to just give up on keeping the house clean and tidy?

[CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes]

Because my DH just creates mess constantly and won't do anything to tidy or clean the house?

I have always been quite houseproud and kept on top of housework and washing/ironing. DH has always been very messy and hasn't pulled his weight in the house but it's getting worse and worse. The not doing housework I can just about put up with but it's the constant making mess and dirt that is annoying me.

He dumps things on any surface in the house that hasn't got something on it;windowsills, stairs, chairs, the sofa, worktops, kitchen table, beds, floors, ledges at the top of the bannister. Anywhere except put things away or cleaned up. Shoes are left everywhere, as are wet bath towels, dirty clothes, socks, wrappers, cans, hair when he's clippered his hair etc

We have three children and now that the youngest is a toddler and into everything it is getting harder and harder to keep everything clean and tidy, I have to literally clean all day and then it is all undone during the evening and next morning by DH. He has also recently got a puppy, despite the fact that we already have a dog, and of course the mess and extra hoovering that a puppy means is all left to me.

There are so many household chores that he refuses point blank to do; he won't hoover, iron, cook, put washing away, do food shopping (online or in store), put food shopping away, clean bathrooms or change bedding. He will stand in the wash basket to cram washing down to get the lid on rather than put a wash on. He leaves glasses of water by his side of the bed, at the moment there are 6 there.

I make our house sound awful, which it isn't, as I spend a lot of time on housework but it needs constant effort to keep it decent. Like I said, it's getting harder and harder because of all the shit he leaves lying around. If it was a case of basic housework then it would be fine and I wouldn't have too much of an issue about doing it all. I spent ages yesterday sorting out paper work he'd left on our kitchen table, and cleaning the table. it was totally empty. Now again it has so much stuff piled up on it you can barely see the table, he has put a top over one of the chairs and 2 pairs of shoes under it. He is also the same in the car, leaving rubbish and muck in there all the time.

I know I am being a whinge, but it's really annoying me and I feel like just "giving up" on making the house look nice and just doing the bare minimum. There doesn't seem to be any point. If he did, say, all the cooking, or all the ironing or just something I could accept that he didn't do the other things. Just to add, he works full time and I work part time. I currently do everything in the house. The only thing he ever does is occasionally unload the dishwasher.

I am so sorry OP. I go through this too, it's hard.

I am sick to death of living with a hoarder. It drives me mad

Hi I had a friend whose ex husband was just like this and he never lifted a finger in the end she just scooped up all of the irrelevant stuff and dumped it on his side of the bed and then got in her own side. When he came to bed he was unable to get in for rubbish, he dumped it on the floor and walked over it for weeks hence they are ex's.

i use the box idea too - i shove everything of his in it. Trainers, empty coke cans, paperwork, keys, dirty pants and socks, computer games the lot.

Have you tried putting every item of his he leaves on a random surface in the bin? Because I would be sorely tempted to and scrape some leftover food onto it as well.

In all seriousness you've tried asking him to help to no avail. I would wait until he wants something off you and say no - be sure to tell him it's because when you ask him to help around the house he says no. He is treating you with disdain - do the same.

Tell him "Anything left lying around for more than ten minutes will be put in a bin bag. Papers, clothes, shoes - everything. At the end of every day, the bin bag will be put out for the rubbish, regardless of what is in it. If you do not wish your things to be thrown out, put your things away."

And mean it.

It's really very simple. He is a slob, and he has no reason to change. Give him a reason.

Oh dear this sounds grim.

I do think you need to try and talk to him without it escalating into a row. Would you feel better if there were chores that were his responsibility? Can you have some kind of list? If you can't resolve it then the resentment is going to grow.

Given he does so little I think you could feasibly say 'I don't do your cooking/washing/whatever'. How would he react?

I put all my DH's papers into a box and it's up to him to sort them out. If he leaves clothes lying around the bedroom I just shove them into his wardrobe. He tends to leave his shoes in the place where they are most likely to be tripped over, eg bottom of stairs or middle of hall. I ask him to move them and if he doesn't I chuck them in the garage. Then when he says oh, where are my shoes, I just say I don't know.

That's outrageous !
Tell him you have to give up work unless he starts doing half the housework.

collect all of his junk up and shove it somewhere inconvenient to him such as his work bag or on his side of the bed!
my husband only has to forget to change the loo roll and it ends up in his coat pocket lol!

Blackpanther, I am laughing at the idea of putting the bog roll in his coat pocket! Will definitely do that one as there are currently no less than 5 rolls lined up behind the downstairs loo as he can't be bothered to put them in the bin.

The house is a total wreck again today, I literally cannot have one day off doing housework as it's filthy. His dogs have trod muck all over the kitchen floor so I have to mop it again, there are shoes all over the kitchen floor, paperwork all over the table and the bedroom looks like a bomb has hit it because he's strewn his stuff all over the place.