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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if I only have £10 to last us till thurs dh should not take £8 for coffee at work....

39 replies

Saw444 · 24/05/2011 13:46

leaving me with £2 for milk, juice and car parking at the hospital tomorrow!!

It's not the end of the world I know BUT we have a couple of large things to pay for so I have been sticking to a strict household budget ( first month) and thought I was doing well having £10 left which would have done us till I "allow" myself to draw more out for the household budget.

We both agreed to this and I have loads of cans in the house that he asked me to buy at the shop.

Even if we were the beckhams I would grudge that on coffee!!

OP posts:
WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 24/05/2011 13:47

Duh! Of course yanbu! Why is he being so silly?

MissJanuary · 24/05/2011 13:48

Your DH is being VU. Is there not a kettle or machine that provides hot water and he can take in his own jar of coffee?

If your budgeting I would say that £8 just for coffee is a luxury and therefore not do-able.

Original poster
Saw444 · 24/05/2011 13:48

Btw it's 8 £1 coins so it's not like he is going to bring change back.

He did mention this morning he was taken "a couple of £ out the joint purse"

OP posts:
Original poster
Saw444 · 24/05/2011 13:50

No kettle at work, when we actually sat down to work out a budget I suggested he bought a cheap kettle to take in but he said he would rather I bought cans of juice for him at the supermarket!!!

OP posts:
fgaaah · 24/05/2011 13:51

I think before you waste effort of yours cutting back and budgeting so well, you need to get your DH on board.

Otherwise he's just going to sabotage your efforts again and again.

This might be a "oops I didn't think" moment, or (I suspect) a pattern.

You need to sit him down and get him to understand what you're doing. Show him facts if need be (X comes in each month, Y goes out).

How did he agree to it? In a passing conversation? Does he have any true idea of what the finances are like? Does he go shopping with you with a set budget (draw it out in cash if needed) so impulse purchases can't be accommodated?

Basically, what I'm getting at is that the £8 coffee is the least of your worries. It's a wider pattern that you should aim to address.

Get thee to Money Saving Expert forum if you're struggling - many people have been there and got on well when they're trying to cut back, either by changing their feckless partner or ditching them.

squeakytoy · 24/05/2011 13:51

He needs to buy a flask then.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 24/05/2011 13:52

I can understand why he wouldn't want to take a kettle in....would be v embarrassing in front of colleagues to admit to not being able to afford to buy coffee :(
He has BVU taking 80% of your remaining money for it though.

GreenToes · 24/05/2011 13:53

Is there anything in the budget specifically for him that you could take maybe £6 out of? Then you could say you had only budgeted for him to take £2 out of the kitty and so have had to take the £6 from elsewhere to pay for things you need at the hospital. This will only work if it's a one-off thing. Otherwise you need to talk to him more seriously.

fgaaah · 24/05/2011 13:55

"he was taken "a couple of £ out the joint purse""

So a complete denial of the cost then. What's behind it? Do you challenge him on it? The next time he wants something (or better yet, needs something) that you can't afford (haircut, new work shoes) explain that you're £8 short and will have to wait until next month.

Does he ever hear the words "no, we can't afford that, you'll have to wait"?

Sounds like a total lack of appreciation for the value of money to me.

A helpful tip that worked on the kids and their pocket money, I dunno if you want to copy it. Basically you remind them of how hard you've worked for it. I do it with myself too.

Say I earn £40/day after tax and NI is paid. I also pay £5 on bus fares. So after work costs I earn £35 a day.

When I see a muffin in a cake shop, I don't see a muffin - I see "I have to work 3 hours to buy that!" . Or a new pair of jeans at £30 "I have to work all day to buy that". It's amazing how many things you begrudge if you start assigning "effort cost" vs "reward from buying the item".

Maybe you can try this with him?

WhoWhoWhoWho · 24/05/2011 13:55

YANBU! How selfish of him to take £8 from the ten you had remaining. Does he fully understand how tight your budget is?

Yep, a flask will solve the issue. And a forthright bollocking discussion on your money situation.

HalfPastWine · 24/05/2011 13:56

Good post fgaaah

I don't think I could cope with a partner that didn't share equal responsibility for the finances, it would be like having another child.

OP, sit him down and make him realise!

PissesGlitter · 24/05/2011 13:58

is this just for coffee today or for all week?

he is very very very unreasonable if it is just for a day
and just unreasonable if it to do him the week

motherchuffer · 24/05/2011 13:58

asda have nescafe sachets on offer at the mo with milk and sugar already added.10 for £1.00 buy him one of those and get your dosh back.

fgaaah · 24/05/2011 13:59

"would be v embarrassing in front of colleagues to admit to not being able to afford to buy coffee"

Not so embarassing to risk his family's financial security though.

I'm not ashamed to put my finances first, above any sneery comments from colleagues. that's why when the endless round of birthday cards, anniversary gifts, leaving gifts, baby donations come round I just don't do em.

I will when my income gap between "coming into the house" and "going out of the house" isn't around the £35 mark, as it is currently. Fuck that. I don't care about a bit of embrassment and being judged - I care about my family first.

I do get sneery looks from the admin girl that brings them round normally, but as far as i'm concerned, indulging it so that i avoid the sneery look isn't worth getting into financial difficulties for (and it would basically be coming out of my food budget).

So. If OP's DH doesn't want to be "embarassed" by a kettle, frankly, he needs to grow the fuck up.

squeakytoy · 24/05/2011 14:00

what sort of workplace doesnt have a kettle?

I have worked on building sites and in portakabins, and even then we had kettles!

Original poster
Saw444 · 24/05/2011 14:01

He works in a environment where a lot of people have kettles in there areas, he will usually borrow theirs but is working in a separate bit this week.

We have two flasks and four flask style mugs with screw lids.

Our budget is that I draw £400 out every four weeks and that is for all food/cleaning stuff/toiletries and nappies (basically all my tesco shop)

We also get £70 each for "pocket money" which I have not touched as I wanted to get a good start on the savings ( bought a couple of cheap trashy mags out the food budget)

Clothes and presents etc will come out the left over money when needed but has to be agreed by both of us.

We both worked this out and agreed to it!!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 24/05/2011 14:02

So where does he go to buy his coffee then? Surely he could wander over to the other "area" and make a brew?

PissesGlitter · 24/05/2011 14:05

if he helped with the budget and knows what is going on financially then he is being very unreasonable
and needs to be told this

emptyshell · 24/05/2011 14:07

Hmmm tell me more of these Asda sachets - they sound utterly perfect for supply teaching when I don't want to brave the politics of the staffroom tea fund but would kill for a cuppa (and can't be arsed to carry the thermos/jar of Nescafe some resort to).

Original poster
Saw444 · 24/05/2011 14:08

It must be a Starbucks or similar he is going to, he is only in this bit for this week.

OP posts:
fgaaah · 24/05/2011 14:12

£400 a month for your tesco shop might be great or not, dep. on how many in the house?

We spend £200 a month for 2 adults, 3 children (1 teenager)...

Original poster
Saw444 · 24/05/2011 14:16

We have 2 adults 2 children and one baby, I thought I was doing well with £400 Blush

Please give me some tips!!

OP posts:
TotemPole · 24/05/2011 14:30

£8 for a coffee!??Shock

YANBU, about him taking the £8 from the household budget.

But I think he needs a work food drink budget, and that's all he gets. And you should have bought the mags out of your pocket money, it isn't a household expense, it's a treat for you.

You should set a budget for clothes and presents too. You and OH won't need much. But if the DCs are growing they'll need more and new shoes & trainers.

I've seen Starbucks sachets in Tesco, I don't know if it has milk added though. 3 for £1.35 I think.

Original poster
Saw444 · 24/05/2011 14:37

I justified my £1.16 magazine purchases as if I had taken it out my "pocket money" I would have needed to have withdrawn £10 and the rest would have vanished, this way the bank is still £35 up.

I'm not sure how to set a budget for presents etc? Some months we have 3 birthdays and other months none plus I spend more on parents than gran etc so unsure how to do it, anyone have tips?

OP posts:
kw1986 · 24/05/2011 14:51

What friggin coffee costs £8?!? lol

A LARGE latte/cappuccino etc costs around £2.65 from Costa.

£400 does seem a wee bit much for your shopping. Could you try going down a brand level. Maybe buying less treat type stuff. Perhaps shopping online so you're not tempted to buy stuff you dont need.

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