rules when MIL looks after DS

[sodiumion]

In your opinion, what are reasonable/unreasonable "rules" to set for my MIL when she looks after DS (7.5m) once a week...?
Obviously I can't give her a huge list with every "rule" that I/DH have at home or I'd look a bit nuts

If you are trusting her to look after your son surely she knows already how you bring him up? Other than letting her know your daily routine and what he normally eats I wouldn't give much more tbh

You could give her a couple of tips as to what his routine usually is, or what is good for settling him.
She may ignore them though.

I've told her when he sleeps and for how long, and given her food for him, its the little things I'm not sure about. For example, she also looks after his cousin (nearly 2) and says that he never eats a meal, but feeds him 2-3 bags of crisps...

I feel that if I tell her "no junk food" or whatever, I'll look very PFB.

None
Either you trust her to look after your child or not. Unless your child has special need that she is unfamiliar with, leave her. She is an adult who has brought up your husband. is he not OK?

Telling her your 'rules' sounds bossy and controlling.
Telling her your 'routines' sounds more considerate.

Trying to force her to 'obey' your rules will backfire spectacularly.
Encouraging her to mirror your routines might save her some time and effort while looking after your baby.

Or hypocritical, as I do let him have these things, but I'm careful about the amount...

She is doing you a favour looking after him. She managed to bring up your DH and she looks after his little cousin - let her get on with it or choose a childminder who agrees with your 'rules'.

At most I think you can say I will bring his food and as he's just a baby it's all I want him to have as I need to know what he's eating for now.

What junk food do you let a 7 month old have?

A crisp, a few buttons, etc, not a big mac!

btw, she didnt bring up DH, she left and he was brought up by his dad

Btw, she looks after him so she can spend time with him, not so I can do anything, she wants to have him out of the house. Its not a her vs childminder argument.

And I put "rules" in quotes cause I dont mean rules per se, routine is probably a better word :)

I think if you trust her to look after your dc you know she isn't going to do anything too odd. But if you have really strong opinions about certain things I think you should let her know in a nonconfrontational way otherwise it may fester.

My mom and dad will be looking after my ds when my dh and I have awkward shifts together. The most I'll tell her is that I don't want him left to cry for too long (I have a feeling my dad thinks it is an opportunity to try CC). Otherwise it's their house. My sister gave my mom a four page list. Some things my mom just ignored (and rightfully so - it was massively patronising).

My dad has offered to look after our DS when he is older can talk and able to "do things" and is threatening to allow him to do all the things he wasn't able to do as a kid.

We've said fine, as long as you follow some "rules" ... tbh the only one I care about is that he is brought back safe, alive and in one piece! (and preferably without some large crap toy that we have to find space for.)

Well OP, presumably she's saving you some money and you can't use the argument that DH was brought up by his Dad if you're quite happy for MIL to look after your DS.

Don't give her any rules at all - as suggested, let MIL know DS's routine. Although I don't know why you'd be feeding a 7.5 month old crisps yourself really? You can't be that particular about them then.

If MIL is given the food for DS for the day then that will help. If it's just for one day a week then that's not going to have a drastic effect - and if it really matters to you, get a childminder and pay them.

Well - if you don't need her to look after him and she's having him because she wants to - put your foot down until your hearts content though I think she will do as she pleases so you are wasting your breath. I think you are just going to have to work on the theory that what the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve!! See how it goes, if you think he's getting fed to much crap or not getting enough sleep then you can change it to half a day or whatever.

If you are leaving your son with someone who thinks it is ok to give a 1 year two packets of crisps, you are getting exactly what you pay for IMO and can't expect anything different.

I'm a MIL. I look after 8 month old grandson sometimes. His nursery book is always in his bag, so sometimes if I'm not sure re sleeps/feed etc I have a look to see what his routine is, as it takes loads of guesswork out of looking after him. My DIL is fantastic, she tells me how she thinks he'll be, what he's currently doing/bothered about etc, then leaves me to it. We have a lovely time, and I'm grateful for the guidance, but also for the trust.

Olderyetwiser - do you need another DIL??? I'm sure you'd have plenty of takers from MN :)

I have been telling my Grandmother for 15 years that my DC do not need crisps, sweets, biscuits and squash every single day in copious amounts to love going to her house and that at home they are very happy with fruit, yoghurts, water milk etc. I am wasting my time...

They do what they want.

OP you give crisps to a 7 month old baby? I've never heard of anyone doing that before. How odd. Is this a common practice? (long time since I had a baby).

should prob clarify, when I say crisps, I dont mean a packet of walkers ready salted! he has organix puff things, quavers, etc. and its maybe twice a week, apart from that he eats loads of fruit and veg and 99% of his meals are home cooked.