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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DH to leave London when he says he will?

85 replies

Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 21:44

DH went out for drinks with some colleagues he hasn't seen since Christmas. I asked him if he could leave by 9 (they have been out since 5) so he would be home around 10.
DS has an important hospital appt first thing in the morning and I wanted to go over what questions we need to ask the consultant.

It's also been a very long day with a teething baby who does not sleep well at the best of times, so have been up and downstairs all eve.

He phoned at 9.25 to say he was leaving, he got distracted chatting and was very apologetic. I accept his apology, but just feel like what I ask isn't that important to him.

If it was reversed I would be keeping an eye on the time and say my goodbyes in preparation to leave at the right time.
But then I HATE being late for anything and 'letting people down' (people pleaser) Blush

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to leave when he says he will?

OP posts:
HooverTheHamaBeads · 26/05/2011 21:46

poor man is on a very short leash.

FabbyChic · 26/05/2011 21:46

he hasnt seen these people since christmas, he has the stress of the appointment tomorrow, I think you should cut him some slack to be honest.

shakey1500 · 26/05/2011 21:47

YAB a bit U yes. It's only 25minutes and he did ring to let you know AND apologised. I'm a bit of a stickler for timekeeping etc but appreciate that not everyone is as fastiduous as I. It IS very easy to get distracted by a conversation while you're out.

fivegomadindorset · 26/05/2011 21:48

Yes

Original poster
Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 21:49

He is not on a short leash, he can go out whenever he likes, it was just important to me this evening.
And what about my stress of the appointment tomorrow? My worries about DS, and the fact that I have been non stop with him all day? And not out having a drink with people??

OP posts:
smallwhitecat · 26/05/2011 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

QueenCee · 26/05/2011 21:49

YANBU but that's the difference between men and women I think. I'd be the same as you and ensure I left at the right time. DH will tell me he's just going for a pint after work. It's never just a pint. I tell him not to say it will just be a pint because we both know it will be many more and he will be late... He insists it will be one pint. It's not. He's late... I'm pissed off. Happens every time!!!

WhatsWrongWithYou · 26/05/2011 21:49

< Longs for post-work night out in London >

Original poster
Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 21:51

If it wasn't a regular occurence that he was late for stuff, I think I would have only been mildly irritated too. But it ALWAYS happens. (99.99% anyway)

OP posts:
worraliberty · 26/05/2011 21:55

Oh for goodness sake I thought you were going to say this happened yesterday and he rolled in at midnight or something!

Write your list of questions and run them by him tomorrow before the appointment. Though I must admit it sounds like a bit of an excuse to keep him under your control.

Trinaluce · 26/05/2011 21:57

I can understand why you're narked: but as others have said it is only 25 minutes and I'm probably the worst one for saying at 9 'right, must go - oh, btw did you do such-and-such?' - which inevitably delays leaving!

Poor man's called, let you know he's on his way and apologised: you can't make him leave at 9 now, so just accept his apology and go over your list of questions a little late.

HooverTheHamaBeads · 26/05/2011 21:57

Don't get worked up about 25 mins fgs.

It. Really. Doesn't. Matter.

Original poster
Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 21:59

Control!? Riiiighhhhtt..
Asking for him to be here when it's something really important to me is not a bloody excuse to control him!
Glad life is so simple for all you folks that think I have DH by the short and curlies, and are not struggling to just keep going every day,I just need some support at times for a worrying situation.

OP posts:
smallwhitecat · 26/05/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:01

It. really. does. to. me.
And, it's not just a one off, as I have already stated, and this time it was only 25 mins, but it has been HOURS at previous times, with no phonecall, and unable to contact him.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 26/05/2011 22:04

Yes but that was a drip feed when people disagreed with you. Your OP is just moaning about tonight.

If it's all the time...have a word with him.

piprabbit · 26/05/2011 22:06

YABVU. He phones you to apologise, kept you informed of what was happening and was only running 25 minutes late.
He appears to be trying to be considerate and the make amends for forgetting the time for a few minutes.

If he is regularly late, then you should build that in to your assumptions. Next time ask him to leave at 8:30pm, or just assume he is going to be running 30mins later than planned.

Al0uiseG · 26/05/2011 22:08

If he's out with my dh dont get your hopes up. It doesn't matter what time he gets home, as long as he's bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning.

Original poster
Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:08

Not a drip feed, but then you think I'm just trying to control him anyway... Hmm

And don't you think I have already had a word (or several)? Which is why i am so peed off tonight?

OP posts:
ThisIsMyLogIn · 26/05/2011 22:09

I'm with you OP. I can see your point entirely

simplesally · 26/05/2011 22:11

ThisIsMyLogIn Thu 26-May-11 22:09:47
I'm with you OP. I can see your point entirely

Me too. He should be with you.

Original poster
Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:11

In terms of the classic response of 'drip feed' I was trying to explain why it not just about 25 mins, which as a one off would be fine, and I said fairly early on in the thread that he is ALWAYS late.

OP posts:
springbokscantjump · 26/05/2011 22:11

Sorry but yabu. He was apologetic so he realised the importance to you - if he didn't he would have rocked up half an hour late and been 'whatever'. 25 mins when you're chatting with people isn't very long.

worraliberty · 26/05/2011 22:12

It is a bit controlling imo.

If I was out socialising, my Husband would never ask me to be back for a certain time unless it was crucial. Surely you can talk about the list when he gets in or do it in the morning. If there's anything you can think of now, write it down.

FabbyChic · 26/05/2011 22:12

Isn't this his worry? His appointment? How worried do you think he is? Like I said cut him some slack, its really not a lot of time at all.