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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fat children - how is it acceptable to OVERFEED your kids?

70 replies

JuanMoreTime · 26/05/2011 15:07

Local pool today.
toddler the size of a house. changing afterwatds with the mum giving it those cheapo Football crazy crisps then they headed off to cafe,
This kids had RIPPLES of fat. If this was he same but underweight he would be in care.

OP posts:

cantspel · 26/05/2011 16:25

There are so many children who are overweight we forget how a child should look. They are now called sturdy, big boned or given excuses like they are awaiting a growth spurt.

The puppy fat excuse is a myth as children who start secondary school overweight are likely to leave education in the same condition.

itisnearlysummer · 26/05/2011 16:26

I think that's true to a point Pingu, but the OP and others have referred to 'rolls' and 'ripples' of fat.

some children are chunkier than others, but I don't think many people would look at them and think they were fat.

cantspel · 26/05/2011 16:29

pingu your son has a larger frame then his siblings and his frame will decide his body shape. He can have a larger body shape without carrying fat. A child can have wide shoulders or be tall without having ripples of fat around his middle.

lesley33 · 26/05/2011 16:30

Piratecat - My mum, dad and brother are all slim and I am fat. I was a fat baby, toddler, child and adult. I ate the same as my brother who is 10 months older as a child, did exercise and ate healthily as a child.

But although it was the right portions for my brother, the portions were too big for me. Otherwise I wouldn't have been fat.

Some children/adults need less food than others if tehy are going to stay slim.

I have never identified with the people/articles that tell you how much someone eats at a certain weight and what they eat now. Often those peopel will be less fat than me, but I eat a fraction of what they eat. But for me, it is too much.

noddyholder · 26/05/2011 16:31

What about if you overfeed your kids but they stay skinny

lesley33 · 26/05/2011 16:33

But I do think many people have lost sight of what an ordinary slim child looks like. Big framed means the children will have wide shoulders, etc. But the still shouldn't have much fat on them.

wigglybeezer · 26/05/2011 16:33

I always think check how fat the pets are in households where the family complain that its their genes making them fat even though they eat hardly anything.

lesley33 · 26/05/2011 16:34

noddyholder - then you are not overfeeding them. You may think they are eating loads, but they obviously need it.

pingu2209 · 26/05/2011 16:37

My ds2 who is the chunky one, it really is just thicker set children. You can tell just from the width of his back or the size of the muscle on his thighs. He really isn't at all overweight, but in comparison to his brother and sister you can see he is far more solid.

Sadly I was exactly the same, as was my father. Both of us struggle (and fail) to remain a healthy weight.

I Never Ever Ever mention his shape/size or anything like. Like the other poster, my mother mentioned my shape and size and weight all the time and it led to years of yo you dieting and thinking size and shape was all that you based your self worth on.

ilovedora27 · 26/05/2011 16:40

I am 7 stone 3 and am 5 foot 3. My daughter as a baby and toddler was big but she has lost a lot of weight now but is still not really skinny. She doesnt get it from me or her dad who is 5 foot 10 and weighs 10 stone.

I think a shock to me and my husband when we had a child is if you eat like us and are a 'normal' person then you put on weight. No matter what either of us do we couldnt put on weight, its impossible for us regardless of the amount of food we eat. I learnt with my daughter thats not the same for some people.

bonkers20 · 26/05/2011 16:51

If this was he same but underweight he would be in care.

Maybe the child WAS in care. Maybe he's just been removed from an abusive family where he was shoved in a corner with a bag of crisps. Maybe those crisps now provide some sort of emotional crutch for him and his new carers are not tackling food issues just yet.

It's unlikely because thankfully most children have a loving family, but you just don't know.

pingu2209 · 26/05/2011 16:57

This isn't exactly answering the OP question but on the same subject.

I truely believe that a morbidly obese person has mental health issues. I'm not talking a stone or two overweight - or even three or four stone overweight. People who are stones and stones and stones overweight must have mental health issues.

I have read all the stories in the press and often they say they were heavy children.

I wonder whether their size and shape was made an issue throughout their lives and this has led to them having an unhealthy attitude to food. People who should love them no matter what have said to them from a very young age that they need to lose weight. To a child, what they hear is "I'm not pleased with you because you are too big". A child just wants to please its parents and then believes "I'm not going to be loved if I am overweight."

Perhaps if as children they were accepted as overweight, but loved and nothing mentioned to them about size. Instead, the parents intoduce more exercise as fun rather than a health necessity or more healthy food as treats as well as sweets and chocs as treat etc. Maybe then these people would have remained purely 'overweight' and never tipped over into morbidly obese as adults.

Being overweight isn't great but it is a darn sight better than morbidly obese with mental health issues.

lesley33 · 26/05/2011 17:23

I agree pingu. A good friend is about 22-23 stone. She became fat as a 9-10 year old. Her much older sister was anorexic and spent a lot of time making delicious puddings for my friend. She ate them all up and rapidly put on lots of weight. I don't know why her parents didn't seem to have done anything.

lesley33 · 26/05/2011 17:25

In terms of thin parents and fat child - Cher and her child Sonny who was fat and who is now a far adult.

ilovedora27 · 26/05/2011 17:29

I think its quite easy to have a fat child and be a slim adult. I am so slim it has never even crossed my mind to watch what I eat, or go on a diet. It always seemed like something everyone else worried about but wouldnt ever be of concern to me.

Spudulika · 26/05/2011 17:36

YANBU

But, I say that as the parent of an 11 year old dd who is definitely on the porky side (did her bmi last week and she is JUST overweight).

I try really hard to stop her overeating. She really loves food - all food and just loves to eat.

I find it exhausting trying to stop her gluttony, especially since she's started to become an adolescent. It's become yet another thing for her to challenge me on..... I'd hate it if I thought anyone believed I was careless about portion control or that I was standing by allowing her to eat shite.

ThisisaSignofthetimes · 26/05/2011 17:39

lesley33, Cher not a good example, no one really knows what her real shape is anymore!

betterwhenthesunshines · 26/05/2011 17:39

But if a child still has rolls of fat at age 7, surely it's going to be so hard for them to lose that extra weight? That's a hard way to start out in life when you are too young to make your own decisions about what you eat ie. the child isn't in control over what's given to him.

But OP you did say a toddler so maybe still some baby chubb - maybe it was just one packet of crisps so it's a bit hard to judge. I know I'm always starving after exercise - that's why I never go to the gym :o

JuJuBeans · 26/05/2011 18:14

I believe parents have a responsibility to make sure their kids are a reasonable weight. I see it as a type of abuse to let a child become obese. I was a fat toddler, fat little girl, plump teen, and overweight adult. We certainly didn't have a lot of junk in the house, and my DM cooked every meal from scratch. I just ate too much. My brother had severe health problems and took up a lot of may parent's time. They compensated "neglecting" me by giving me food. And so began a lifetime of emotional issues around food. I now use food to comfort myself, although I have managed to get the weight controlled but I have to follow a program almost all the time (WW is good for me and I feel as if I have control over food now not the other way around).

maypole1 · 26/05/2011 18:19

i know things like rickets ect becoming far more common their is a boy at my sons school who weighs 10 stone he is 11

the dad is very skinny and drinks and the mum is built like a house

usually its the mothers attatuide to food that determines how the child will be as she is usually the cook of the family

i often wonder when you see mums with their fat little lids what they find to buy in Iceland let alone do a weekly shop

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