to want to change my name in middle age ?

[dodo12]

I wont go into the gory details,twould take a couple of hours..I have from birth had health problems,which led to bullying at school,not fitting in etc etc (as well as being of a orange haired disposition),changed the hair (regret but this was the 80's).My main prob has been a passive aggressive alchoholic,valium taking mother,left home at 18-have been blamed ever since (i'm 48 !) and recently both mum and dad moved to be near their darling daughter,of course they hate the place and thats my fault to.Anyway,mother has health and mental health probs she has a social worker and cpn and care workers,who i've been working with to hold things together,finally mum announced she wished i'd died at birth and that i'd ruined her life etc etc....now i know that she's ill and old and bitter,but,i have a heart problem and without being melodramatic,i've decided to call it quits with mum,in order to save my life and concentrate on my husband and kids-who have been a bit on the back burner of late.This brings me back to my question I feel i want to move on and my name has become a bloody big issue with me,friends say it's how im feeling at the mo but i feel dogged by it ,now i feel stupid at my age to even be thinking of such a trivial thing but identity wise i want to get away from any link to my past-one friend said i was 'up myself' what does anyone else think

Why not? My friend at college did. She just changed the spelling and accent admittedly - but you only live once. Her family were abusive and this was her shedding her old skin.

Your first name? Or surname? Or both?

I think it's important that you recognise that changing your name won't help how you feel on the inside.

Would counselling be an option?

Yes scaredydog,you have a good point,i've always avoided counselling,i suppose because I 'know what my problems are' kind of view-but after years of shit of one kind or another maybe i should go along with it

I have considered changing slightly the spelling of my name or giving myself a middle name, I don't know why I just feel like I have never been my name or liked it. I think you have a good reason & it would be part of 'the new you'. Why not? Good luck.

How would your husband feel about calling you by a different name?

so mum blames you for all her ills

and you blame her for all yours

hmmmmm

Counselling! My lord, you're certainly a candidate and, yes, it's painful but my goodness it's worth it. Change your name by all means by imo you won't be shedding the past if you do. I have also thought of changing my name but somehow I never can do it - I have recently met some new people and that was the moment I could've introduced myself with a different name... but hey, this is the name, odd though it is (and a weight round my neck, feels like sometimes). HOw you feel about your name is how you feel about yourself I tend to think [generalisation alert]

My friend just changed his middle name to:

Mad Dog Indiana

As Godfather to my ds I had to ring my solicitors and change this on the Trustee board and will. Bit embarrassing.

I think you should tackle the issues that make you want to escape. Changing your name really won't change who you are.