Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to think it odd that a relative stranger left her 3 year old DS here for 2 hours?

46 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 22/05/2011 12:17

I asked DS's friend from nursery over for a playdate this week, I have only ever said hello to him at nursery (if I see him) and met him and his mum once at another childs party a while back. I thought it would be nice to invite him over to our house to play with DS, and also to get to know the mum, so I got the mums number and she brought him over. But then she immediately left so she could go home to do housework etc and even though she and the boy barely knew me, he ended up here for 2 hours! Luckily he and DS get on well and he was fine away from his mum so there were no problems there. I just thought that it was pretty trusting of the mum to just leave him and also it felt a little like I was babysitting IYKWIM? I also thought it would be nice to get to know a local mum a bit more but she had left...

It was our first 'playdate' with a boy from nursery so maybe that's what they are like? Is it usual for 3 year olds to be left on their own? or AIBU?

OP posts:

heliumballoons · 22/05/2011 13:12

I don't think its wierd to leave a child of 3.

I don't think she saw it as babysitting but as a playdate for her DS.

I just think you both had different ideas about what a 'playdate' is.

If your DS and hers get on really well could you suggest a meetup at the local park for picnic? That way you can network and if it doesn't go so well both free to make excuses and leave.

I'm not that sure of leaving DS who's 6yo with people I don't know - but it may be because he has allergies. I'm not sure people are that keen for me to say 'here's his epi-pens, bye' either.

Popbiscuit · 22/05/2011 13:25

I don't think you're being pfb-ishI can remember fretting over whether to stay/go when my DD (pfb) was invited to play and whether other parents expected to stay when I invited their DC's to our house. 3 is sort of the transition age where some children can be left unaccompanied and some can't. Next time, I would just make it clear in your invitation: "would you like to come for a coffee and the children can play?". I'm far more relaxed now that I have three (and I find other parents of multiple kids are too). Although I love coffee and a chat, now it's usually just drop them off and runkid free time is so precious (always reciprocate, though).

exoticfruits · 22/05/2011 13:30

You just worded it incorrectly, you should have asked her over with her DC. If you word it that you think it is for the DCs benefit, that is what she did. Her DC was happy, she obviously knew she had a confident DC. She didn't know you well, but really what is a nursery mother (who is quite obviously responsible) going to do with her DC in 2 hours other than let them play?

Bunbaker · 22/05/2011 13:38

" When parents stayed for reception age children I was most put out, I must say."

Why? At that age my daughter didn't feel confident enough for me to leave her at a new friend's house and neither did most of the mums at school when their children came to my house. None of us knew each other before starting school. I was happy to leave DD when she was a little older, but by then I had made friends with the mum and she would offer me a cuppa and ask me to stay anyway. I don't have any other children and I don't come from this area so it was a great way for me to make new friends as well.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 22/05/2011 13:49

Dd1 still won't go to anyone's house alone, unless we know them well. Shes been invited to loads of school friends houses but won't stay without me! She's 8!

exoticfruits · 22/05/2011 13:54

I would be a bit worried about that lisa-how is she going to go away for a week in year 6?
It depends on the child. The one in OP obviously had no problem staying on their own.
I would expect a 5 yr old to stay on their own ,but not be bothered if the mum wanted a coffee. I wouldn't expect to get the mother with the 8yr old (unless SN)

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 22/05/2011 14:45

should have been clear she has autism, so its not unusual, she needs to know every little detail before being able to go somewhere new :( I have no clue what we will do about the year 5/6 trips :( I would really like her to go, its a great experience, but i guess we will deal with it when it comes to it. I really wish she would go alone it would be so nice.
DD2 also has autism and I can leave her with anyone, amazing how they are so very different.

exoticfruits · 22/05/2011 14:50

Fair enough lisa-you didn't explain. That is entirely different.

MumblingRagDoll · 22/05/2011 15:18

It seemed to be the thing to do at my DDs nursery but I was never comfortable with it.

MumblingRagDoll · 22/05/2011 15:19

Lisad m year old DD is the same...she does not have Autism but she also feels uncomfortable about going to firneds homes unless I also go ...at least the 1st times.

TheOriginalFAB · 22/05/2011 15:22

I have invited a child to tea for my son to play with and mum came too with her other child and stayed. I daren't invite him again as they will all come though since I said I had depression she hasn't spoken to me so it probably isn't an issue.

FrameyMcFrame · 22/05/2011 15:26

I bet he's not her first child.

Bunbaker · 22/05/2011 15:30

"I would be a bit worried about that lisa-how is she going to go away for a week in year 6? "

My 10 year old daughter is a home bird and just won't go on any of the away school trips. Fortunately they aren't compulsory so I haven't had to make her. She has stayed at friends for sleepovers without any problem though.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 22/05/2011 15:32

i have to say, DD1 was invited to a friends for tea in year 1. I explained to mum that DD1 had asd and would it be ok if i came too, or maybe we could meet somewhere fpr the kids to play. She looked at me weirdly and didnt say much but never asked again :(
Im happy to have anyone here though

Portofino · 22/05/2011 15:38

Whenever I have organised parties and play dates the parents have never stayed. I wouldn't expect them too and would be a bit put out if they did. Agree that offering a coffee or glass of wine when they come to collect is fine.

I've posted recently though about finding a strange 3 year old with the gaggle of girls who came in to play. Her dad popped round to ask if she was here - err yes! - and then told me he had an urgent appointment, jumped in his car and drove off! I was and have never met him before, or since....

Portofino · 22/05/2011 15:40

lisa - that is very

mrsbiscuits · 22/05/2011 15:40

I think it depends on the child. DS1 was 5 before he would stay anywhere on his own ....even birthday parties of close friends. DS2 on the otherhand is 2.4 and would ( if I let him ) stay with anyone. I think 3 is a bit young personally, if you don't know the people they are being left with, but everyone is different.

motherinferior · 22/05/2011 17:02

I was put out because usually I had stuff (like work) to do. My kids' playdates tend to involve them going off and doing things together, and I emerge and produce pasta at 6ish.

Halogen · 22/05/2011 17:12

DD is four (not far off five) and while she is happy to stay alone at a friend's house when she's been before and knows stuff about what's going to happen (where is the loo? what's the mum's name? where do I sit to eat my tea? and other such vital four year old issues) she'd be horrified if I left her with someone she didn't know at all. I guess the mum knew her child would be fine but even so, I think three is a touch young unless it's with someone they know well. And I would not be happy to leave a child that young with someone I didn't know at least a bit.

deliakate · 22/05/2011 17:15

I don't really use the terminology "play date". I just invite someone over for coffee if I like them and think our DCs will get on. I think it would be very odd if they left in that situation - but if you said "does your DS want to come and play?" I guess that could be misinterpreted more easily.

rookiemater · 22/05/2011 17:19

DS had his friend over from that age and the arrangement was that the parent didn't stay but then it was someone he was quite close with and new the parents already and vice versa.

I don't think you are right to be horrified, tbh when DS has a friend over its great because they just get on and play and I have to do very little, whereas if the mum comes too then I need to sit with them and have coffee, which sometimes is great, but sometimes I need to do stuff in the house.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread