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to think that dh is a soft arse?

50 replies

susantheslut · 25/05/2011 20:43

Husband is a biker. Trouble is, someone bought him the 'Long Way Down' DVD. This is the one with Charlie Fucking Boring and Ewan Useless McGreggor. Now Soft Arse has announced that he too wants to ride his bloody motorbike to Cape Town. I tried humoring to start with, but he really is serious.

is he being selfish or should I let him follow his dreams?

OP posts:

Bumfuzzle · 25/05/2011 20:52

Can you as a family afford it?
How long will it take?
How will it impact on you while he's away?
Can you cope?
If you want to take an extended time out to do something once in a lifetime for you, will he support that?
If you say no, how will that affect your relationship? Can one adult say "no" to another adult anyway? Yes you can say what you want and yes you can say if they do X then you will do Y, but at the end of the day, you can't actually ban them from doing what they want to do.


Bumfuzzle · 25/05/2011 20:53

will he support that and be in sole charge of the children during that time, that should read.


COCKadoodledooo · 25/05/2011 21:00

Dh is wittering on about taking himself off to do the Coast to Coast walk (I know not quite the same). I haven't said he can't, have just asked him to organise everything himself.

It was first mooted around 10 years ago, he's not gone yet. Maybe yours will be like mine.

If the boot was on the other foot I know he would let me go (and did - I went to Timbuktu for 2 weeks and left him at home with 3yo ds).


susantheslut · 25/05/2011 21:01



Yes we probably could afford it, but that isn't the point. I'm more worried about the dangers. More worrying is that he does seem to be serious. I'm told that he will travel overland to Venice, get the boat to Alexandia, travel South through Egypt, into Sudan, Ethiopia, kenya, Tanzania and onto Cape Town.

He has never done anything like this before. Why oh why he suddenly thinks he's Ranulph fucking twickanham cunting Feinnes, is anyones guess. Has anyother Mums Netters partners suddenly announced silly projects like this?

OP posts:

pozzled · 25/05/2011 21:02

Is he being selfish? Well, yes, anyone that tries to follow a dream is selfish to a certain extent, and this would take what, weeks? Months? And be fairly expensive etc etc.

Should you let him follow his dream? Agree with pp about 'letting'- it can only be his decision, but you can choose to support him or not. For me it would depend how important it was to him and how much consideration had gone into it.

How long has he wanted to do it?
What are the realistic costs- not just money but impact on career, impact on family with him being away?
Are these costs manageable for you personally?
What risks are involved and how can he reduce them as much as possible?
What does he want/expect from you in terms of support, and what consideration has he given to making it as easy as possible on you?

I guess for my DH if he wanted something badly enough, had considered every aspect of it, and was willing to make a lot of sacrifices himself, then I would try to support him. But not if I felt it was likely to harm our relationship, family or financial security.


susantheslut · 25/05/2011 21:03


Thats interesting. I too visited Timbuktu, many years ago.

OP posts:

CroissantNeuf · 25/05/2011 21:10

I'm sure there was a thread on here a year or so ago where someones DH wanted to do something equally as crazy and selfish challenging.

Hopefully someone might remember the outcome or be able to link to the thread


susantheslut · 25/05/2011 21:17


Thanks for the reply. FWIW, i've told him in no uncertain terms that it is a NO NO and that as a Father he has parental responsibilities.

OP posts:

Pedallleur · 25/05/2011 21:18

Yes he should do it if all the coditions in the first reply are met. Also, he would have to take adequate life insurance in case the worst happens so the family are provided for and the house paid for. Chances are this will be expensive. He must also have adequate health insurance. Is he going on his own or mates? Some of those places like Sudan/Ethiopia may not be best travelled solo. See FO website or Lonely Planet


susantheslut · 25/05/2011 21:19


Thanks for the reply. He's on about doing it solo. Would he get insurance for this?

OP posts:

Hassled · 25/05/2011 21:20

Yes - He would have to insure his arse off. Which I'd imagine would be bloody expensive/nigh on impossible, wouldn't it? That might be your escape route.


Dappylittlemomma · 25/05/2011 21:22

My husband has been really keen to, and has done, a few challenges which were potentially dangerous and left me home alone with the kids, so I know how you feel. I reckon it's important to respect his ambition and not put him down about it. As was said previously, you probably can't stop him, so I reckon you should go with being supportive. If he's thought it though it'll hopefully work, and if it's just pie in the sky then nice for him to know you would support him.


susantheslut · 25/05/2011 21:29


Thanks, I could understand if he'd always been adventurous, but this is the result of him reading the book and watching a DVD. He turned 48 this month, btw. Is this what is meant by a mid life crisis?

OP posts:

Dappylittlemomma · 25/05/2011 21:32

Sounds like it could well be. If he just likes the idea of it, he would probably love to believe you think he is adventurous, and then not feel the need to prove it to you or himself


listeningstick · 25/05/2011 21:36

Support him slut, if he goes you get peace and quiet for a while and he cannot moan any more about you being unreasonable. Be warned!! my ex went on a motorcycle adventure with some friends a few years ago and then I found some hidden photos they had taken in what were obviously brothels. Get ready to change the locks if he does go.


CroissantNeuf · 25/05/2011 21:37

I've found a couple of threads that you might want t have a look at when you get a chance. I've not re-read them so apologies if not entirely relevant.

Husband number 1

Husband number 2

I think the second one was the one I remember

(theres probably a few more too)


susantheslut · 25/05/2011 21:55


Thanks listening. My DH is not like that, i'm sure brothels arn't part of his itinary.

OP posts:

jenga079 · 25/05/2011 21:55

He's being unreasonable for liking that book/DVD. I took it on holiday last year and was soooooooo bored!

FWIW, DP has similar 'dreams'. I told him point blank that he needed to change them so that they include me and any children we have. Jetting off on his own for three months is out. Saving for a campervan and all taking off together is a dream we can share. He still grumbles about it from time to time, but agrees that I am right (of course!) I'll update you in six years or so to let you know if we managed it Grin


listeningstick · 25/05/2011 22:05

Slut, my ex was a loving caring and kind man. I would not have believed it either but when I discovered his collection of pornography I realised that he was leading a double life... Sorry I still find this hard to talk about. What made it worse was his obvious taste in watersports and midget sex, the damned pervert, thinking about the consequenses if one of the kids had found these doesnt bear thinking about. As I say it appears he was one of the instigators of these visits` to houses of ill repute along with his/our so called mates. Its all the lies that hurt.


Thingumy · 25/05/2011 22:07

My dh wanted to start a new hobby.


I told him he was a dumb arse and that if he went ahead he'd be divorced and most probably dead too.

He changed his mind funnily enough.


Thingumy · 25/05/2011 22:08

Midget sex?


listeningstick · 25/05/2011 22:09

Yes I know, the dirty Ba*tard.


susantheslut · 25/05/2011 22:12


Crikey Listening. Are you serious?

OP posts:

IvyAndGold · 25/05/2011 22:14

Ewan Useless McGreggor?!


he is delish :o


dawntigga · 25/05/2011 22:16

Pass your direct access and go with him.

I always wanted to do Faro on bog seat mopeds - with a control van natch.


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