to wonder if shouty parents make tantrummy children!

[RedHotPokers]

Don't flame me - I'm talking about myself!

I am on the louder/shoutier side of the parenting spectrum. I try to keep a lid on it, and certainly never swear or anything like that, but I do vere towards increased volume in times of children-induced stress.

My DD used to have some HUGE tantrums as a toddler, and DS is well and truly competing to win the best tantrum of the year award, with some real corkers!

I have a few friends who claim their children never had tantrums. These friends also (possibly coincidentally) all are very chilled out, quiet people.

So do you think there is a correlation? Are my children tantrumming specialists as a result of my high-volume parenting (after all I take credit for all their wonderful traits - maybe I should also take credit for their more challenging ones )??

no, i am on the shouty end of the spectrum, one quiet and one loud child... fits in with quiet early talker and tantrummy non talker...

Insomnia11 I feel exactly the same way - I was sooooo chilled out before the DC came along.

I've just strapped my 2yo into his pushchair for hitting me as I don't have the energy to shout now and he kept getting out of the naughty corner.
He is now throwing the biggest wobbler.

My challenging early tantrummer was also my early talker, by far the most verbally dextrous of my children. Drama queen.

My more chilled out others were later talkers - but less bothered all round. The quieter two comtemplate the world, the noisy tantrummy talkative one just has to interact with it all the time.

My 2 were great for tantrums, throwing themselves on the floor, kicking and screaming. I used to make sure I had a pocket-sized book on cooking I could have a flick through while peering over the top, now and then, to see if said child had finished chucking a wobbly . Every time they stopped and saw me looking at them they started again, so I just calmly continued reading said book until they stopped for good. Worked a treat. They have grown out of it now.

Imagine the old-style, glasses-clad teachers peering over the top of their books to see if the class stops misbehaving. That was me without the glasses.

No-another thing that parents think is down to parenting-it is the personality of the DC.

I agree with madamedeathstare in that tantrums are a part of development which children need to learn how to cope with their emotions. I am of Mediterranean extraction so am a bit shouty. Ds was a bit tantrummy mainly due to frustration. DD had the odd tantrums but theyare now very laid back teenagers.

I think that they are quite a useful development stage-it is hard for a small child to cope with their emotions. I found they often had them when tired and everything felt a bit much. There are times I feel like having one as an adult -but I resist!

I'm a shouty mum but really I want to be a chilled out mum. My DS (4) is like me, shouty. I too wonder about this. Did I make him like this or was he always going to be like this??

I had one tantrum throwing child and one that didn't. The tantrum child was a very easy baby and the placid child was a very clingy baby, so I think a lot of these traits are just luck.

YABU. Tantrumming DC make shouty parents, not the other way round.

Agree entirely it is the personality of the DC which determines whether or not you get tantrums.

DS1 was a horror for tantrums from about 18 months til about 4...and we're now into teenage strops :) He has always had a terrible temper (exactly like me!) and used to have proper flailing about on the floor screaming fits. He was talking fluently very early.

Conversely DS2 who was a late talker, has never had a full on tantrum. He whines a bit, and then cries (quietly, with real tears - as opposed to DS1 who used to make the noise but no tears came out...)

I'm as shouty with both of them, they're just totally different characters.

Milly - my tantrummer was very clingy and never slept. Non-tantrummer not at all clingy (preferred daddy to me until 4 or 5) and a better sleeper.

CoteDAzur

Parents put all the positive things down to 'good parenting' it works fine until they get one who responds quite differently!

CoteDAzur, that's just what I was going to say. I don't think I'd ever shouted at anyone in my whole life before I had the DC. I've rarely shouted at DD2 who is not a tantrummer but the other DDs!!! Can anyone hear them? :o

Nah, shouting does not make tantrummy children. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with a good old fashioned rollocking when it is appropriate.

Tantrums will happen whilst the kids are young. It's fact of life. To think otherwise is like asking a baby not to cry. It's as normal as night follows day.

The secret is to teach them that tantrums are useless. And that by tantrumming they will never ever get what they want. My DSS threw a big wobbly the other day because he wanted to go to the chippy and I said "No". So I told him that now he's thrown a tantrum, there's NO chance.

My older two understand the simple rule that if you want something, ask. Explain why. You MAY get it. Throw a tantrum and its never ever ever. In fact I'll purposely make sure they don't get it.

I am the quietest mum in the world. When I get stressed I actually get quieter

DD is rather loud and is a champion tantrummer so neh.

Ditto lucysnowe.

I am not a shouter, have never shouted at DD. She is a major tantrummer. In fact, decided last night that getting a bit cross when she tantrumed might actually be the way to help teach her that shouting/kicking/thowing self on floor is not an appropriate way to handle her emotions.

Thanks for all the comments - especially CoteDAzur who summed it up so succinctly!

I learnt bad behaviour fro mmy mum. She used to have tantrums, scream, shout, swear etc. She'd throw things, smash things and hit me - hard when she was in a mood (for no reason other than to make herself feel better). I have no doubt that the bad behaviour I started to display as a kid was learnt from her.

DP on the other hand has very calm, patient parents, and neither he nor his sister were screamy tantrumy kids. His sister is a spoilt brat, but that's another matter