DH told me infront of ILs to use my brain

[barbie007]

DH told me in front of ILs that I should do something with my brain.....why not a year of postgraduate law conversion? Or get into finance and earn lots of money? I used to be a schoolteacher so why does he think I want to be a lawyer or a banker now?

I've been a SAHM for 10 years and I love it. I use my brain all the time and it p**s me off that he thinks I don't. We don't need an extra wage btw. I've not spoken to him for the last few hours and when he asked if I could help with dinner tonight (we were only having cheese toasties!) I told him to use his brain and work it out.

[ChippingIn]

It will be interesting to see what he says.

Scottishmummy - what exactly is it you have against a parent who actually looks after their own child, their house & their spouse?

He may think he wants a working wife - I'm pretty sure he would like the reality a lot less.

Why pay out for childcare/ironing/cleaning/meals and have sod all left over when you have a partner that does all of that and is happy to do that? (Different if they aren't happy doing it).

He's not going to be busting a gut to pick up the slack, doing more around the house, organising all the stuff the OP does, taking days off when the kids are sick/on holiday is he? NO a nanny/childminder/club will be looking after his kids and she will be the one having to take time off when they are sick.

The kids will have to give up all/most of their activities and be minded - how exactly is that better for them?

[CurrySpice]

MadameDeathstare is that what you think happens to the kids of mothers who work?

[scottishmummy]

chiping peruse thread,im one of many telling her get a job
oh and to read the signals,hes not happy bunny

[MrsCampbellBlack]

I agree with chippingin.

You just need to work out together whats best. If you're both happy for you to be a SAHM then cool but if he's not happy with that anymore then it needs to be addressed.

But if he agrees to you continuing to be a SAHM he needs to lose the comments and appreciate what you do but at the same time you do need to appreciate that you are in a fortunate position.

[carriedababi]

well said chippin in

[AnnieLobeseder]

Hang on, those of you bashing the OP as being lazy and entitled.... she is doing volunteer work, not sitting on her backside eating bon-bons and drinking coffee all day. IMO volunteer work is just as valuable as paid work. If not more so, because it gets so little recognition.

I don't think you're all being entirely fair!

[biffandchip]

If you don't need to work and, more importantly, don't want to work I don't see what the problem is as long as the situation suits all of the family. I work f/t, my partner sorts the children out and is self-employed, working just a few hours a week around the children. This works because I am crap at looking after them/not particularly organised/prefer to be at work. It means that when ds3 was ill this week all I had to do was take the other two to breakfast club and pop into the drs to make an appt. DP stayed at home with an ill child. No sorting out childcare/messing work about with coming in late and going early. Work out what fits best for you, it's hard work being at home that's why I take the easy option of going to work

[ChippingIn]

scottishmummy - I read the thread thank you. Others may have said the same, but are the one who has said it 15 times. Your continual banging on about her not working had very little to do with him not being happy and a lot to do with you thinking she's lazy/entitled/taking the piss/fannying about. You think that she should be working because her kids are at school and 'other women do it' - well, so what if they do? It doesn't make anyone who doesn't 'work shy' or lazy - they just choose to look after their own children rather than paying for childcare... so shoot them.

[scottishmummy]

so we both read same thread and arrived at diff conclusion?
hehe hardly earth shattering given it is aibu.is it
are you going to namecheck everyone else who disagrees with you?or just me

[SockShitter]

suprised at some of the posts. your dh is welcome to be annoyed about you not working, he is also wecome to bring it up with you in a respectrful way. Saying in front of the inlaws you need to use your brains is so rude.

[scottishmummy]

and if you must paraphrase me do it correctly

[scottishmummy]

lazy nope didnt say that
entitled nope didnt say that
taking the piss aye,expecting up to 15yrs sahm with no comment from dh yes thats taking piss
fannying about aye 3 school age kids and book club,thats a lot of fannying about

[lawstudentmum]

Hi

Just from some one who went back to Uni and is finding it hard - if you do want to go and do something make sure it is something that you enjoy or interests you or that you want to do - I wanted to be a teacher but I was pushed in the direction of law by others and now I am so fed up most of the time. ( yeah, I know, I am going to make the worst lawyer in the world, I couldn't even argue that and win !! ) I don't think I should charge much to my clients... Anyway, Life is very short so make the most of it, If you want to work, work - if you want to study, study - if you want to stay at home, yeah you get the picture.

My Mum was only 37 when she died ( I was a teenager ) and I remember her always talking about her dreams and what she wanted to do with life, but she never did - always did what others wanted. Please make up your own mind about what it is you would like to do. Maybe you should both make time to talk about what it is that you both would like to do.

Sorry, gone on a bit, feeling abit in the dumps myself tonight !! Anyway good luck x

[proudfoot]

Sounds like he is clumsily trying to hint at you starting to go back to work, as others have said. YANBU to be annoyed at the cack-handed way he has raised the issue in front of in-laws as it is something to sit down and discuss as a couple, but YABU if you won't consider the idea of working.

With regard to the law conversion course, this is probably a non-starter for you if you have been out of the work force for so long and cannot show any relevant legal experience and a clear motivation for your career change. You'll be able to get onto the course but you would have difficulties in getting a training contract or pupillage so IMO your DH is a bit misguided to bring that one up. You could always go back to teaching or find out what your options are and think about what you might like to do if you want something new.

[sundayrose10]

OP - your life sounds very idyllic - it has riled up some people on here. If you have the option of not working until your youngest kid is 10, grab it with both hands. I'm speaking as a working mum.

Good luck.

[IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat]

Weeeellll...

While it's nice that you get to read and take photographs, your kids are all at school and I think it's more than reasonable for your husband to now expect you to contribute financially.

[Tambern]

YANBU to be angry that he brought the issue up in front of your ILs, but try seeing it from his point of view. All three of your children are school age, and you admitted yourself that you have plenty of time for all your hobbies and even volunteer work. To someone who comes home tired and grumpy from a full day of subsidising your lifestyle, it must seem like an easy ride.

I'm not saying it is, or that he's justified to feel like that, but the fact is from the outside you do seem to have a pretty good deal. In another five years, I doubt very much that you will want to go back to work anymore, and it's very likely you'll find another excuse to stay home, because by that point you'll be so far out of the workforce and untrained that it'll just be too daunting as compared to the easy option of staying home.

[MistressFrankly]

Its supposed to be team work. For a sahm to take 10 years off and still not want to go back i would say YABU. Working does not have to mean 9-5 every day. You can work in ways that still give you the time you need for your family whilst taking some of the pressure off him.
It does sound like you enjoy doing what you want with your time and that, rather than your children(who are at school) is what is stopping you getting a job. If you find time to volunteer you can find time to work and get paid? Part time work, work from home, set up your own business -there are many options - if you were a teacher could you not take private students? I think whilst he may have gone about it clumsily he was right to give you a kick up the bum.
You might even enjoy it

[MistressFrankly]

sundayrose - yes it does sound idyllic but op's dh isnt finding it so great clearly and i cant say i blame him!

[scottishmummy]

shes clearly unwilling to share financial responsibilities fir family
maybe in 5yr time or some unspecified time.after potentially 15yr sahm no wonder her dh makes clumsy comments
whats her next reason going to be?sorry cant work day of week ends in a y or clashes with kids tennis/swim. it will potentially always be something

[MistressFrankly]

My point about the kick up the bum madamdeathstare was more to do with fact she has time to work when the kids are at school when childcare wouldnt be an issue.
Also if it is applicable with her teaching background she could look at teaching adults (basic maths and english to help people with getting back to work sort of thing) or teaching kids removed from school. My mate works as a private tutor for some kids whose parents did not want them in mainstream education. Or she could be a classroom assistant. This kind of thing can be done in school time and actually makes pretty good money so DH would be pleased and she may enjoy this sort of teaching as she is clearly a caring woman as she volunteers. I think its a shame to focus on the negative aspects of working when there are options that fit around family life well.

[razzlebathbone]

Laughing at the notion that two working parents means having to pay someone else to do ironing, cleaning and meals.