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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS made me cry. I am a nobber.

89 replies

bupcakesandcunting · 22/05/2011 23:05

DS who is 4 has this book. For anyone who is unfamiliar with it, it's a book where the reader chooses from a page full of pictures i.e which house they'd choose to live in/who they'd choose for family and friends/which bed they'd sleep in and so forth.

We get to the page where the book asks who they would choose for family and friends and DS points to the picture of a princess with long blonde wavy hair and says "she should be my mummy" I asked him why he chose her for his mummy and he said "because she is beautiful with beautiful hair" I said "Do I have beautiful hair?" and he said "No, it's hugly (he says ugly with an aitch Grin) and your eyes are all funny" :( My eyes started welling up and I had to bite my lip to stop the full-on boo-hoos.

I am a nobber for a) being so shallow, b) for being jealous of a drawing of a princess, c) for being bothered about what a 4 year old thinks of my appearance Grin

OP posts:
MilkandWine · 23/05/2011 00:10

Bupcakes (love the name btw) I sneaked a look at your photos and you are a hottie (and so is your gorge dh)

Nothing to worry about, your ds just clearly prefers blondes Wink

bupcakesandcunting · 23/05/2011 00:12

I think it was the hair thing, tbh. I hate my hair atm. It looks like it's been cut with a fucking lighter.

I will be ashamed of this in the morning Sad

OP posts:
TigerseyeMum · 23/05/2011 00:12

I know this thread is not uber-serious but, I just wanted to point out that your child is showing healthy deveopment by his comments. Honestly.

When tiny, children only know their parents. They are unaware that their parents are separate from them. To some extent they idealise the parent because it is all they know. Nothing exists beyond them.

But, in healthy development, the child learns that there is more to the world than them and the parent. There are other people, other lifestyles, a whole new world out there to discover. They have to come to terms that other people are not like them. They will comfort themselves by idealising the other - usually a hero or princess. By comparison, what they have seems 'ugly' or no good. It is good/bad split.

After a while they come to learn that they are separate from the parent, they have choices and self control. They are not one and the same. They will, therefore, choose the parent over 'the other' and be madly in love with you all over again. The latent period in childhood is the child gradually learning how to separate themselves from the parent in a safe gradual way. They will play at being heroes and princesses and gradually over time their play becomes more realistic as they come to terms with who they actually are.

The same thing repeats itself when they hit their teens Grin Kevin the Teenager shouted 'I hate you' for good reason.

So you see, your child seeing you in that way shows he has reached a developmental milestone Grin

But yeah, it probably hurts but compensate by congratulating yourself on doing a good job of parenting that he is able to separate from you a bit.

And reward yourself with chocolate or wine, or whatever

If that makes sense Hmm

animula · 23/05/2011 00:16

Ooh! I liked that post, Tiger'sEyeMum.

Sadly, we seem to have hit "Kevin" stage in this house. My ds has actually put a screen-saver of "Animula sucks" on my laptop. I had to explain that I found it a bit demoralising.

When does the Kevin stage end?

MotherMucca · 23/05/2011 00:18

My son frequently mentions that I have hair like this , if it helps.

Of course I don't. Except for first thing in the morning

bupcakesandcunting · 23/05/2011 00:25

Thank you Tigers. I can now be smug in the knowledge that my DS is of superior intellect. Ow, stop hitting me everyone, OW.

Bwah ha ha ha ha at Krusty hair Grin

I've been meaning to congratulate you on your excellent musical tastes, MM. So, erm, congrats like.

OP posts:
MotherMucca · 23/05/2011 00:35

, fanks Mrs Cunting.

TigerseyeMum · 23/05/2011 00:37

When does the Kevin stage end?

Haha, erm....

Actually. It ends when the teenager is able to separate fully from the parent and branch out on their own. And let go of the idealised world and embrace the crappyness of general everyday existence.

So, for boys, erm...maybe 40?

Grin
animula · 23/05/2011 00:41
bupcakesandcunting · 23/05/2011 00:43

My twat darling of a brother is 23 and still behaving like an angsty, Kevin-y cuntbag. I don't hold much hope.

OP posts:
WineComesInAtTheMouth · 23/05/2011 01:08

Bupcakes - your DS obviously has overlooked the fact that his mummy is both beautiful and a genius. I refer to your insightful bawbag thread. Spent the next morning's commute listening to The God That Is Gahan.

I had such a dirty blissful look on my face, that the fellow commuter I have a crush on gave me a look that said "I so would". I haven't had that kind of a look in years.

I wonder how many more DCs were conceived after that thread?

Bupcakes Jr, your mummy is a goddess. Lighter sculpted hair or no.

Grin
heleninahandcart · 23/05/2011 01:23

Bupcakes what Tiger said because it sounds good and I am at the Kevin stage in this house so am now taking comfort from it too. And I checked out your photos and yep, you're glam.

Only issue is those orange Y fronts Shock

SockShitter · 23/05/2011 03:50

Yes but every baby knows princesses are always pretty and dressed in lovely flow dresses (unless they have the initials of B or E) and therfore if you don't have flowy pink dress/lovely crown and blonde hair that could be used to hoik a 6'2 prince up a tower you are ugly. From your pictures your hair (whilest lovely) is clearly not long enough to hoik up even the smallest of princes and I also see no flowy pink dresses.

So yabu and a knobber.

cannydoit · 23/05/2011 04:06

its all right my lovely daughter one day when she was about 7 or 8 on the bus one day said to me at least you are not as fat as that lady mummy. and another time in earnest asked me why all my thin friends liked me.if i had not had a thicker skin those kinds of things said with such child like honesty may have had me reaching for the hanky.

Morloth · 23/05/2011 05:30

Wait until he gets to the age where he can work out the right thing to say.

I appear to be raising a right Casanova, he knows just the right thing to say at just the right moment to have things go his way.

I am not sure which is worse...

TheFrogs · 23/05/2011 05:50

When ds was about five on that halloween he came out with this gem "you don't need a mask mummy, you already have a witches nose". I couldn't help but laugh, I do indeed have a bit of a pointy conk going on, and I do look a bit witchy I guess. I'm sharp featured, with long hair that does its own thing...ah well!

Dd does tell me im beautiful but I suspect she is taking the piss Grin

differentnameforthis · 23/05/2011 06:16

Nah, I think you cried because he loves in spite of all those things...

bupcakesandcunting · 23/05/2011 09:08

"I refer to your insightful bawbag thread. Spent the next morning's commute listening to The God That Is Gahan."

I did that, too! Didn't get any commuters gazing at me lustfully, though.Envy

"
its all right my lovely daughter one day when she was about 7 or 8 on the bus one day said to me at least you are not as fat as that lady mummy. and another time in earnest asked me why all my thin friends liked me.if i had not had a thicker skin those kinds of things said with such child like honesty may have had me reaching for the hanky."

Grin

I think that DS likes my excess baggage. He does snuggle up to me and say "mummy you are all soft and snuggly like Dennis." Dennis is his huge, stuffed dog that he takes to bed...

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 23/05/2011 16:59

Don't worry Bup, they all know how to hurt the ones they love.

When my DD2 was about 7, I went to pick her up from school in a dress. This was a very rare occurance indeed.

She saw me and it was like something out of a film. Her little eyes lite up, she had a huge smile on her face, she came running up to me and gave me a big, big hug.

She then whispered "Oh you look so lovely, you look like a real Mummy."Shock

Grin
heliumballoons · 23/05/2011 17:56

My DS (6) asked me last week why leggings are always so wide. Hmm I was wearing cropped leggings and dress and hoisted up my top to sort knickers and leggings out.

I said leggings aren't wide they are only as big as the person wearing them.

DS replied 'well at least your wearing a long top so no-one will notice' Shock Grin

BTW I'm a size 12 and not that big but have the CS tummy thing.

UrsulaBuffay · 23/05/2011 18:01

DD keeps 'beeping' my tummy (wobbly) and 'booboos'. She also does the booboo dance where she puts a finger over each of her little nipples and goes 'boo boo' 'boo boo'.

So there you have it, kids are weird & talk shit.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 23/05/2011 19:24

My friend was wearing quite a boob hugging top the other day and her DS (7) commented, loudly, very much in public "Mummy, your boobies look great in that top, just like Cinderella's when she goes to the ball." Blush

I'd take your DS' comment about as seriously as I take my DS' ("Mummy, you are the most beautiful mummy in the world, can I have a biscuit now.")

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 23/05/2011 19:33

oh just wait....
DS now refuses to be seen anywhere in public with me...Asked me not to drop him off at school as my dress was 'too yellow' Hmm
when we were tobogganing, he said ( by way of cheering me up as he saw someone I could chat with ) ' - oh, mum - hey look, there is another old mum doing it too...'
He is a lovely boy and would be mortified if i was upset.... just does not see me as a sentient being...
Please don't be downhearted...
If you were a perferct princess, as an adult he would always be measuring girls against you, and they wouldn't match up to his mum, and THEN he would be screwed up...

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 23/05/2011 19:40

my scrummy little ds2 says the most hideous and the most wonderful things to me, with nothing in between

once he said "there is no room for me to cuddle you on the sofa any more mummy, your belly has got too big. You need to go on a diet. For now I will sit up here, behind your legs"

I wanted to sob Sad

but then he brought me a card he had made with a flower on it that said "I luf yoo mumy"

which made it all better

SingingSands · 23/05/2011 22:26

My DS (3) takes great delight in telling me he doesn't love me. He replies to "do you love your mummy?" by snorting "nooooo!" in a "dont ask daft questions" tone of voice. He occasionally concedes this point when biscuits are in the offing, or when caught red-handed being naughty e.g. Me: "DS! Have you drawn all over this wall?!" DS: "but I said I love you!".

I'll take it when I can get it!