to think my ex is a horrible selfish twat

[woahthere]

Oh my God my ex, the Father of my children is just driving me absolutely friggin mad. Hes been acting like an utter twat. He did a lot of things that were horrible towards the children and me and there is so much that I just wouldnt know where to start with how much hes done. I suppose the most important things for you to know are his circumstances at the moment are that he lives with his wife and her 2 children. He pushed me very far and I let rip about a lot of things, he then REFUSED to come and get the children until I apologised to him. He didnt see them for 10 weeks. I was so angry at his attitude towards his lovely children that I wrote him a letter telling him what I thought of him and that he had to see his children under certain conditions and with promises of treating them how they deserve to be treated. To make sure he didnt ignore it I sent it to his Mum as well! This may sound childish but my children were so desperate to see him that I was absolutely at the end of the line not knowing what to do. It seemed ot do something because his wife made a few promises and he arranged to have them for a weekend. Then surprise surprise he couldnt have them because his wifes child banged his head so they took him to the hospital....he could have come later as the child was fine but he didnt. The children were distraught about it. He has just offered to have them on the 11th June apart from it is his wifes childrens birthdays so my children wont get the attention they deserve after not seeing him for 15 weeks. I dont know what else to do to make him understand he cant let them down all the time. I offered him to have them next week because its half term but hes going away with his wife...why doesnt he think of his other children...his actual blood related children?! Im so upset for my kids...please someone advise me what to do. I dont see how you can just keep choosing one set of children over the other.

You're not wrong. It's just fucking horrible, innit?

hmm i still remember being little and waiting with my brother up the window on a sunday for my rubbish dad to turn up, always late, always straight out of the pub. He couldn't commit to one sunday afternoon a week. Our relationship now is just about clinging on but he is still a rubbish dad and an even worse grandad. I do think my mum would of been better off to just tell him to do one years ago and leave us to it. :( Poor kids

You can't make him do anything OP. You just can't. The sooner you come to terms with this the better for you - and ultimately the children.

Can't you just tell them that he's been posted to Afghanistan under some unheard of compulsory army scheme whereby people with his name living in his postcode area are drafted to serve in overseas conflicts?

Can we all please ignore Bellingham, the person is clearly not evolved - or something like that Sorry OP, I hope this hasn't distressed you too much. I'm afraid you may have to take on board what previous posters have said. You cannot force a man to have a relationship with his children. I've just gone through it all myself. I won't go into the details, but it is not unusual for men (and sometimes women) to stop wanting a relationship with their children when they meet someone new. It's a really sad but true fact. I'm heartbroken about my ex not having a relationship with his child but have now accepted it. Your children will also get used to it with your love and support. I think it's a process you may have to go through, you will come out the other end eventually. Can you arrange between you a schedule, it will likely be on his terms, there's not much you can do about that, but at least if you set something regular up you all know where you stand. Just think yourself lucky that you're not with this man anymore and he's now someone's elses problem. If he'll give up his own flesh and blood then what else is he capable of. He's a very selfish and self absorbed man.

woahthere....Say what you mean. Good luck

He's a twat. It amazes me that some parents can use their kids as ammunition like this. Without a second thought at all usually.

I'd stop chasing him tbh. Ofcourse your kids love him even if he is a selfish git at times but it wont take long for them to realise how badly he has treated them. It'll hurt like hell, but it'll be his doing. All you can do as a mum is be there to cuddle them close and tell them no matter what he does you love them more than anything in the world. I'm saying this as somone in your DC's place. My sister and I were treated in a similar way to your DC.

And also bear in mind you chasing him, pleading him to see the children is giving him all the power here. He's got you begging him to do something, he must love that. Please don't give him the satisfaction of pleading with him to do the decent thing, the thing any parent would do, and grace his own kids with his presence. One day his children will see him for what he is and may well tell him where to go. He wont be quite so smug then.