If I ask DF to come home on time?

[Mumofaflump]

This is not a post to bash my DF. I love him dearly and he is a brilliant dad. He has also put up with my shit, I have the most dysfunctional family ever, for years.

His work has a gym attached to it and 4 times a week (Tuesday - Friday) DF will stay after work to work out. This means he either misses bedtime for DS or bundles in just as he is drifting off so I won't let him make a fuss.

On a Monday he comes home on time as he sees friends.

Would I be being unreasonable to ask him to maybe only work out twice a week instead? I worry he won't be getting the bonding time he needs with DS (22 weeks).

Sounds like he hasn't really registered that things change when you have a DC and if you want to spend time with the DC/do your share of childcare that tends to mean less time for hobbies like the gym.

I wouldn't ask him to work out less. I'd point out that his gym time means he's missing seeing his son, and also means you're doing bedtime all on your own and he's not doing his share (which you may not see as a chore now but you might do after years of it!) Then hope that he makes the right decision by himself...

How long does he spend at the gym each evening?and is he training for an event or just because it's something he enjoys?

minipie - Good plan, I know if I ask him not to work out he may throw his toys out of the pram, but he says he misses DS when he is at work so I can point out how much more he will see him and be able to enjoy things like bath-time if he is home earlier.

You are right, he hasn't yet figured out that his life can't carry on as normal.

honeybee - Its something he enjoys. He's ex military and enjoys keeping in shape (he is very gorgeous and muscly!) He spends roughly 2 hours so is home about 7:30pm.

Could he work out before work? He still gets to do his muscly thing, and gets to be there for bedtime :)

Could he go to work a bit earlier and use the gym without it impacting too much on family life? Or could he ask for a half hour longer at lunch to go to the gym in exchange for coming in a bit earlier and/or leaving a bit later?

Ooo lucky you! I agree with little miss suggest work out before work, or in lunch time (one of my dos work mates spends his whole dinner time cycling...I don't get it but I'm lazy allergic to exercise)

Dos=dp's

Right, he is home. I will tackle him in a bit and let you know what the outcome is. Thank you for the suggestions!

Good luck, just be honest about how you feel.

I would say leave him to it if he is a hands on and attentive dad at weekends.

Ok, he understands how I feel and had not realised he was missing out on so much. I pointed out that DS is starting to giggle, sit up and roll over. He can't go in early as the security gates won't be unlocked (military based civvy job).

Upshot is, he will come home on time 3 days a week and use his weightsbench once DS is in bed.

Result! :)

squeaky - sorry, did not see your post in time. He is an attentive dad but tends to do "playtime" things only. Leaves bath, nappies, bed etc to me.

Brilliant news. Glad you both came up with a compromise that suits. It's always best to be upfront when things niggle so they don't end up being a big deal weeks and weeks down the line.

Also bath time is excellent for daddy bonding, my dp loves doing bath time, more so since dd could sit and splash etc so you may find it's something your dh takes over in time.

Go team flump :o