To think my colleagues should stop asking me for money?

[littleoscarsmama]

I work in a small office on a part time job that doesn't pay very much. Once the bills are paid I have £50 left per month for food and clothes from charity shop. In my job we give £5 each towards a birthday present per colleague (7 of us) which I don't really want to do but the women are complete and utter bitches and hard to say no to. Just lately it was a colleagues birthday and because she had been recently divorced, they decided to make it a 'special' birthday and ended up with us all putting £10 each in. When I said I couldn't afford it they were so mean to me and I ended up putting it in. Now, it's coming up to one of the women being in the job for 30 years and again, they've decided to 'do something special' for her which will, I am anticipating, involve us each putting in money to buy her something. I want to be ready this time to say no to them and to be able to stand up to them because I really can't afford it at all, but they make my life a complete misery. Please give me some things to say back do them when they start on me.

Do all 7 of you earn the same amount of money?

Oh, one suggestion is that you won't contribute again and so you will be happy not to receive a present on your birthday.

So they're bullies?

Say no, and if they are horrible to you, report them to whoever is above you (or them) or however your office works.

I'm sorry they are mean to you.

Just say no and keep saying no. And if they are mean about it, ask them what they want you to do instead? Not eat? Go naked? Be homeless? Not something you are willing to do for such mean people.

Really. Just tell them how mean they are. They will probably be meaner. Thicken your skin and keep your head down and start looking for a new job.

Think you'll just have to tough it out, say you can't afford it and stand by it.

Or you could offer to make a cake or some biscuits, if it's a colleague you like. If they are all bitches though, then have the courage of your convictions and opt out. If they never speak to you again, it's no loss is it?

In our small office we used to buy a cake or buns or something for our own birthday, that way we only contributed once a year.

Perhaps you could suggest that?

But no YANBU to want them to stop asking and you wouldn't be unreasonable to say you just cannot afford to contribute anything anymore.

YANBU. you need to nip this in the bud and challenge them on it.

Direct questions may be useful.

"I said I can't afford it. Would you like me to have no money for food inbetween today and next week?"

"Why are you so determined to get me to put money in? I've clearly explained that I cannot afford it. Please stop harassing me."

Failing that, you need to raise it with your line manager.

You should not be subject to this type of bullying. These gifts should be discretionary.

Please sitck stick up for yourself here. I've had similar situations happen with family when e.g. we'd decided to put in £50 for a special wedding anniversary present but other members agreed without me knowing later that a present for £100 each was "much better" (it was buying something for them at the hotel whilst they were on holiday). And that was hard enough having to clash with family! You shouldn't be harassed the same way at WORK!

Madness! Where does it end?

Just make it clear you don't expect anything from anyone else at the same time.

50 for food? For how many? Are you not entitled to some benefits?

YANBU. They are. I would be tempted to tell them to feck off and poo in their handbags.