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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have been upset with dd today??

24 replies

CocktailQueen · 26/05/2011 08:47

It's my birthday today. DS came and jumped on bed gave me big hugs, told me happy birthday, kisses, lovely. DD age 7 was getting ready for school (DH got up with them and did them breakfast), gave me a wave, went back to getting ready. I was a bit Hmm but ok.

Did her teeth for her and asked, aren't you going to say happy birthday to me? That's what you do when it's someone's bday. She agreed but then left the room.

DS gave me cards and drawings he'd made me; dd getting ready, out of room. DH went out and spoke to her - she came in and gave me a bday badge and said 'we got this at the shop on saturday' - no happy bday, no hugs, no anything.

By this point I was really upset (think I may be premenstrual too but...), cried, left room, told dd I was upset. she said she hadn't meant to upset me but she was going to say happy birthday later when she gave me her present Confused. I said, well I had already asked you to say happy birthday and that's what you do - say happy bday to someone when you first see tham that day, not wait till after school.... so, aibu?? Think I could maybe have handled it better but I was upset. Gah.

OP posts:
cjbartlett · 26/05/2011 08:50

Aw poor dd
she probably feels rotten
she is only 7

anyway move on have a happy birthday and spoil her with cake tonight as well as you

manicbmc · 26/05/2011 08:55

I think it's a bit much. She probably had a nice plan in her head of how and when she wanted to say it.

I know it's your birthday but laying guilt on a 7 yr old isn't the way to go really. My dd (was 15 at the time) gave me a card from my card stockpile last year. I got no present. She was hacked off at me over some stuff as we had had a really tough year. But I didn't mention how upset I was about it and got on with enjoying my day.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

cantspel · 26/05/2011 08:56

wow you really know how to hand your child a guilt trip dont you.
Are you going to cry and leave the room everytime she doesn't behave in the way you want her to?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/05/2011 08:59

Oh dear. It's understandable that you'd be upset that your DD didn't wish you a happy birthday (Happy Birthday, by the way Wine), but by taking this up with your DD now this morning, in a rush getting ready for school, it didn't achieve the desired result. I can understand that DD at 7 is at a funny age, I think that's about the time when they realise that other people have events and happenings that mean they get attention rather than themselves.

Perhaps she has plans for later on when she gets home from school and by pre-empting them by askkng for birthday wishes, you've scuppered them - in her 7 year old mind where everything must be perfect or it just doesn't work AT ALL.

Don't say anything else about it to your DD, have a word with DH maybe to see what he has said to DD and if he has any idea at her mood. Good wishes that have to be extracted don't mean anything and aren't worth having.

Don't let it spoil your day, your DD loves you, even if she is a little madam - celebrate with your DS and just let DD sidle in if she wants to. It sounds like a fit of sulks to me and I'd ignore it - pick her up on it afterwards if you want to but don't make it into something momentous when it really isn't.

Enjoy your day, OP. Grin

OhYouBadBadKitten · 26/05/2011 08:59

I think today will be a good day to think about how to handle expectations of what children do. The thing to have done would be to ask your dh to remind her not to forget to say Happy Birthday. That way she could have done it without confusion and guilt. She may well have had a grand plan, or she might find the fuss about birthdays awkward and a bit confusing.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 26/05/2011 08:59

I think you know you were.

beesimo · 26/05/2011 08:59

I think your DD had a 'secret plan' to surprise you with and you've mucked it up by being a bit grabby with her. You need to cuddle her and say your sorry badly done Mam

SenoritaViva · 26/05/2011 09:00

She probably just didn't get it and now feels dreadful that it made you cry. I understand that you were a bit hurt, but children don't automatically know what is expected of them. I know you said aren't you going to wish me happy birthday but she probably thought 'yes, later with my present'.

bluebobbin · 26/05/2011 09:03

I don't want to sound mean, but I think you need to grow up.

Morloth · 26/05/2011 09:03

Geez, guilt trip much?

She is only 7, how old are you?

savoycabbage · 26/05/2011 09:05

It is a bit odd to be so upset about her not saying the actual words 'happy birthday'.

OddBoots · 26/05/2011 09:06

Sounds like a misunderstanding. I don't watch a lot of TV but I have still lost count of the number of programmes that feature someone pretending to forget a birthday then having a big 'surprise' later and it all being jolly and happy, could she have picked up on something like this?

DaftApeth · 26/05/2011 09:07

You sound like a real drama queen!

Fleurdebleurgh · 26/05/2011 09:08

YABU.

I think most people understand that past about 17yr old, noone gives a shit about your birthday but you.

saffy85 · 26/05/2011 09:13

YABU. Very.

Talk about an overreaction Hmm

Happy birthday btw.

CaptainBarnacles · 26/05/2011 09:15

Maybe she felt a bit jealous and excluded because your DS was being so cuddly and effusive? It might have been a reaction to that: 'oh i won't bother then' and then you pushing her made it worse.

YABU, (and pre-menstrual?!) but don't worry about it. We all balls things up now and then. Have a nice day while the kids are at school and start again tonight. Happy Birthday, OP.

diddl · 26/05/2011 09:20

Of course YABU.

Your poor daughterSad

Original poster
CocktailQueen · 26/05/2011 09:21

OP here OK, thanks everyone. I get the picture. Will apologise to her tonight.

OP posts:
CaptainBarnacles · 26/05/2011 09:22

Well done, OP. Have a nice day!

SenoritaViva · 26/05/2011 09:46

Now don't beat yourself up, enjoy your day!

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 26/05/2011 09:59

Jesus, poor kid.

Hope you have a nice day op but I think you were very ott.

LordOfTheFlies · 26/05/2011 10:06

Didn't your DH remind her to buy something for you/get a card etc? At the age of 7 I think they still need a push.
(This from the mother of an 11yo DS who didn't get me card-I buy little presents that I want and they wrap them. But I still love the little gitGrin )

MonstaMunch · 26/05/2011 11:27

lol, how silly and unnecessary

how old are you - 8?

ridiculous lol

Thingumy · 26/05/2011 11:29

Oh ffs OP,get over yourself.

You sound very immature.

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