Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I really am overreacting, aren't I?

45 replies

VFVF · 28/05/2011 11:24

Brother-in-law's birthday today, let's call him Gary. He is married to my husband's sister (let's call my husband Andy)
Card and present duly sent a few days ago by myself ( as they live abroad, had to be posted)
Today Gary updates his facebook status "Enjoying my , thanks Andy!
Do I genuinely have the right to be annoyed that -
Gary would never have received any form of present or card had it not been for me, DH is not good at remembering dates. DH had no idea it was his BIL's birthday until I told him today. Said present and card was also paid by ME out of MY spending money for the month.

I know I'm probably being petty but it's really pissed me off that BIL hasn't put both our names! I'm not angry at DH, he has many wonderful qualities, just remembering family birthdays isn't one of them.

I know the answer is to not bother next year, but in the meantime would it be enormously petty of me to write something sarcastic under his status? And if so does anyone have any good suggestions?

OP posts:

GooGooMuck · 28/05/2011 13:47

@ discobeaver

When you wrote the card, did you put your name first, or DPs? Did you not (subconciously even) want BIL to think the gift came from DP?

I don't buy for DH's family either. I do remind him though.

Youcantaffordme · 28/05/2011 13:51

What a trivial little matter to be whining about. What the fuck does it matter?

MadamDeathstare · 28/05/2011 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheshireDing · 28/05/2011 13:56

I would be ticked off but in all honestly I would never buy for my DH relations, they are his Mum , Dad etc it's his responsibility I don't even remind him why should I. Tough if he forgets, I remember my immediate families and he has calendars and I phones etc so when he forgets to put it in all these places and forgets his relations Birthday tough tit.

SarfEasticated · 28/05/2011 13:57

Is it possible that he is being sarcastic, knowing that you would have actually bought it? Exclamation marks can mean a lot of things.
Be gracious about it, I know it's annoying but if you try to draw attention to the fact that you bought it, you make your husband look uncaring, and yourself a bit petty.

Curiousmama · 28/05/2011 14:00

Agree with those who say dh should be buying his own family presents. Dp does as did exdh. Although I do adore my exMIL so do still buy for her and did buy things for her when with exdh. I sometimes buy for dp's mum but usually just gifts I see and think she'd like.

Curiousmama · 28/05/2011 14:01

Youcantaffordme am guessing you haven't been on mn long?

bidibidi · 28/05/2011 14:01

It's a gift, not an obligation. Don't bother if you have all these expectations & strings attached.

SarfEasticated · 28/05/2011 14:04

BTW my husband is v.good at remembering birthdays, buying presents, wrapping and sending. I am a bloke don't deserve him :)

exoticfruits · 28/05/2011 14:05

I don't see that it matters. Either don't read his facebook or add a jokey little message.

nickelbabe · 28/05/2011 14:07

she must have been - she swore properly

OP - it's awful.
But you are enabling him.

DH remembers all the birthdays on his side, and I remember the ones on mine.
That's just because it makes more sense that way.

Don't tell him when it's people's birthdays, and don't spend your own money on their presents - at the very least presents should be bought from the family pot, but especially when it's his family.

get him a birthday book, and tell him to use it.
(DH has one of these - each week, he turns the page and sends cards etc accordingly.)

Youcantaffordme · 28/05/2011 14:25

Curiousmama I have been here quite a while. It has not stopped me from saying what I think. (when I can be arsed, that is.)

bidibidi · 28/05/2011 14:27

I would probably add the jokey message -- "You're giving credit to the wrong relative ", or something like that.

MadamDeathstare · 28/05/2011 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

VFVF · 28/05/2011 14:42

Ok, thanks for comments!
I've had a few hours and think it is petty to get annoyed (I knew this to start with really, this is why I love AIBU, I can vent about trivial matters!)
The reason I did the present run is because I have a lot more spare time than DH. Plus we are a partnership, which is kind of what I was getting at in the first place, it's not so much his family and my family, more OUR family IYSWIM?
I'll not bother next year. For now I'm sure I'll find something else to piss me off soon enough

OP posts:

oldraver · 28/05/2011 15:22

Log in as you DH and post along the lines of. Oh sorry mate I had forgotten it was your birthday. So lucky to have a very thoughtfull wife. The more sickly sweet the better

anniepanniepears · 28/05/2011 15:33

I would post what about me I choose it !

HerHissyness · 28/05/2011 16:40

You need to stand over your H with a gun pointed at his temple and get him to post a reply saying , "don't thank me, it was the missus"....

HerHissyness · 28/05/2011 16:41

or what oldraver said...

CeliaFate · 28/05/2011 16:52

VFVF - I do all the present buying/card sending too. I'm better at it and have a good memory for dates etc. so it makes sense for me to do it. I would have to comment on his status and say "I knew you'd like it. Glad I made the right choice. Happy Birthday!"

Flip

1 2