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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be in tears over this?

27 replies

Bogeyface · 25/05/2011 20:14

Or am I being hormonally unreasonable?

Money has been really really tight for the last few months. Something happened that meant we were wiped out savings wise and then the car broke down to the tune of £1000, on top of our income being cut by25% each month. Nothing we could do about any of this, but it has meant that every penny is accounted for.

Subsequently, I havent been able to do what I would normally do for the kids before they go on holiday (they go with their dad and grandad every year for a week at this time of year) and go and get them a load of new clothes. They have some new stuff, but their older stuff has had to last a bit longer. DD1 is 13 and I know that she in particular feels it when she isnt quite fitting in with her friends. I totally sympathise because it was the same for me growing up, so when I had a bit of money I spent it on her. I got her a couple of really nice tops that she chose and then she saw a dress she wanted. It is a summer dress, fashionable and really pretty and was a good price, so i got it. Except that she hasnt worn it and hasnt packed it for the holiday. I said "Are you going to wear it" and she said "I dont know" and I could tell by the look on her face that she doesnt like it or has changed her mind. If she had said that she didnt like it when it arrived I could have sent it back for something else, but she said she loved it and now it is too late. I ordered it online and it is past the deadline.

It has really upset me because I went without myself to get her this, not that I resent it, i really really dont because its what you do for your children isnt it? But for her to just not give a toss has just really got to me.

so come on, I can take it, aibu?!

OP posts:
LaughingAunt · 25/05/2011 20:18

To a 13yo what was fashionable last week is sooo tragic this week.

Ebay it.

AnyFucker · 25/05/2011 20:20

I don't think yabu

and I don't think she is, either

I have a teenage girl, 15, and she is exactly the same

stuff she mithered for relentlessly, left ignored

when I say "are you sure you will wear it?" I get "of course I will...."

she won't understand how much you worry about money, because I bet you are a brill mum who has shielded her from the worst of it, yes ?

let it go

fume quietly, but let it go

Bogeyface · 25/05/2011 20:21

Well it turns out that she tried it on when it arrived and "thought it was a bit tight but it would be ok" and now she cant get it on.

I saw her in it when it arrived and it looked fine but now it is too tight, her boobs are growing quite fast so I suspect that that may be the culprit, but now I am even more mad because she knew it was a bit tight and didnt say anything when I made it clear that if it wasnt right we could order another dress or another size. Oh and me being upset at the waste of money is me "having a go at her AGAIN" and she hates me.

I might has well sit here buring tenners hadnt I? :(

OP posts:
cryingagain · 25/05/2011 20:21
  1. Ebay
  2. Talk to her friends parents/carers etc to see if anyone will buy off you
  3. Ask her if a friend of hers will exchange it for an item she WILL wear

Any of these an option?

WowOoo · 25/05/2011 20:22

She doesn't realise what you've forgone. I'd be upset too. YANBU.

Ask her if she's got anything else to ebay to raise family funds and to think more carefully about what she wants in the future.

ChippingIn · 25/05/2011 20:22

I'm sure it's not that she doesn't give a toss, she probably just didn't know how to tell you that she's gone off it :( Could you put it on eBay and try to recoup some of the money - quite often things go for the retail price.

Sorry things have been so tight for you - you aren't alone though... if that makes you feel any better :(

AnyFucker · 25/05/2011 20:23

yes, burn the tenners now

get used to being the parent of a teenager < sympathy >

when my dd does a similar feckless thing she says "but I didn't wnat to hurt your feelings !..."

grrrr

AgentZigzag · 25/05/2011 20:23

I can see why it upsets you, you wanted to do something nice for your DD and it means a lot for you to be able to afford it.

Does she just think it's not OK for the holiday and will actually get wear out of it for the rest of the summer?

Failing that, get it on ebay and some cash back, you can get her something she's maybe more keen on?

If it's upsetting you, I think you should have a chat with her about it, it might not be what you think.

AgentZigzag · 25/05/2011 20:24

'when my dd does a similar feckless thing she says "but I didn't wnat to hurt your feelings !..."'

That's really lovely Smile

AnyFucker · 25/05/2011 20:25

AZZ...yes, kinda

until you realise you are 40 quid down !

SingingSands · 25/05/2011 20:26

Oh dear, chalk it up to experience. ebay the dress and buy yourself something with the proceeds.

fedupofnamechanging · 25/05/2011 20:26

If it's not been worn and still has the labels on, you might still be able to send it back. It's worth asking. Failing that can you keep it for a younger daughter? If not, then sell it. Gumtree is free to advertise and they don't take a percentage of sale price.

Think that next time, you will have to not trust DD's judgement and check if things fit her yourself. Sorry, I know that's not much help.

She will have to accept that because she didn't speak up, she will have fewer new clothes this time around. It might teach her to say something next time.

TheSecondComing · 25/05/2011 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 25/05/2011 20:41

YANBU to be upset.

What kind of clothes does she like? I am a recent convert to charity shops - I always swore I'd buy new, as I was always dressed in manky second hand stuff as a child, but they are different nowadays - I work at one, and they are really strict on quality. Honestly nobody would know where it comes from.

AgentZigzag · 25/05/2011 20:43

I would have found a way to somehow blame my mum in my teenage years AF Grin

FabbyChic · 25/05/2011 20:43

I buy all my clothes from eBay, have recently attended interviews wearing everything bought from eBay. All Next Suits/Trousers/Shirts and shoes! Not even a 3rd of the price

AnyFucker · 25/05/2011 20:52

tell me abahhht it, AZZ

I have had a weekend from hell with my dd, but I don't want to hijack Bogey's thread !

AgentZigzag · 25/05/2011 21:04

You can't offer a tit bit like that without following up!

I'm sure it'll reassure and give hope to BF in her hour of need Grin

AnyFucker · 25/05/2011 21:09

AZZ, it is really, really long

and I am exhausted Sad

AgentZigzag · 25/05/2011 21:14

Hug for you instead.

AnyFucker · 25/05/2011 21:15

oh, thanks x

AnyFucker · 25/05/2011 21:16

< passes along to Bogey >

gerardway · 25/05/2011 21:18

Ohh please AF. My DD has started going shopping with my lovely SIL who buys clothes like they are going out of fashion Grin. Anyway I now have to give away or sell unworn clothes that my DD has bought with my moneyHmm

AnyFucker · 25/05/2011 21:38

my traumas with dd this weekend are absolutely nuffin to do with clothes, nor money

rest assured

might post in teenagers, actually

skybluepearl · 25/05/2011 21:42

if it's still got the labels - can you give it as a gift?