History: My FIL is a lovely man, he is 75 and has not been in good health for many many years. Lots of things, heart problems, arthritis, neuralgia - he hasn't left the house, apart from medical appointments for probalby 2 years now. In the past six months he had reason (weight loss i think) to have a colonoscopy - it was a horrid experience for him, proved inclusive due to inadequate prep (hardly surprising, its a nightmare) and he refused to go back for further tests, he is a bit of a hypochondriac (alot, i sympathise as i suferfrom severe health anxiety) and has driven himself to distraction with his home medical books. He has recently, in the past month lost hideous amounts of weight and feels very ill has taken to his bed, insisting that he is dying and forbidding anyone from calling a doctor. My DP and his family was convinced he was dying because he looks so bad (ive not seen him) and my DP has been in a terrible state about it all. They were convinced he wouldnt see the week out - well, this was three weeks ago and there has been no change. He is ill, in pain but refuses quite aggresively, medical help.
I am convinced that whilst there is clearly a "physical" ailment here, the principal problem is one of depression - i know from my own experience how crippling this can be. This man is terrified of going to hospital (even though this has changed, the slightest twinge before would have him calling an ambulance and kicking up a fuss if he thought he might be sent home - felt safer in hospital iyswim) and losing his dignity - i understand all of this but i have so many problems with this.
Firstly, how can his family just be expected to let him die (if this is what is happening) with no palliative care apart from what his mum and BIL (we dont live nearby - bil is brilliant) can offer him, but they dont know what they are dealing with. FIL is convinced he has cancer and wants to die at home.
How can i make him see that by refusing medical intervention at this stage, ultimately he is going to going to be in such a state than him going to hospital will most likely be the only option left, but if we can get some sort of diagnosis at and paliative care plan in place we can fascilitate him staying at home.
Secondly, what are the legal ramifications if he is left to die, i mean, he is being looked after well but no medical care, and is apparently like a skeleton, how can his family prove they havent just left him alone in the room to starve to death :(
My biggest concern is, and this sounds awful, but what if he isnt dying? Is his wife expected to care for him for an indefinate time? It isnt fair on her, or him - i think he needs a psychiatric assesment. He is paranoid about "going mad" my poor fatehr had alzheimers and he told DP that all he does all day is recite times tables and his date of birth to prove to himself hes not going mad, err, i think that sort of obsession suggests quite the opposite.
I cant make anyone listen to my concerns and probably have no right to do so seeing as im not the one having to do the caring, but i can't bear to think of him festering away like this when he doesn't have to. Yes, he might have cancer, and he might not have long to live, but he is fortunate enough to live in a society where his suffering can be alliviated to some degree :(
Ive begged DP to call a doctor but he gets so cross with me and says its not his place, he has asked his mum and begged his dad but they wont hear of it.
This situation cannot be allowed to continue but i have no idea of what to do to help :(