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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to go and scream into a pillow

22 replies

mrswhiskerson · 22/05/2011 00:21

before i rip my brothers head off.

i love my bro more than anything and we are very very close, he is staying with me at the minute but he has a nervous tick and it is starting to drive me up the wall, before i get flamed i know it is not his fault but i need to vent as i cant say anything to him as he is concious of it enough,
he clacks and grinds his almost constantly and sniffs and clears his throat all the time, especially when he is eating all i can hear is sniff sniff clash clack chomp chomp,
it is driving me fucking mental !

im not sure how to deal with this as i have an almost patological aversion to hearing any noises from eating and other things like sniffing and throat clearing at the best of times
so if anyone has a way for me to get past this (because i know i am being a bit unreasonable) it would be great otherewise i may bleed from the ears with suppressed rage or throw something straight at him.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 22/05/2011 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 22/05/2011 00:26

why not try clearing your throat occasionally but way more than you need to

to desensitise you to it iykwim

I dunno, its tough

you cant ask him to stop but I totally understand the irrational voilence that boils up from noises you dont like

dh[rip] used to snore like a tractor
before we had seperate rooms because of co sleeping dd2 and then three there were times when I was stopping myself smothering him/stamping on his head/bludgeoning him with a blunt object.......

AgentZigzag · 22/05/2011 00:27

If you say anything to him though it'll make him even more anxious.

So that says you're going to have to find a way to think about it so you don't strangle him over dinner.

Take from this what you will, but DH and DD2 make exactly the same snoring kind of noise when they're asleep, I find it endearing and reassuring in DD2 but could happily punch DHs lights out if he does it.

Are you able to think of your brother in a vulnerable/'excuse him anything' way?

dwpanxt · 22/05/2011 00:32

Put the radio on while you eat.

pebbles1972 · 22/05/2011 00:32

oh I really sympathise, bodily quirks like heavy breathing, clacky eating etc REALLY bug me, however irrational I know it is I could happily dismember those doing said perceived crime, aaarrrghh!

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 22/05/2011 00:35

agentzigzag, I totally know what you mean

AgentZigzag · 22/05/2011 00:36

Is it a nervous/anxiety tic OP, or is he just a noisy eater?

Original poster
mrswhiskerson · 22/05/2011 01:38

it is a nervous tic and he is a noisy eater, i try to sympathise because i know the root of it but sometimes i just boil up on the inside .
I am normally the most laid back person ever but noisy eating and repetitive noises really make me see red.
He knows he does it but when i have mentioned it (and the damge the clashing could do to his teeth) he just shrugs and says i cant help it.
I am ashamed to say now and again i explode and say will you please stop clashing your teeth/sniffing /grunting!!! but then he loooks hurt and i feel like the worlds biggest bitch.

OP posts:
tomhardyismydh · 22/05/2011 01:42

my guessing is he knows this is getting to you and so he is nervous and compounding his tick.

just do the pillow screaming Grin

AgentZigzag · 22/05/2011 01:59

Definately agree with tom, is there any way you can control your explosion with a twinkle in your eye?

He'll then know you're venting and perhaps won't feel so anxious knowing he can't help annoying the fuck out of you (which isn't your fault at all).

I've got OCD/anxiety shit going on, and have had similar (but not noisy eating) tics and they're definately less often if I know the person I'm with looks on me acting in a bizarre way with kind eyes IYSWIM?

mathanxiety · 22/05/2011 02:09

It couldn't be the case that there's nothing that can be done about it.

ScaredyDog · 22/05/2011 02:12

It's really sad for your brother - could he not seek some treatment? Drugs and/or (I think) CBT can help.

I sympathise, a friend has a snorting tic and it isn't nice to see/hear and it's not nice for him.

flyingspaghettimonster · 22/05/2011 02:42

Sympathies from me - I am also totally unreasonable about eating noises... to the point that if my family members are eating and I am not, I can't bear to hear it and either put loud music on or leave the room... the other morning I tried to sit through hubby slurping down cereal on the sofa beside me and then snapped 'God, can't you eat somewhere else?!' Blush - well, I am not a morning person...

Don't have a solution I am afraid, except to eat alone or buy ear plugs...

Original poster
mrswhiskerson · 23/05/2011 00:55

I do feel terrible as he does know it bugs me , the tics he can't help but the noisy eating can be helped.
We are all having toast at the minute and I could happily rip his and dhs head off.
I have actually suggested having seperate meals but dh thinks I'm being ridiculous l think it would stop me having murderous thoughts three times a day .

OP posts:
FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 23/05/2011 01:34

Does he have anxiety problems? I do and I have developed (and lost) some awful irritating habits (tics) over the years that have probably driven people close to gagging me and sticking me in the canal with bricks in my pockets. If you are doing something like that as a habit/tic it can make you seriously panicky if you can't "do" the thing. Whatever it is. I would outright ask him. Is this a habit/tic, do you know you are doing it, can you switch the focus of the habit/tic to something else? He could more than likely get some help from the GP. I know it is very annoying. I annoyed myself with one of my many nervous panicky habits, my constant throat clearing (i had huge anxiety and thought i was choking all the time so my constant reassurance was to cough/clear my throat ALL the time). Feel for both of you.

BluePyjamas · 23/05/2011 01:46

Just leave the room and tell him why. Be honest.

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 23/05/2011 01:49

or do NOT do that. wtf. women smoking through pregnancy get more sympathy than people with deeply rooted anxiety issues.

BluePyjamas · 23/05/2011 01:54

The OP has an anxiety issue. So, imo, she should remove herself from it.

People with tics would much rather not being observed anyway.

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 23/05/2011 01:58

Yes fair enough. Looking at it from my POV i suppose.

VforViennetta · 23/05/2011 02:06

Can you just eat in different areas, I cannot stand the smacking/slurping sounds that my children display while eating. I take as much as I can then move to somewhere else. It's not so much when we are all at the table, rather when they are randomly chomping a sandwich near me.

I can't bear it, Dp eating an apple makes me murderous, he makes an over enthusiastic chomping sound that really goes through me. I have told him that it makes my skin crawl, but move myself rather than expect him to modify. He does seem to overly chomp apples near me though the big twat, why not just eat the fucking apple rather than doing the big emphasised chomp chomp .

VforViennetta · 23/05/2011 02:18

I do just leave the room when it gets too much, I don't want to give my children issues. Dp on the other hand does it on fucking purpose, I turn round and see him brandishing an apple, he finds it funny that I have to leave the room.

Like i say, me leaving the area/not staying at the dinner table, is much more reasonable than giving my children issues about eating. I honestly can't bear it though.

SockShitter · 23/05/2011 03:34

Oh. Though this was a sunday night bum sex thread.

on a serious note though I have some tics and would be humiliated if someone left the room and felt the need to tell me why

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