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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if life would be easier with more spaced-out kids?

26 replies

onefish · 23/05/2011 22:00

I mean spaced out in age, not that I want to put them on drugs :)

I have 1 year old twins and a two year old.

OP posts:
Happymm · 23/05/2011 22:01

Nutter:o

southeastastra · 23/05/2011 22:02

if you leave too much of a gap though you spend 20 years doing the school run Grin

RainbowShite · 23/05/2011 22:04

5 year age gap isn't without its difficulties either. There's not much you can do now;-) it will get easier this year.

RainbowShite · 23/05/2011 22:04

Drugs might help though....;-)

CharlieCoCo · 23/05/2011 22:07

lol, i did think u wanted them as zombies when i read the title :o

wow it must be hard having 3 under 3s, but think of it in terms of activities, if you had say 1yr old twins and then a 5/6yr old, they will have much bigger needs and interests, they will be in different areas of the soft play and different classes in activities etc. you would have to take them to places that is baby suitable yet entertaining for older children too, so its actually a bit easier in that sense.
do you have any help to give you a break? nanny/nursery etc?

SmethwickBelle · 23/05/2011 22:08

I thought you meant spaced out as in drugged. I was about to agree as both of mine are incapable of sitting on anything without trying to climb over it.

It seems to be an immensely personal thing. Personally I like the idea of the close age gap and getting all the nappies out of the way in one go. I know other people like doing the 2nd, 3rd+ baby stuff unfettered by toddlers climbing over them and who can blame them!

MrsBananaGrabber · 23/05/2011 22:08

I have a 6 mo DD and a two DS's of 7 and 9. Ds's at different stages obviously, but just as hard in a different way. Having 3 who all have different needs and are doing different activities is a pain. The school run with a new baby was hell.

AtAmber · 23/05/2011 22:09

I've got 3 boys. 25, 11 and 4. Am about to start the school run again in September, 21 years after the first one! Sometimes I wish I'd had smaller gaps!

AgentZigzag · 23/05/2011 22:09

I've got 9 years between my DDs and (apart from condemning myself to the school run again like south says) it's a great age gap.

I couldn't imagine having to deal with all the tantruming ages together, bloody nightmare.

PacificDogwood · 23/05/2011 22:12

1 year age gap is hard, hard work for the first couple years, then it is great Smile! Mind you, I've never done the twin thing

We have a family of 2 halves: 2 DSs 1 year apart, 4 year gap, then 2 DSs 2 years apart. To find activities that suit all (and allow DH and myself to spend time together with them) is near impossible...

Child sedation has often seemed tempting, but seems to be frowned upon WinkGrin. Hypnotherapy with CBeeBies however, is compulsory allowed...

AtAmber · 23/05/2011 22:14

MrsBanana - the school run for ds2 with a newborn was horrible for me too. Dh self employed so he went back to work when ds3 was 6 days old. I'd forgotten about that.

Serenitysutton · 23/05/2011 22:16

I think one you get up to about 8 years they can help a lot too

Original poster
onefish · 24/05/2011 06:39

Serenity, you know the 2 year old does try to take charge and help out with the little ones (fetching nappies and the like), I love her for bits for it.

It is lots and lots of work but I don't mind that so much, I try to think about how easy it will be in a few years when they are all a bit older. For me the part that I think about is that with all three being babies/toddlers at the same time, I feel like I haven't paid enough attention to each of them and enjoyed each of them being small as much as I should, they are growing up so fast. But they also keep each other company (at night after they're in bed I hear them chatting away in 'baby talk' to each other) which I think helps too.

OP posts:
Onceamai · 24/05/2011 06:48

next year the three year old will be at nursery; the year after that he will be at school and the twins will be at nursery. You are doing the really tough stuff and it must be hell but you will get through it pretty quickly. I have 3-1/2 years between mine and although there was never any really full on baby care they have never really been on the same page for outings either, it seemed to drag on forever - seemed to push a buggy for literally years - almost thought at one point I would switch directly to a zimmer frame for support when walking!

pleasekeepcalmandcarryon · 24/05/2011 07:31

Long term I think it is worse. A small age gap is hard for a few years but gets easier once they are at school.

My DC are 18, 10, 7, 4, the last few years have been hell (staying up late to pick teenage DD up from disco's etc.. whilst still being woken through the night with young children. At one point they were all at different schools/childcare which made the school run and getting to work utter hell.

I wish I had thought on and had smaller gaps.

pleasekeepcalmandcarryon · 24/05/2011 07:33

Sorry bed head! Should read long term is better.

wordfactory · 24/05/2011 07:37

Another Mum of twins here - and yes the early years are tough...but things come inot their own later. Everyone will be at the same stage at the same time...you won't have to negotiate every film or outing to take into account an older one finding it boring or the baby playing up.

Everyone will be happy with soft play...then they will grow out of it and you will never have to go again Grin

EveWasFramed72 · 24/05/2011 07:44

It gets better!! Although I don't have twins, which I can pretty much imagine is harder from the start, my DCs are 15 months apart, and it was HELL when the youngest was a baby. Now they are 4(almost 5) and 3.8, and life is soooo good. They adore each other, play together, and keep each other entertained. They potty trained together, and we got all the baby stuff (which wasn't my favourite stage) out of the way pretty much all at the same time. You are still in the rough part...but it will keep getting better from here, I promise...

TheHumanCatapult · 24/05/2011 07:52

i have age gap to ,ds1 17 and ds2 14 , then a break dd ,8 and ds3 who is 5 .

But hats of to you and plenty of Winebecuase 3 of that age must be knackering can rember how ba dit was with 1 toddler and a baby let alone 2 babys and a toddler

mouseanon · 24/05/2011 07:59

Well I didn't have the choice of small age gaps but I quite like the 3y 9m gap that I've got. The only difficult bit was the nursery school run with a newborn, otherwise it's worked really well. Now no.3 is due with a 4y 3m gap I think it will be easier this time. I've got a couple of weeks at the end of term (when I will have help, then the summer holidays to settle in with the baby, before having to do the school run with the baby. Also school run is now a walk, rather than car plus walk that I did last time which meant baby was being shuffled in and out of car and buggy which made it hard. Only for the first few weeks though. It got easier quite quickly.

TBH I think the bigger gaps are easier when they are young, and it does give time to appreciate them individually, but as they get older the small gap should actually make life easier. The only thing is that you'll blink and they'll be gone! Especially because they'll keep you so busy. They'll all be in school before you know it. You might see that as a good thing though Grin.

JemimaMop · 24/05/2011 08:03

As others have said, small age gaps are hard at the beginning but it gets easier when they go to school. I have 3 DC, with 20 months between the 1st and 2nd and 20 months between the 2nd and 3rd. When I had 3 under 4 it was hell. Now they are all at school it is great, and as they are close in age their interestes are pretty similar so they play nicely together.

mrsbunnthebaker · 24/05/2011 08:05

22 months gap here, i preferred it like that, was sometimes hard in the early days tho

Bogeyface · 24/05/2011 08:35

I have big age gaps and one small one!

A 20 year old
13 yr
9 yr
6 yr
5 yr (a surprise :o)
and one due any day.

And over the years, finding something to do as a family that they all enjoy has been a bloody nightmare. Holidays can be particularly difficult, especially as we dont do holiday clubs etc. It is easier in terms of day to to day living I think, having the 2 youngest a year apart almost to the day, was tough going.

There are pros and cons on both sides tbh.

Baffledandbewildered · 24/05/2011 09:17

We have 5 aged 23 20 19 18 and14 !!!!! It's hard work but fun ......he'll when they were little with the middle three I often wondered if triplets would have been easier lol

Imrubberyoureglue · 24/05/2011 09:31

Another with one year old twins and a two year old!

It is hard but I look at my mum friends getting a newborn and older children ready for the school run and be thankful that's not me!
Also my friends with bigger gaps struggle to find things to keep their older and younger dc entertained at the same time. Mine are so close (17 months) that they should, in theory, be easier to entertain when they are older as we can do age appropriate activities without one having to sit out as too young or an older one being bored.

It is hard work but have just spent the last half hour playing dragons with all three, I wouldn't change it for the world Grin

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