Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my DH should *not* get the snip?

7 replies

ginnybag · 26/05/2011 15:46

In a complete flip to the usual post on here, my DH commented the other day that he thinks this would be a good idea. I replied that I didn't think it was a good idea, and he's been a bit short with me ever since.

We're 29 and 30, with one 16 month DD. We have a form of contraception (the implant) which works and which I wouldn't be keen to have removed in any case as it's stopped my periods completely for the last year, and with them, the horrendous migraines they triggered.

He says it (the snip) would make him happier, because he 'can't ever see himself with more DC than DD' and doesn't want the risk of an accident.

I agree that, right now, another child is a no-no, but I (and I thought this was we until this conversation!) haven't ruled it out completely for the future.

I think we, and DD, are far too young for any decision that final to be made. I just don't see the need for such a drastic step.

His reply to that was, 'well, it's not your decision, is it? I'll think about it.'

I don't, for one second, think he would actually do it without my agreement, but I'm shocked he'd consider doing it. We've been a couple for going on 13 years, btw, and have had endless conversations about kids/no kids etc where he's never ever indicated this kind of feeling before.

I know he has the right to say he wants no more kids - and, if in a few years, that was still his answer, I'd respect that - but this feels too soon for so definite a take. AIBU to say he should wait until DD is in school - so, four years - and see how we feel then. I'd support him at that time, as I'm not keen to be having kids past mid-thirties anyway.

Sorry, it's long, but there's always the 'by stealth' risk!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 26/05/2011 15:49

I don't think many NHS trusts would offer him one, tbh, based on his age and having had only one child. But he could go private.

NulliusInVerba · 26/05/2011 16:00

Do you think maybe he is finding new parenthood hard?

16 months is probably a hard time, all its been is nappies and no sleep and now they are up and about and into everything. Maybe he isnt taking being a dad well and is thinking no more.

It is his body, but if I was in your shoes id advise him to wait a bit aswell.

MonstaMunch · 26/05/2011 16:07

its really up to him, if he really doesnt want any more children, then its his decision

its then your decision as to what is the best thing for you

mummakaz · 26/05/2011 16:09

My DH has had the snip and he is 30 (nhs) but with 2 kids so his age might not be a factor for some doctors

Yes op I think he should wait a while before having it done. Your DD is only 16 mths old and tbh when my kids were that age I didn't want another one and having a vasectomy reversal is not always guarenteed to work if he were to change his mind

Malificence · 26/05/2011 16:10

If you had 4 kids then I was prepared to say YABU, but in this case he's far too young to make this huge decision, YANBU to ask him to wait 4/5 years and if he hasn't changed his mind by then, fine.

Was your DD planned, is he finding it harder than he expected do you think?

MoreBeta · 26/05/2011 16:14

Had a similar conversation with DW about 5 years ago. She said no as well. Absolutley no. Verbotten!

The reason was that she thought if she died I might want children with someone else. That was a ball out of left field I really wasn't expecting.

Malificence · 26/05/2011 16:37

Let me clarify my position by saying my DH has had a vasectomy, at the age of 42, when our DD was 18 years old.
We were very sure that we didn't want any more children and I was sick of my coil causing problems. For us it was the most practical decision.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page