Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just not want to get involved with all that competitive parenting malarky?

58 replies

CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 27/05/2011 20:36

I really can't be bothered with it all!

I like to meet up with friends for a coffee and a chat, but why the heck do some people turn everything into a competition? Met up with a friend yesterday who has a DS 2 weeks younger than my DS (almost 2). My friend proceeded for our entire meet-up to compare the boys "Oh I love the way Minibubbles doesn't talk properly, it's lovely to hear baby talk compared with my DS's proper grown up talking". Asking me how much I pay for an activity my DS does and then saying "Oh the one we go to is much more expensive than that" and all sorts of passive aggressive comments aimed at DS "Oh no, you don't still drink from a beaker do you? My DS is in much more of a hurry to grow up than you are!" etc etc.

Like I said, I cannot be bothered with it all; I am happy for my DS to do things in his own time. I'm in no hurry to make him drink from a glass or to potty train him. My older children did these things when they were ready and I intend to let DS do the same. I couldn't care less if her DS is more advanced than mine, as it happens I'd say they are actually very similar ability wise, and probably very average for 23 month olds, but even if he was more advanced it just wouldn't bother me, I'm happy to let my son be himself and do things in his own time.

Rant over!

OP posts:
Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 27/05/2011 22:55

It's funny because sometimes she is very competitive and at other times she's okay. We usually meet once a month or so, so not very often. I agree, she has definitely got insecurity ishoos. I'm pretty secure really and do just generally go along with what she says "Oh wow, hes very clever then"

OP posts:
bonkers20 · 27/05/2011 23:04

I have a neighbour with a DC a few weeks younger than my DS. The best one she said was "I'm just not ready for her to be so advanced". She had such a case of PFB but she's slowed down now since actually her DC didn't crawl, walk, get teeth, walk or anything else early, she's just a regular sweet little thing. I do think she gets a lot of pressure from her parents and also suffers from low self esteem herself so I just let her get on with it really.

BumWiper · 27/05/2011 23:17

Oh that sort of thing bugs me.Show me a class of 16 year olds and you won't be able to tell who smiled,talked,walked,read Harry Potter first.

Babies develop at different rates.Sounds like she is looking for some sort of validation.My friends DC is a few weeks older than my DC3 and she gets very miffed if she sees my DC doing something first,for example DC3 walked at 13 months and she got all huffy and started trying to force her DC to walk.The poor baby used to cry as he just wasnt ready.

exoticfruits · 28/05/2011 08:10

I would just do what you are doing bubbles-she will get over it eventually when she realises, as BumWiper says-no one cares at 16, or even 6, when they took their first step! (least of all the DC themselves!)

BelleEnd · 28/05/2011 08:28

Aaaargh that is annoying. I had a friend like this, and to be honest her DS was an early talker. She would be quite passive agressive about it, just as your friend is "Oh I bet you're glad your DS doesn't talk like mine does, mine never shuts up!" "What will the school do with him when he goes and he's so much more advanced than the others?" etc etc. It was insecurity because other aspects of her life were going badly, and she was so very desperate to be the best at being a mother. It was sad.

Of course, my DS and all the others caught up with him, but she kept pushing him to be the first at doing everything- Trying to get him out of nappies when he wasn't ready really had an effect on his confidence, the poor soul. On the other hand, with other things, he's been told over and over that he's better than the other children, which makes him difficult to be around at times.

Your friend is making a rod for her own back.

ElectricSoftParade · 28/05/2011 08:43

My darling SIL (ahem) has told me for years how much more advanced her DS is compared to mine.

Yes SIL, he is much more advanced as he is 2 years older. Nobber Grin

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 28/05/2011 08:43

YANBU! Have to say though, I really love threads like this as they provide lots of shocking/amusing anecdotes of competitive parents.

My friend keeps mentioning that even though my DD is 8 months older (summer baby so will be in the year above at school) she can't tell the difference between them. Yes dear, whatever. :)

ManicAnnie · 28/05/2011 08:50

I don't bother with people who get competitive over kids. Literally - bore me once with tales of your child's genius streak, and I will drop you like a hot potato Grin

Barbeasty · 28/05/2011 08:53

People won't care when they're 16? My MIL was getting some competitive grandparenting in about DD, and her youngest son (29) started interrogating her as to when he had crawled, walked etc.

He was most upset that not only had DD "beaten" him, but so had DH (his older brother).

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 28/05/2011 08:54

Mind you at least my friend would never force her DD to do anything she wasn't ready for. That is just cruel. Little things like that (especially on issues which occur every day, like reading and toileting) could have a massive impact on a child's mind :(

moomaa · 28/05/2011 09:05

I find some of this weird, I mean I do like to talk to me friends about new things my DCs can do, and they enjoy talking about things their DC can do. Same as we share worries if they can't do something. We see each others DC a lot, we all know they have different strengths and weaknesses.

Although the woman who said "Oh I bet you're glad your DS doesn't talk like mine does, mine never shuts up!" sounds a bit much Grin

TheSecondComing · 28/05/2011 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moomaa · 28/05/2011 09:09

I do get interogated though at toddler groups if small DC happen to do something earlier than the average. DD was an early talker and mums interogated me as to whether she was normal and if they should be concerned about their DC like I am an expert, luckily I could tell them about DS's talking, which was very average :)

TheSecondComing · 28/05/2011 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smallpotato · 28/05/2011 09:11

I get this sometimes as DD2 has been slow to crawl/walk. I just say things like:

'She's my baby so I'm in no rush for her to grow up'
'Isn't it good it's not a competition'
'She's just lazy like her mum'

Or just a rather disinterested 'wow that's great..' While distractedly checking phone/playing with the kids etc.

I have the ultimate comeback though as DD1 was a really early walker, so I often say 'oh poor you, DD1 was an early walker it was such a nightmare... I'm so glad DD2 is much more laid back' Grin

smallpotato · 28/05/2011 09:11

I get this sometimes as DD2 has been slow to crawl/walk. I just say things like:

'She's my baby so I'm in no rush for her to grow up'
'Isn't it good it's not a competition'
'She's just lazy like her mum'

Or just a rather disinterested 'wow that's great..' While distractedly checking phone/playing with the kids etc.

I have the ultimate comeback though as DD1 was a really early walker, so I often say 'oh poor you, DD1 was an early walker it was such a nightmare... I'm so glad DD2 is much more laid back' Grin

beesimo · 28/05/2011 09:14

One thing I feel a bit ashamed of is that when my ds2 was about 30 months we were a a playgroup and I said as a jokes hes very good at reciting poetry and me 'arch enemy' piped up 'oh for Christ sake ect' in a mocking snidey voice.

So B wasn't going to back down was she, so that poor little lad was with the aid of boxes of jaffa cake trained up to recite.

'The Charge of the Light Brigade' by Tennyson he was word perfect hurrah!

Then the next meet up B say oh DS has learnt some new poetry would you like to hear it the ayes had it so proud Mam stands the lad on stool and he says

'Mammy I want a poo!'

thisisourtime · 28/05/2011 09:15

My favourite is stealth boasting when it's dressed up as a moan about something:

"I'm so sick of cleaning crayon off the walls but since DS has learned to write his name he wants to do it everywhere."

"It's such a pain once they can dress themselves, it takes so much longer."

EauRouge · 28/05/2011 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lettinggo · 28/05/2011 09:57

Grin at beesimo

Original poster
CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 28/05/2011 11:18

thisisourtime, the friend I referred to in my OP is the ultimate stealth boaster!

"Oh it's getting on my nerves that he's asking to use the potty. I wish he was more like your DS and happy to be a baby!"

"It's just so irritating going round Tesco with a child that can talk sooooo well, at least you don't have the problem of your DS asking for things all the time"

And so on and so on

OP posts:
PumpkinBones · 28/05/2011 11:26

YANBU. Absolutely hate this. It's much easier with your second baby because you can play the neglected subsequent child routine and pretend you don't remember / didn't notice all the tiny developmental milestones other people seem to be obsessed with. Although no pretence is required in my case; 19 month old DS2 has an entire mouthful of teeth I didn't notice him growing...Grin

webwiz · 28/05/2011 13:13

I have a friend like this and she's still doing it even though our DD's are at university. Her DD is at Oxford Brookes but she says the Brookes bit really quietly!

fairydoll · 28/05/2011 13:26

Just smile and odd, safe in the knowledge they are riding for a big fall!

Goldenbear · 28/05/2011 15:23

YABU as i think it is a normal practice for a parent to be boast about their off spring because they are proud of them. I honestly don't know anyone in RL that doesn't do this. Of course people vary in how far they take it but they still do it. I think sometimes people are just talking about their children- how they are changing and developing to a friend who they think will be interested!

Swipe left for the next trending thread