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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Travelling with 9 week old baby

25 replies

fiorentina · 22/05/2011 15:41

I would appreciate some advice on whether I am being unreasonable please.

We have been invited to the wedding of my DH's family friend that is taking place close to where my DH grew up. Wedding is in two weeks time when my baby will be 9 weeks. We declined the invitation to the reception prior to baby being born, as we didn't want the couple to pay for a meal for us etc when we weren't sure we can make it, and agreed we wouldn't go but would aim to go up and stay with MIL and go to the church if we all felt like it after the birth.

Now baby has been born, DH and MIL are keen for us to go to the church service only. It is a 3-4 hour journey to get there, and as my MIL has decided to have lots of work done to her house at this time, we can't stay. She expects we'll drive up for the day so around 8 hours of travelling, plus breaks for feeding/changing etc or stay in a hotel nearby. As I am almost solely EBM at the moment, with one FF a day, it isn't exactly practical. I don't wish to be using the breast pump on the motorway or at the service station to be honest. More importantly though, I don't want my son stuck in his car seat for so long in one day, against all guidance.

Am i being unreasonable to say we shouldn't go? I feel it's not fair on my son to be in the carseat for so long in one day. I'm being made to feel I'm being awkward, when I feel MIL is being more awkward with her demands for us going 'as a family' for her to show off her new grandson when she's not able to accommodate us due to her choice to decorate now...

OP posts:

seeker · 22/05/2011 15:42

Can you go by train?

Original poster

fiorentina · 22/05/2011 15:46

Thanks for replying. As there isn't a direct train route the timing is about the same, if not slightly longer as we have to go via London.

OP posts:

ninedragons · 22/05/2011 15:48

Why can't DH go on his own?

Original poster

fiorentina · 22/05/2011 15:50

I think because his mum would like to 'show off' her new grandchild. I do understand this, she's very proud, but I feel it's unkind on him. I'm more than happy for him to go with his mum and me and DS to stay at home, that seems ideal as a compromise, but hard trying to please everyone.

OP posts:

MmeBlueberry · 22/05/2011 16:01

I don't understand the bf issue. You can so easily travel and bf.

If your journey is 8 hours, perhaps you can fly?

I flew to visit my family ( saving an 8 hour drive) when my pfb was 10 weeks old. I went with a sling and small trolley suitcase. It was no hassle, and I did not kick up a fuss and expect special treatment.

TattyDevine · 22/05/2011 16:04

It sounds like you'd be going more for the benefit of other people than yourselves, and on that basis I think you should say thanks but no thanks. It would be different if you really wanted to go - then you could overcome the obstacles. But for someone else's benefit, I think you should feel free to give it a miss without feeling bad.

Original poster

fiorentina · 22/05/2011 16:04

I don't breastfeed, I express and bottle feed him as we never established latching on, sorry, I thought EBM meant expressing?

I'm really not expecting special treatment for me, just not sure if he should be in a car seat for so long. Perhaps we look at flying. Good idea.

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 22/05/2011 16:06

MmeBlueberry - sounds like the OP is expressing and bottlefeeding rather than bfing directly, which does create rather more logistical difficulties.

I wouldn't go, sounds like a PITA and not very enjoyable.

zukiecat · 22/05/2011 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doha · 22/05/2011 16:19

Seems an awful long way to go for just a church service. It might be different if you were going to the whole event and had somewhere to stay before or after at your MIL house.
I guess travelling hotel etc will cause quite a lot of money which may be needed for your DS.
Your MIL certainly wants to show your DS off and who can blame her but l think l would be saying sorry can't make it at this time. If you DH wants to go let him. Your family will be represented and there is plenty of time to show of your DS. He is going to be around for a while

Stangirl · 22/05/2011 16:19

Don't do it if you don't want to but I've always adopted a "bugger it, i'll give it a go" approach to travelling with babies. I intend to go to a christening - a 2 hour drive (4 hr round trip) 4 days after my ELCS in July.

Original poster

fiorentina · 22/05/2011 16:21

Thank you. I am probably worrying about nothing then with regards to the seat as a one off.

If we go, I'll just have to find somewhere to express en route. Thank you

OP posts:

lesley33 · 22/05/2011 16:28

I think if you want to go it will be fine. But if you don't want to go I think it is fine to say so with a 9 week old baby. My best friend and her DH drove for 18 hours round trip 1 weekend when 1st baby was 2 weeks old so that dying GP could see the new baby. They said that although they had to have lots of small stops, it was fine.

LittlePickleHead · 22/05/2011 16:35

fiorentina I don't think YABU with such a long journey, having to also express, with a tiny baby. Everyone is different, but I had BF difficulties to start with and was having to express for every feed. I tried to keep doing everything I would have done and found it so hard. It really stressed me out and I didn't enjoy it.

I wouldn't do it again. If you feel uneasy, please don't do it just to please others. As a pp said - there will be plenty of other occasions for your MIL to show off her grandson.

everyspring · 22/05/2011 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IslandIsla · 22/05/2011 17:35

I think a lot of PP are missing the point. This is a 3-4 hr journey for the church service only! YANBU. I would not do it. Your baby will probably travel well, as he is so little. But it is a long journey for just the service. I don't think I'd do it without a baby (and certainly not with an older baby/toddler/child).

FollowMe · 22/05/2011 17:51

I wouldnt travel 8 hours in one day for just a church service and nothing else apart from going back home again, especialy not with a tiny baby and expressing too!

Bit different if you are going to make a couple of days of it, seeing as its the same area DH's family is from. Could you/would you both want to stay in a B&B nearby and travel up the morning of the church service and then use a day and half to catch up with family and friends and have a nice break together before heading back home?

PorkChopSter · 22/05/2011 17:58

I wouldn't travel so far for just the church service. Especially with expressing (although you can do that in the car, if you're not driving ).

There will be plenty of other occasions, ones where you can sit with your feet up and have a cuppa when you get there rather than be stuck in fancy clothes in a church for half an hour and then have to go straight back home.

Original poster

fiorentina · 22/05/2011 18:59

Thank you, good to hear independent opinions. We'll discuss again!!

OP posts:

PicaK · 22/05/2011 19:45

Please don't do this. If you are worrying about it then YOU are not ready for it - regardless of how many other people manage it with ease.

It's so easy to mess your boobs up - I ignored all my inner worries and did this kind of journey and with delayed feeding ended up with mastitis (the kind where you end up in hospital for 5 days and all the skin perks off - not the kind you fix with a cabbage leaf).

I don't want to be alarmist, just trust your instincts. It's really hard staying in a hotal with a baby.

PicaK · 22/05/2011 19:46

Peels not perks and hotel not hotal

....wish breast feeding had perked them up....

metalelephant · 22/05/2011 19:51

I exclusively breastfed via pumping too, and there was always the issue of cleaning and sterilising the pump between feeds. Even if you are fine to use it and feed the baby (which in my case took ages) will you ve happy washing all the equipment in toilets? And then what about sterilising?
Is it an event you're looking forward to enough to out up with all the hustle? Because this will be a looooing journey with pumping feeding and washing involved.

metalelephant · 22/05/2011 19:52

"Out up" is my phone's idea of "put up"

JoniRules · 22/05/2011 20:00

It sounds as though you really don't want to go. If you feel that way maybe it's best not to as you will end up feeling resentful about it. Different story if you really did want to go

jeckadeck · 22/05/2011 20:07

I recently took my (then) 12 week old daughter to a wedding involving a plane journey to the other end of the country, lots of faffing about at either end (taxis and trains) and a stay in a b&b. I was cacking myself about it for lots of reasons and it was actually really easy and much less stressful than I was expecting, baby slept, wasn't bothered by ears on take-off or landing, fed well etc. If you want to go, you shouldn't let these things put you off, you'll probably be pleasantly surprised by how easy it is.
Having said that, it sounds like you really don't want to go in the first place and if that's the case then don't be pressured into it by in-laws as you'll be resentful and stressed and not in the best frame of mind to deal with the baby.

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