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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to make my daughter wait until her birthday to open her presents ...

26 replies

MMQC · 22/05/2011 19:38

I have two children, their birthdays are three weeks apart so they have a joint party. Which also means my daughter (who is now approaching five) gets a whole bunch of presents about ten days before her birthday. My son (now 7) gets the presents about ten days after his.

Am I being unreasonable in making her wait until her birthday before she can open her presents? Yes, she's only five, yes, she's excited, but it's the principle, right?

[awaits flaming]

OP posts:

groak · 22/05/2011 19:41

absoultely agree!

[waits flaming with MMQC]

dh wanted to ger dd a special ift when it was dc2's b'day so she wouldn't feel left out! Told him no chance!

Mollymax · 22/05/2011 19:41

Personally i would let her open the presents before her birthday, then she will have the time and inclination to open family ones on her birthday.
My three children all get a bit overwhelmed at the amount of presents they get to open on their birthdays.

HappyAsASandboy · 22/05/2011 19:42

I would let both children open presents received at the party at the party, but give them family presents on the right days.

MumblingRagDoll · 22/05/2011 19:43

My DD also has hers early....I let her open them. They have family gifts on the actual day.

ellodarlin · 22/05/2011 19:44

I think if her party is 10 days early then she should be able to open her presents early too. Its not her fault that her receiving present time is out of kilter with what should be her opening present time.

mumnotmachine · 22/05/2011 19:45

Your one child has to wait 10 days after for his pressies, so YABU to make your DD wait till her birthday.
It has to work the same way for both of them.
The party pressies I would let them open after the party and give family ones on the proper days

Casey76 · 22/05/2011 19:46

Whats the point in letting her open them before her birthday??? you may aswell just buy her random things at any time of the year.....it's like mums who buy their other kids presents on their sibling birthdays...I think thats stupid aswell...

hulababy · 22/05/2011 19:47

DD always opens her party presents on the day of her party, hether it is before or after her birthday. She will also open gifts from relatives on the day they see her. We save our presents and any presents sent direct on er actually birthday.

It's only at Christmas when we save gifts for the "big" day.

hulababy · 22/05/2011 19:49

Have to disagrre peersonally Casey. I think most children of this age and older are able to understand way they are opening birthday presents a little early, if it is on the day of their party.

As for buying gifts at other times of the year - is this really so bad? I buy Dd small things every so often, but they aren't wrapped up or treatedas a birthday gift. So totally different scenario to birthday presents given on party day.

jubilee10 · 22/05/2011 19:50

I would let her open them after the party. It is a long time to wait to thank people as well. Or let her have her own party on her own birthday.

Seona1973 · 22/05/2011 19:51

I would let her open gifts that party goers have brought and save family gifts for the day of her birthday

Oakmaiden · 22/05/2011 19:53

Yes, I think party presents are ok opened on the party day. It is just too painful to have to wait when you are 5!!! It is better to get thankyou notes out of the way too, if you don't open them for another ten days it makes a bit of a gap between the giver giving the gift and being properly thanked for it. Also my children are always very keen to know if a friend has liked their gift so are likely to be asking about it in school before the recipient has even had the chance to open it.

hanreeoak · 22/05/2011 19:53

When I was in the same situation as my daughter had a shared party with a school friend, I made her wait to open up hers until her birthday a week later. I explained to friends that gave her gifts at the party that she would be waiting till her birthday until she would open them, and they were all fine. When we got home from the party she chose one to open up then the rest were put away. She was six at the time.
I think teaching children patience is a good thing, I also made my children keep the Easter eggs that the school gave them until Easter Sunday.

Your situation is different tho as it does seem a little unfair that she will have to sit and watch her brother open up pressies and not have any herself, maybe as a compromise they could both have some after the party and then both save some for her birthday??

DilysPrice · 22/05/2011 19:54

I'd do party presents at the party, and family presents on her bday. But I wouldn't say YABU, it's just a different choice.

SuperSaint · 22/05/2011 20:30

DS is 5 later this week. He had his party today. This afternoon he opened all the presents he got from the party guests and is really pleased with the gifts he had. He knows it is not his actual birthday and he will get family presents in a few days. Because he had quite a big party he had 20ish presents to open and I think it would be too much for him to open them all on his actual birthday. In my opinion he will appreciate them more having some now and some in a few days rather than being completely overwhelmed with so many presents on his birthday.

squeakytoy · 22/05/2011 20:34

I think party presents should be opened at the party. Family presents opened on the respective birthdays.

Original poster

MMQC · 23/05/2011 06:56

Thanks all, fired this one off last night and then forgot about it!

Well, we still have a big pile of presents in the living room. Neither child has opened any presents. In my defence, the party was late afternoon and the children played on the bouncy castle until it was taken away and then went straight to bed, shattered!

My husband is now trying to persuade our son to wait until our daughter's birthday to open his presents ... I'm not sure he's having much success!

OP posts:

HeadfirstForHalos · 23/05/2011 07:05

Just let them open them! It's not your dds fault you've done her a party 10 days early! If she's had to compromise and share a party, you should compromise and let her have her party spoils. Plus how can you do the thank you notes until they've been opened?

The party was to celebrate her birthday? The party presents are part of that.

I'm against presents on siblings birthdays too btw. She will still have her main presents on her actual birthday.

Bogeyface · 23/05/2011 08:16

So your DH wants your son to wait a full 3 weeks after his birthday to open his presents, that are there in front of him? How cruel is that?!

They should open their party presents on the party day or have 2 seperate parties. Anything else is just mean.

hocuspontas · 23/05/2011 08:21

I love all the 'birthday rules' on MN!

One party. One child opens presents the other has to wait 10 days! Imagine yourself as a child looking at a pile of presents and not being able to open them. How cruel. Open party presents after the party - both children. Open other presents on birthdays. Alternatively have two parties.

hocuspontas · 23/05/2011 08:25

Can I add that my three dds' birthdays are all within 10 days of each other and never had a joint party. Let them be special for a day, especially as they will have their own friends more as they get older.

InTheNightKitchen · 23/05/2011 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MMQC · 23/05/2011 09:01

They love joint parties! And they're at a really small school anyway, so it would be the same people again three weeks later! I can't see how that would make my daughter feel more special! This way they get a bigger party and a bigger budget! Anyway, I digress.

I'm thinking it'll build up the excitement to her birthday nicely, having all those presents there waiting for her. A bit like all the presents under the tree at Christmas. Christmas parties are quite often ten days or more before the big day, but nobody suggests ripping open all the presents under the tree just after the party.

I'd also like to disassociate the party from the presents a bit. The party is not about the presents, it's about having fun with their friends. The presents can be fun on another day!

OP posts:

jojane · 23/05/2011 12:23

If it was just your DDs party I would say make her wait to open them if you want BUT is would be very very mean to let her brother open his on a day not his birthday and not let her open any. Yes people wait at xmas to open presents but not when their sibling is ripping open all of thiers!

aldiwhore · 23/05/2011 12:26

Our standard procedure here (boys birthdays are 4 days apart) is that gifts from the party can be opened on the day of the party. Presents from family (whether at the party or not) are opened on the actual birthdays.

I rather enjoy the end of the party when we're all back home, glass of wine in hand and destressing, watching the kids open their gifts from their friends.

I guess I don't want them to grow up linking their birthday with masses of gifts, because they won't always get masses as they won't always have a party!

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