to think that if you don't invite someone to a function, you can hardly be surprised if they dont turn up?

[BooyHoo]

it was the christening of my cousin's baby yesterday. i found out on thursday evening via the following conversation;

cousin's sister: "so, christening on saturday then."
me: "whose christening ?"
CS: "X's little girl"
me: "oh? that's the first i've heard about it. am i invited?"
CS: "erm, i dunno . i'll ask mum and find out for you. you aren't the first person in the family who knew nothing about it until i mentioned it."

so, i heard nothing else from anyone. spoke to my mum on friday evening and asked if she was aware that the baby's christening was on saturday. she said yes. i asked if i was invited, she said yes i was!!

cut to saturday and grandmother of the baby was apparently very surprised not to see me there.

really, what do people expect? is this normal invite etiquette? do people just hold a function and assume you know you are invited?

YANBU OP, I wouldn't have gone either!

other cousins were there, but i have no idea whether they were invited or assumed they were invited.

youcant i am getting a nasty vibe from your posts. as i said in another post, i haven't been to a christening in a long time. i don't purchase dressy clothes hoping that i will get a chance to wear them. especially not for the dcs as they grow so fast. sorry if my standards of attire dont meet yours but i really don't have money to waste on clothes i might never wear. i don't work in an office i am a SAHM and that never requires me to dress up. and yes people would have cared that we weren't well dressed. it wasn't drinks in a pub it was a christening with a function room booked for afterwards. i really wasn't keen on looking like the poor relations infront of all those well-dressed, tanned, manicured and made-up people.

it really is ok if i wasn't invited. as i said we aren't close cousins. i just think the confusion would have been saved if people communicated. the baby's grandmother would have known if i had not been invited, there has been no family fall-out or anything and family that are further in relation were there.

anyway. it isn't a big deal. it was just the reactions of the people involved that led me to believe i was supposed to be there.

I get the picture. :o

if your mother said you were invited why didn't you just call the person concerned and confirm it??? you probably missed out for no reason!

because as i said earlier, i spoke to my mum on the friday evening so with less than 24 hours notice i would have had outfits to buy for me and the dcs and a gift for the baby. i felt that it was too much expense and effort to go to when the parents didn't go to any effort to make sure i knew i was invited. it takes me long enough to chose what to wear every morning let alone having to go into town and try and choose and buy 3 outfits and get them all tried on, paid for plus a gift and then get home and get dressed all in time for the christening. there was no chance i could even have pulled that off.

YANBU. I understand what you are saying re the gift and the outfits.
At the church we attend lots of families do dress up to quite a high standard iykwim.
I generally wear reasonable smart clothes for church (not always) e.g. tunic dress/leggings or nice trousers. Quite often I feel very underdressed if there is a big family christening. That doesn't worry me, but if it was part of the family I would think they might think I hadn't made an effort.

If my cousin didn't send me an invite to her baby's christening I would assume I wasn't invited, fair enough I'm just a cousin. If another relative complained to me that I wasn't there I would tell them I wasn't invited. I am an adult with kids and my own house, I don't expect to get an invite through my dad like a 10 year old.
I don't need a paper invite, an email or phone call is fine but I'd expect something and definitely wouldn't go and take the rest of my family just because my dad thought it was maybe OK.
The OP didn't get an invite, but Christenings aren't that exciting anyway. If the cousin mentions it remind her that she never invited you and you aren't psychic.

YANBU. In my world it is usual to get an invite, via card, text, FB, email or phone call from the person hosting the event before I assume I am invited. And not with less than 24 hours notice either.

YANBU

We have this sort of thing sometimes.

TWICE we have gone to great lengths to find childcare to go to weddings, only to be asked on arrival "Oh why didn't you bring the children???"

ARRRGHHHHHHH!

Drives me round the bend.