Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to be going on maternity leave again?

44 replies

yougivemumsabadname · 28/05/2011 19:18

I'm very prepared to be flamed here and tbh I think I might be being U.

I had been in my job a year when I went off on maternity leave for 10 months to have DD. I returned to work last autumn. I got pregnant again in February and have just announced that I am pregnant again and am due in November so will go off on mat leave again in the autumn - so my total time at my job has been -

1 year working
10 months mat leave
1 year working
1 year?mat leave

My sister joked that I am the kind of woman that makes employers not want to employ women. Also, it's fairly obvious that a lot of my colleagues are annoyed that I am pregnant again - there are a couple in particular that seem quite anti-children in general. It's a bit hard, I feel hated at work at the moment but deep down wondering if they are right.

Can I respectfully ask, please, I am feeling a bit sensitive now so please if you think I am being U that is absolutely fine and do tell me that but please don't get abusive or swear or start with personal insults because that's not fine! I know I posted on AIBU but I am asking for opinions, not insults.

Thanks

OP posts:

naturalbaby · 28/05/2011 20:16

i did something very similar but had been at work for a few years before i got pregnant with dc1. i went back for 3months part time then off again on maternity leave. near the end of that maternity leave i handed in my notice as we had to move away for dh's job. i felt awful but as much as i felt loyalty to work, my family and my wellbeing came first.

elseIlltellyourfather · 28/05/2011 20:16

OP, I was in a job 4 months before becoming pg, took 9 months ML, returned part time for 2 years and am now off again for a year, awaiting arrival of DC2. I am slightly embarrassed but in no doubt it is my right and, as a woman, I am the one who has to give birth and breastfeed (which I choose to do) so need to be home doing what is a much more important role. I am planning a 3rd DC and not sure I'll have the nerve to take ML again though - may just hand in my notice! Don't feel bad, really you have done nothing wrong, it is the way the world works - women have babies.

ScarletOHaHa · 28/05/2011 20:24

YADNBU - you are raising future tax payers. If employers shared leave between parents it would have less impact.Paternity leave is total pants. Maternity leave as it stands is more suitable for the female to take time off and so what else can you do? Just enjoy x
Fabbychic that is vile and unlawful. I had a potential employer ask me about whether I wanted kids or not at an interview !!!

RedHotPokers · 28/05/2011 20:27

OP - YANBU.

Over the past 6 or 7 years a lot of my colleagues (and me!) have taken a couple of MLs each. It all seemed awful at the time.... how would we manage with less staff/people coming back pt etc etc.

It has all settled down now. Everyone is back now, and none of the people who went on ML have left for other jobs or to SAH, although some have gone pt. We are now in a situation where we have a lot of long-serving, experienced, effective staff who are slowly reaching the end of their child-bearing yrs!!!! A couple of yrs of ML seems like a small price to pay IYSWIM to get to the point we are now, with a great team of people who are committed to work and family.

I can see that it is hard for colleagues/companies in the short-term, but providing you are committed to the company you work for, and do give them some thought in terms of returning to work/agreeing mutually beneficial pt hours, I can't see a problem and if anything I think it benefits organisations in the long term.

emptyshell · 28/05/2011 20:36

My parents' business now tries to avoid employing women of child-bearing age because of the sheer number of maternity leaves they were hammered with and I lost one job because the business simply couldn't sustain the cost of 3/5 of its employees going off on maternity at once and folded.

You're always going to do what's right for you - but it does have a shit impact on other people and at least acknowledging it instead of breezing in on a cloud of joy and being considerate that your joy possibly equals more work for your colleagues and strain for your employer - that's a bit crappy.

But hey ho when do those left behind ever get consideration in such matters.

scottishmummy · 28/05/2011 20:43

thats skating wrong side of illegal,childbearing age 16-46.how can any business avoid a women of that age?

ScarletOHaHa · 28/05/2011 20:49

Emptyshell - I am shocked at this attitude in 2011. I understand that the impact on small business can be very profound but your parents are breaking the law.

lalalonglegs · 28/05/2011 20:52

Jesus, I hope your parents don't run a business that I've ever used, I'd hate to be lining their pockets .

LeoTheLateBloomer · 28/05/2011 20:54

Don't worry OP. A friend of mine was already pg when she returned to work after just 6 months mat leave! It was a really small school but no one minded, everyone was very happy for her

ShellyBoobs · 28/05/2011 20:54

"Emptyshell - I am shocked at this attitude in 2011. I understand that the impact on small business can be very profound but your parents are breaking the law."

I would imagine they know the law, but it's highly unlikely that anything could be proven against them (assuming it's a small business.)

SardineQueen · 28/05/2011 20:55

It seems that some people on the thread would rather that women had to quit their jobs when they got pg, as happened a few decades ago?

Or maybe women who want to work shouldn't have children?

I never understand these type of comments. We need children in our society, surely? And children do much better if they are not living in poverty... Surely it is better that women are enabled to work than not... I am not sure what sort of vision of society people have sometimes but it doesn't sound very nice.

ScarletOHaHa · 28/05/2011 21:08

True ShellyBoobs. I am that this was an ok attitude to post

travispickles · 28/05/2011 21:08

I am on Mat leave, and have missed a promotion opportunity as a result. We have to accept that we are overlooked career-wise while we aren't there (that's how I shall justify it)

FunnysInTheGarden · 28/05/2011 21:14

agree carabos it is for the employer to ensure the other staff are not under pressure and not the mother going on maternity leave

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 28/05/2011 21:27

It's not a problem, if you'd have been there 10 years already would you be bothered? I think you are over thinkingvit and tbh most people will have there own lives and problems to think about instead of you and your children. (meant in a nicer way than it probably sounds)

FessaEst · 28/05/2011 21:43

I know of at least 3 people who have only been back at work for 3 months between maternity leaves - it happens. You are only taking the time that someone having 2 children with a 5 year gap would take - just closer together. If you plan on returning, then I don't see how long you were there in the first place as an issue.

I think it is awful that people avoid employing women (employable years - reproductive years = not many years) for this reason. Until men can biologically grow and feed a small human, society needs to help businesses support there female employees to take appropriate leave to have their children.

FWIW - my recent work history is "worse" than yours! 10 months working, 12 months mat leave, 8 months working, just starting another 12 months mat leave. I am very lucky as my colleagues are lovely, my boss is supportive - but it is a very large organisation.

twoistwiceasfun · 28/05/2011 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

COCKadoodledooo · 28/05/2011 21:52

OP - my friend gave birth to her dc2 the very day she was due back from mat leave after her dc1, so I'd say you have nothing to worry about!

Daughteroflilith · 28/05/2011 23:17

I'm sure a company of 600 can deal with this! As twoistwiceasfun says, it is an average of two maternity leaves in a lifetime. For every woman like you the company employs, it will employ plenty who will never have children, or plenty who will join at 21, leave at 30, and then go on to take consecutive maternity leaves at their next employer. It all balances out. If you like the company, you might then go on to work there for ten years with no more maternity leave. And with the new regulations proposed with regard to mothers and fathers being able to share parental leave between them, it isn't even an issue of not employing women. Congratulations

Flip

1 2