to be sick and tired of other people's kids telling tales

[gaelicsheep]

Hi. Not been around here for a while, but this is really rattling me. I also forgot that AIBU is the only topic that gets answered so reposting here. )

My DS is nearly 5 and, like all boys, can get a little over excited and boistrous on occasions. He was at a party today and no less than three kids came up tp me to tell tales on him - he pushed me, he pinched me, etc. I was watching what was going on and he did nothing worse than any other child. They were all just playing as kids do.

The problem is it is so one sided. My DS will never tell anyone, even if another child really hurts him. I hate that I always feel I have to discipline him, to appease the other kid/parent, and yet it never works the other way.

How would you handle this? The last thing I want is to turn him into a tell tale too but I feel really sorry for him right now. Perhaps I'm asking for it by actually paying attention and being available to tell tales to?

it's quite unusual as well though for children to come and complain to the parent of the offending child, ime. usually my kids go and tell me if someone has hurt them. I wonder why they came to you? (genuinely wondering btw not having a go)

I didn't slag you off gaelic, so don't include me in your blanket 'you're all bitches and I hate you' stereotype of MN ta.

ah, just read your previous post. sounds like you might be setting yourself up as the 'policeman of your ds' in a six year old's mind's way iykwim? does that sound possible or am I just talking crap? have had a few too many wines so could just be that

Ismeyes - the point is that if he bumps into them, accidentally, it gets called pushing by the other child. If he had deliberately pushed them over, as I said, I would not be asking this question. I wish I hadn't written pinching because it didn't happen and tbh I'm not even sure it was said.
I do encourage DS to tell me if anyone hurts him, but he just doesn't - even if it's quite bad. My goodness, he got himself a bad burn on his arm a while back from the neighbour's outside boiler and he didn't tell me for ages and ages, and it must have hurt like hell. :(

I rather wish my original thread in Behaviour had been answered.

Kids of this age are generally tell tales in my experience. God knows the psychological reasons behind it but they just are. If you could see that he wasn't doing anything wrong then why didn't you just say so to the tell taler?! Thats what I tend to do - whoever is telling the tales as my dd is as bad as any of them. Just a dismissive 'no, I was watching and he fell into you, it was an accident' then refuse to engage with the inevitable 'no but' nonsense that follows.

I work with 5 and 6 year olds. I can honestly say that every sinle child in my class tells tales on one another, some more than others granted. But it is so much the norm for this kind of age.

I would monitor and if they are minor things tell them to just sort itthemselves. Tell tem to go and tell him themselves. However, if lots are telling tales on the same child for same reaons then I do think you ned to go and monitor and watch, and possible intervene.

AgentZigZag - that's precisely why I wish there was a delete button. Type in haste and all that. Not been on here for a while and I'm remembering why.

mercibucket - because I was there basically, and the other parents weren't. I was busy protecting an 11 month old who wanted in on the action, and watching DS too. The other parents were not watching. So yes, I think you're right about the "policeman" thing.

If I have been keeping a close eye and I know my DCs are 'innocent' then I will try 'hmmm' or 'did he?' and then look away, or if needed I have said 'well keep away from him then'. Some kids are just little whingers.

If there was an allegation of pinching then I would ask my DC and believe their answer but tell them all I would be keeping a close eye and if I saw any pinching then there would be punishment. Pinching in my book is 'nasty' and I have zero tolerance for that. I would probably turn a blind eye to a bit of pushing on a bouncy castle.

MrsGravy - that kind of is what I did really. Then warned DS to be a bit more careful. But I just feel sorry for him. If he told tales too then it wouldn't be so much of an issue as it would all even out.

Rightho, think I've got my answer which is to not pay such close attention in future and leave them all to sort it out for themselves. Thanks all.

from what you've said so far, I'm imagining the scenario is this:
you are the only parent watching and so sometimes you might tell your ds to be careful or something along those lines
the other six year olds start to see you as a kind of 'teacher' figure but one who's only really interested in the behaviour of one child
so they start coming up to tell you about stuff he might or might not have done but which is no worse than anyone else

the solution is perhaps to step right back from the whole scene and not intervene with your ds' behavior (assuming he is not, in fact, a little hooligan who needs watching constantly ) and let him and the others fend for themselves a bit more, even though this might sometimes end in some tears

you're not in fact a teacher are you? that air of authority can permeate into 'rl'

Awww, don't be hassled by any posters questioning your parenting and reading between the lines of your OP.

IMO, if you know your DS isn't going around terrorising everyone in his path, just don't take other DCs behaviour (or AIBU) too much to heart.

They're not playing by the rules we're trying to teach them because they're only just learning.

I loathe bouncy castles anyway, no end of trouble.

Well he may yet hit the tell tale stage and then you'll rue the day you wished for it - it's beyond tedious! Don't feel sorry for him though, he sounds like a robust little boy who doesn't get upset easily. That's good!

I'm on your side OP, my DD1 isn't really a tell tail, she will tell me if someone something is bothering her, but she certainly wouldn't go to another parent and whine about their child, and I know so many that do.DD1 isn't playing with me can you go and tell her too, DD1 wont sit next to me, all whining voiced little girls whoose parent is sitting right next to me.They do nothing so what am I supposed to to about it.
One girl even wanted me to tell my daughter off for something, and followed me around reminding me that I hadn't done it yet. Arrrgh

I hate tale telling. I'm sure me, my sister and the kids we grew up never told tales all the time. Kids today, eh?

My DD tells tales a fair bit as do most other kids in her nursery class.. Had one or two tell me about things she has apparently done (nothing major, mainly snatching the red felt tip etc) and all I ever answer with is a "is that so?" They've got bored of telling me stuff now

Don't see the point in making a huge deal out telling off a child who is most likely just a bit over excited. I usually pull DD aside and tell her to chill out a bit and if she doesn't then we will go home. I guess it depends what the child who's telling you stuff is saying. "X pushed me" doesn't automatically mean X did it on purpose. Wheras "X gave me a chinese burn" is harder to brush aside as an over excited child getting a bit carried away.

They probably just know they've been pushed over, they don't know whether it was accidental or deliberate.
I am a bit at all the 'accidental' hurting your DS is doing though!