to get soo angry...

[thinNigella]

DD (3) will NOT go to bed. Ever. Doesn't sleep in the day, so is tired at bedtime (7-7.30). For some reason it makes me so mad I lose it toally. I'm sick of it, it's evry night and shouting doesn't help but I do it anyway.

I just want her to go to bed on her own without coming downstairs, demanding milk , food etc etc, trying to play and watching TV till 9pm. It is too late.

What do I do?

We have regular routine, stories, cuddles etc then she just won't go to sleep. Aaarrggghhhh....

have you read the book divas and dictators??? may help you.

I'm by no means an expert but my friend managed to do it by putting her DD back in bed and saying "it's bedtime" and nothing more. Every time she got out thereafter she didn't say a word. Just put her back in her bed.
She said it was hard as DD got out literally 50 times. Took about 3 nights but she got the hint and now goes to bed with no problem.
You have to bite your Tongue and get the wine and chocolate at the ready just to get you through those days I think!!!
Good luck

oooh, no but will look it up.

Am I a diva?

Or a dictator

My ds2 needed far less sleep than his brother. I wasn't prepared to have him cavorting around the sitting room until the 10 o'clock news so the arrangement was that he went to bed but could read or play quietly until he fell asleep. Other than a cup of water, no refreshments were provided either. It really wasn't any good shouting at him because that simply made him all the less able to sleep! But I know your frustrations.

QueenCee, I have tried that. And tried it and tried it. It doesn't work.

I think half of it is I'm so exhausted from being on mumsnet all day work that by that time I literally have to have a break and she senses this and doesn't want to miss out. What she thinks she's missing out on, I just don't know. (Masterchef, maybe?)

I'm so ashamed of myself anf disappointed in myself for yelling at her, not nice when you want to go to bed anyway, and it resolves nothing - I'm simply taking out my anger and frustration on her.

What knid of mummmy does that....

Put her back to bed, quietly and without engaging in the drama. You are giving the behaviour lots of attention by shouting - know it's frustrating but it will work against you long term. Have you tried a story CD? Putting her in bed and leave it playing so she can settle with it.

Valium sandwich should do the trick and a mug of hot chocolate flavoured sedative .

We used to play one of these to my dd and it worked brilliantly. She liked the princess one best.

If she is playing and watching tv til 9pm it sort of implies that you eventually give in to her. Though I could have misinterpreted that.

Back to bed with her every single time. No fuss. No interaction. She's had her story and been tucked in.

Oh no! You're not a bad mummy.
My DD is only 7 months and as good as gold. I dread the time when she had toddler tantrums because I won't cope.
I think most mums shout and scream sometimes and feel at the end of their tether. All my friends with DC tell me stories of pulling their hair out and feeling like a bad mum.
I can't offer any other advice I'm afraid as i've still got that stage to come!

Hmmmmmm.

Hmmmmmm.

You all sounds like you have a point.

I must. try. again.

And not lose it, think of me at 7.30pm!

Do I explain to her what will happen (she is only just 3 but language v good)

Because you are shouting and bawling at her the bairn thinks/knows Mam is vexed with her and I think she is instinctivly trying to find a way of getting her 'pack leader' to let her back in the fold before she goes to bed. Which of course is making you livid with her.It is a bit like you arguing with DH and him telling you to go off to bed you will want to stay and say your piece to him to have the last word! Have a fresh start.

Be calm Be calm Be calm

Buy her a baby doll and make a beddy basket up for her with your DDs help let DD name her baby ect the ever night at 6.45 or whenever, you and DD but HER baby to bed. You need to praise DD as a good Mam and say what a good baby you have ect. Then put your DD to bed in the same calm collected way.

Try it for at least a week a bit of play acting with DCs works wonders

My dh just makes the dcs stand on the back door step, whatever the weather, if they come down - unless they have an obvious problem.

Now he just has to say, "Do you want some fresh air?" and they vanish.

We also got them personal cd players and borrow story cds from the library so if they can't get to sleep they can listen to a story. (recommended by a mumsnetter and very successful in this house).

If you are getting angry just walk away - lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to. It is probably "rewarding" the behaviour in some way and entertaining for them. It does not do you any favours either. If you just walk away from them when they are being unreasonable they may soon give up as it is just no fun.

Good luck. I think many of us have been there.

At 3 she should be old enough to put herself to bed. If she gets out of bed after bedtime simply tell her once it is bedtime and to go back to bed. no drama. Then entirely ignore her. Make liberal use of stairgates (at top of stairs to keep her coming down maybe - but not if she can climb over it).

Takes a while. And a lot of patience. But does work. (We also found the method suggested by QueenCee didn't work as DS "enjoyed" even the interaction of us taking him back to bed.

I have a three year old and know how they can bring out shouty, unreasonable, impatient mummy in the best of us!

How about doing your normal routine bath, bed, stories then leaving her room at 7pm. Then return to her room every 5 minutes at 7:05, 7:10 and 7:15. Each time say, 'what a good girl you are staying in your bed. You're good at staying in your bed.'
Then tell her you'll be ten minutes and go in at 7:25, 7:35. Then tell her you'll be back in one more time at 7:45. Each time say the same thing. 'What a good girl you are...' etc

This involves a lot of effort for about a week BUT it a) makes you feel better because you're praising her before she goes to sleep and not shouting (not judging you for shouting by the way, am far from perfect myself) and b) it achieves the behaviour you want and c) it reinforces the idea for her that she's good at staying in her bed.

Then in the morning reward with a sticker- display sticker chart on fridge and comment on it to all and sundry that come in your house 'Daughter is so good at staying in her bed at night.'

After a week, start only going in every 10 mins not every 5mins.

After another week start only going in every 15 mins making sure you use same language, 'what a good girl you are...etc'.

In final week go in after 15 mins, praise, after 15 mins, praise and after 30 mins.

I used this with my son and it worked really well. (By the way some children don't really know what 10 mins means or 15 mins so I would say,' I'll be back in 5 mins, that gives me enough time to empty the dishwasher and go to the toilet.'

Also, very important, I would only go back if my child was quiet. I really emphasised this. I have a 3 yr old and 5 yr old sharing a room and they loved a night time wander too but this technique worked really well.

Nowadays I go up after 15 mins and then again after 30 mins by which time they're asleep.

Good luck!

Well, I'm not sure if it's considered bad parenting, but I have stairgates on my 3YO son's room and my 2YO daughter's room.

THey might well get out of bed, but they are not getting out of their room!

DS plays for a while and then just clambers back up onto his bed and goes to sleep. DD just goes straight to sleep. Both of them have tried it on in the past but they KNOW it's not going to get them anywhere!