To be tired of the pettiness of mil?

[Imrubberyoureglue]

We have never had a great relationship but now the petty behaviour is wearing thin.
Mil adored my dh's ex and hoped they would get back together but when we got together it burst that bubble. Have to point out that dh had been single for a year when we met so in no way was it my fault for the split
I smiled my way through all the refences to the ex, little digs that I wasn't looking after dh properly (I tought him to iron his own shirts etc).
I tried to get on with her for dh's sake but our visits got shorter and less frequent as the obvious tension was too much.

When I was expecting dc1 she suddenly wanted to be my best friend despite going against our wishes at every turn- eg telling extended family,fiends,neighbours etc that I was pregnant despite promising not to till after 12 wk scan, so I was wary of getting too friendly but tried for dh and dc.
4 dc later and the digs and comments are worse than ever. It's like getting a paper cut every time we go there, not much to moan about on it's own but after the 500th and it starts to sting a bit!

We get a constant stream of calls reminding us of all the birthdays in the family even though we know when they are - she knows our calendar is covered with everyones dates and that I have a box of cards for the months ahead (I hate card shopping but know the sending of cards is very political in dh's family so bulk buy in one go rather than getting 1 at a time!).
Mil is very controlling of the family and think most just do as they are told when they get the phone call reminding them about birthdays or she gets the cards and gets dh's siblings to sign them.

So my birthday was Friday and I got a card form mil and fil but none of the siblings. Well I think it was for me, only writing inside was mil and fil' name, no happy birthday or even my name!

I know it's not mil's job to remind everyone it's my birthday but given she reminds everyone when it's the dogs birthday ffs it's a snub right?!

I'm tired of the little snubs and pettiness. I'm tired of ignoring it and I'm tired of trying to rise above it for dh and dc.

Sorry, not sure what the aibu really is, just a rant I guess!

I bulk buy the cards for both families in the cheap card shop as we are on a budget but dh would grab one in a supermarket and not look at the price, so for £4 that dh would spend, I can get 8 cards- that's why I buy them but dh does write and send to his family. Just felt that needed clarifying!

I'm not bothered that I didn't get cards from everyone else but it's pissed me off that she acts like she's still in the playground!

I try and ignore the comments as the few times I've risen to the bait, my name has been mud, well more than usual! So I know it'll give her ammunition if I let on I know what she's doing.
Im just fed up of the smile I plaster on and the inane chitchat I say back.

I would just send dh and dc but tbh dh doesn't really enjoy going and does it out of duty and she really would see it as a victory. Would love nothing more than to have dh and dc to herself

I haven't managed to read all the replies, so I Amy be repeating someone but ....

Someone on another thread suggested the following phrase. I am going to use it a lot with my Mum

Gosh, did you mean that to sound as rude as it did?

Personally, I think that is a great come back to a thousand slights. Pulls her up on it, highlights it to anyone else in the room, and leads to a big humiliating (for her) pregnant pause which she has to fill Genius

When she gets in her wee digs, try saying nothing just look at her for a few seconds (long enough to start being an uncomfortable silence) and then say "I'm sorry, what was that?"

Or you could play MIL Bitch Bingo and carry a notebook and pen. When she says something bitchy, quietly (yet obviously) make a tick in the notebook but don't otherwise acknowledge what she said.

MIL bitch bingo - love that.