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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not really an apology?

14 replies

sunshine76 · 25/05/2011 16:21

Had a playdate arrange for my DD (2.8) this morning, only arranged three days ago with another SAHM I know who lives just down the road. She was supposed to come over at 10.30am and stay for lunch.

She never showed up and later that day (2pm) I got this email:

We totally stood you up!! Oops, my days are all mixed up from the long weekend. Is there another day this week or next that would work for you?

So am I being unreasonable to think this is not a proper apology and to think she is a rude cow?

(note we are not in UK and had a Bank hol on Monday)

OP posts:
McDreamy · 25/05/2011 16:23

I would give her the benefit of the doubt this time (although a sorry would have been nice), bank holidays can screw up your clock a bit. Arrange another day, if it happens again DUMP HER! Smile

deaconblue · 25/05/2011 16:24

rude and disorganised BUT if she's a nice person generally and you want your dd to play with her child I would take it as an apology and rearrange. I wouldn't offer lunch next time though to be on the safe side.

IslaValargeone · 25/05/2011 16:25

Yabu, she got her days confused, it happens to the best of us. Bloody annoying for you if you prepared lunch I grant you, but did you call her when she was late?
What do you want from her from her exactly?

Flisspaps · 25/05/2011 16:25

YABU. Rearrange and have a nice time :)

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/05/2011 16:26

It's not much of an apology, but it's stretching it a bit to start thinking she is a rude cow. As others have said, give her the benefit of the doubt.

blackeyedsusan · 25/05/2011 16:28

it can happen, if it is a one off, let it go, if it becomes a habit re think your friendship...

AmyStake · 25/05/2011 16:30

She acknowledged she stood you up, and is willing to rearrange, so I guess that's kind of half way to an apology? Hmm

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt this time, she should have said sorry but IMO what she sent is better than her just ignoring it completely.

Original poster
sunshine76 · 25/05/2011 16:52

I guess I was a bit harsh calling her a rude cow then!

But i was thinking if it was me I would be mortified and ring to apologize.

I did call her at 11am to see if they were coming but there was no answer.

Also I don't really buy the long weekend excuse as we both said our DHs were working that day so really no different than any other if you are a SAHM.

She does seem a bit flaky and disorganised so maybe this is just a usual thing for her.

We have known each other from around for about 18 months but never been friends or done anything together, she was the one who suggested this playdate. I was happy to just be playground aquaintances after a previous incident where we said lets do a playdate, swapped emails, I invite them over and she never replied.

After that I didn't see or hear from her for awhile, until she decided to invite me to some toy selling party thing she does (which I also thought was a bit rude and cheeky).

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 25/05/2011 16:57

Your'e a bit harsh aren't you, not allowing for a bit of forgetfulness.
If you have quite a low tolerance for disorganisation, and everything she does appears to you to be rude, you are probably better to give her a bit of a wide berth.

Original poster
sunshine76 · 25/05/2011 17:15

Thanks for the feedback, have decided to email her and offer to rearrange but leave the ball in her court.

I don't want to be rude to her as we live on the same street and our DCs are going to the same pre-school, school etc so we will always run into each other.

FWIW I was a bit annoyed for my DDs sake as she was really looking forward to playing with her friend and was very whiney when I said it looked like they weren't coming.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 25/05/2011 17:19

I think it was rude. I don't think it was rude to forget/screw up - shit happens usually to really disorganised people but a proper apology was definitely in order!

Bumfuzzle · 25/05/2011 18:28

anyone can forget an arrangement, but personally, I would have expected the word "sorry" in there somewhere.

"We totally stood you up!! Sorry, my days are all mixed up from the long weekend. Is there another day this week or next that would work for you?"

changing that one word makes all the difference.

I think not saying it is rude.

Forgetting is not rude. Forgetting is forgetting.

'oops' instead of sorry, is, imo, rude.

It could be interpreted by the failure to say sorry that the forgetting (and therefore wasting of the other person's time) did not matter = the other person's time is not important. (I would certainly interpret it that way, although I see that others wouldn't)

I think it is important to not give the impression that it doesn't matter if you forget an arrangement. "Sorry" matters. It's just good manners!

EricNorthmansMistress · 25/05/2011 18:41

Being forgetful is one thing, but an email that doesn't even contain the word 'sorry' is shit. She should have phoned immediately and apologised.

MigratingCoconuts · 25/05/2011 18:44

tell you will consider forgiving her if she brings cake next time....

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