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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More wedding wwyd...

19 replies

chubbly · 26/05/2011 20:43

We recently got an invite though to a friend's wedding, we were invited to the evening reception; but on the back it also said we're invited to the church ceremony. So we were invited to everything but the wedding breakfast. Which left us with a choice of going to one or the other as we would have to go and amuse ourselves somewhere for a coupe of hours in between. It's their wedding they can do what they like, but is this now normal? I always assumed you invited people to the church and breakfast. Has anyone else had this? I may be completely out of touch...

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 26/05/2011 20:44

Its all down to numbers, they may only be able to afford so many at the wedding breakfast.

TheOriginalFAB · 26/05/2011 20:46

Any one can turn up to the Church for a wedding.

People can and do do what they want so you need to decide if you want to see the actual marriage enough to entertain and feed yourselves for 2 hours until the evening do.

What time is the wedding as 2 hours doesn't seem long enough between the ceremony and the evening do.

smudgethepuppydog · 26/05/2011 20:46

A relative of mine recenty got married on a very tight budget, they couldn't afford to invite many to the breakfast so some guests came to the church then came back for the evening reception.

HidinginaHardHat · 26/05/2011 20:46

Sounds fine by me. I only really like to go to the ceremony part of the day because thats what it's all about and i'm not a fan of going to the piss up afterwards with the drunken uncles.

Perhaps they thought that you may want to join them on their special day and celebrate the marriage. Sounds pretty decent to me.

YellowDinosaur · 26/05/2011 20:48

I have been to a wedding like this. Wasn't invited specifically to the ceremony but given that we were travelling to go to the evening do we thought it would be nice to see them actually get married.

We had a lovely couple of hours pottering about and had a nice meal before heading over for the evening do.

scotsgirl23 · 26/05/2011 20:49

We did this but in a slightly less formal way - we couldn't afford to have everyone at the wedding breakfast but the church was quite big so we let it be known that evening guests were more than welcome at the ceremony too. However our wedding and reception were all in town, and there was a decent amount of time between the ceremony and evening.

Original poster

chubbly · 26/05/2011 20:49

Hi Fabby and Fab, the ceremony was at 1.30 and evening reception started at 8. We just went to the church as this was the bit we wanted to attend. Dds couldn't have been up for reception anyway but I've never seen an split invite like that. Live and learn eh?!

OP posts:

ceres · 26/05/2011 21:08

i think it is rude. i think you either invite guests to the whole thing or not at all.

squeakytoy · 26/05/2011 21:12

I dont think it is rude at all. Usually only close friends and relatives go to the sit down meal straight after the ceremony, and the evening is a more informal function that more people are invited to.

Anyone can go to a church wedding, but it is nice when people specifically mention it on the invites so that people who want to watch the actual wedding feel welcome to go even when they are not part of the main wedding party.

Original poster

chubbly · 26/05/2011 21:21

I didn't know anyone can go to the church; but I'm asian and our weddings are big eating affairs. My first church wedding was only 7 or so years ago and it was my dhs cousin. In hindsight he should have told me, he's from a very religious Irish family!

OP posts:

Icoulddoitbetter · 26/05/2011 21:38

A uni friend had invites last this years ago. A group of us travelled there, some people stayed in the hotel, but none of us were invited to the meal, just the wedding and the evening party. we all sat in the bar of the hotel whilst the reception went on in the next room, and got roaring drunk. It was great fun (but we were fairly young!).

I don't think it's rude. People have budgets and the reception is where the money is spent. It doens't mean you don't care about the other people who you can't invite to that bit.

lazylula · 26/05/2011 21:43

We 'invited' everyone to the church and evening part of our wedding, but had 100 close family and a few friends to the meal. Some chose to come to the church then go home and come to the evening, others just did one or the other (mainly the evening part). We wanted to give everyone the cahnce to come along if they wished too. We have had a few invites like this in the past.

horriblemotheragain · 26/05/2011 21:49

We were constrained by budget when we got married - invited as many as we could afford to the meal, but everyone else was invited for the evening (and wrote on the invitation that everyone was welcome at the church if they wanted). Depends where the wedding is - surely you can find something to do for a few hours? look round the shops, go to the pictures, have a meal?

jenga079 · 26/05/2011 21:56

I went to a wedding like this a few years ago. Most of the 'university friends' were invited to ceremony and evening, but not the wedding breakfast. I thought it was a bit 'odd' but didn't mind. It was also FA Cup final day so all the blokes with us thought it was brilliant... wedding, football, piss up

We're now trying to plan our own wedding and I started off being adamant that anyone invited was just 'invited' - to the whole thing. Now I've started talking to venues I understand why so many people split it into three sections. Lots of places will only take XX number for the ceremony, YY number for the wedding breakfast but ZZ number for the evening. Plus, the costs are soooo high that I can see why it would be tempting to invite different people to different bits.

Having said that, I'm still trying to find some way of inviting everyone to all of it. It's more important to me to have everyone there than to go somewhere really posh!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/05/2011 21:58

A work collague did this. We travelled from London to Newcastle for it. She was really touched that we made the effort and we got to visit a place we'd never been before, we had a nice afternoon sightseeing. It was lovely.

floweryblue · 26/05/2011 22:05

I thought that all actual wedding ceremonies were 'public' events, ie that in order to get a license to perform weddings a venue had to be accessible by the general public in order to allow the presence of anyone who might 'object'.

FakePlasticTrees · 26/05/2011 22:05

normal for Church weddings as churches often refuse to have 'closed' ceremonies, so anyone can go to the Ceremony (and often members of the normal congregation will just turn up). Therefore you are being told if you want to, you can go to the ceremony, but you aren't expected too.

cat64 · 26/05/2011 22:26

This reply has been deleted

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bleedingstill · 26/05/2011 22:33

quite normal

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