3 tantrums are part of their development IMO, as another poster has said - they can't help it. I actually think they NEED to do it every so often. If it wasn't the straws it would probably have been something else. How you deal with them is up to you but I find it is way less stressful for everyone if they are dealt with in a relaxed and loving rather than disciplinary way.

Loonytoonie · 31/05/2011 00:11

beesimo
Love that answer

DaisyLovesMetronidazole · 31/05/2011 00:57

I think you did the right thing by not backing down and I don't think you were necessarily wrong to not allow her to have the straw in the first place.

With tantrums (which are quite rare among DD1 and DS, but DD2 not quite that age yet), I just pay absolutely no attention. At all.

I would use time out for the likes of hitting, breaking things or name-calling though.

plupervert · 31/05/2011 08:37

I would have been caught out by this straw request, too, but would not have backed down, either! Moaning and tantrumming go on long enough in this house, without encouraging them with success!

But I do like MonstaMunch's suggestion of cutting the straw in two, as a way of totally short-circuiting the conflict. BRAVO!

Flip

1 2