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To not want to cater for a friend's partner's fussy eating?

32 replies

silentcatastrophe · 20/05/2011 10:14

He will eat sausages. Potatoes. Not with butter. Not with sauce. White bread. Boiled veg. No herbs or spices. Mars bars for energy. This man is in his 50s, very underweight with an exercise habit that is obsessional.

I am a good cook and I'm happy to cater for different dietary needs. This man is simply fussy and will not eat the same food as anyone else.

OP posts:

Sparklyblue · 20/05/2011 10:15

I don't blame you, he sounds like a right twit.


PorkChopSter · 20/05/2011 10:17

Once of my BILs will only eat (certain) meat and (certain) veg. No sauce. No tomatoes. No bananas. Nothing homemade. No pastry.

One of my SILs is a gluten-free vegan.

Menu planning is difficult Grin


ExitPursuedByAKitten · 20/05/2011 10:20

Just sausages? I would avoid having him round for meals - or make him a butter free sausage butty.


Hammy02 · 20/05/2011 10:20

Fussy eating adults do my head in. Fair enough if its a medical thing but for gawd's sake, grow up.


Flisspaps · 20/05/2011 10:23

If they're coming for a meal/to stay, say "I am cooking X,Y and Z. If you would rather not eat it, please feel free to bring something along and I'll warm it up for you"

Allergies and intolerances are one thing, fartarsing about and being fussy is something else.


scurryfunge · 20/05/2011 10:23

Cook as normal and tell him in advance what will be on the menu - he can then decide whether to eat it, bring his own or eat before he arrives. I would not cater to the super faddy.


Eglu · 20/05/2011 10:24

YANBU, and I say that as a fussy eater myself. Although not as bad as you describe.

When we go to friends houses I will try whatever is on front of me.


silentcatastrophe · 20/05/2011 10:34

I think his eating is pretty disordered TBH. It's not a feelgood thing to eat in his presence with him picking about, and worse still, saying what he will and will not eat. It is not allergy or intolerance. It is fussy enough to make the man ill. It does not make sense from a nutritional or dietary point of view.

We don't have a microwave, or a dishwasher, so heating extra bits up is actually a bloody nuiscance. The thought of him being here makes me feel quite cross. The exercise obsession is not pretty. Perhaps he can take the dogs out for a long run and fit in something useful! That's better!

OP posts:

jeckadeck · 20/05/2011 17:56

sorry, but with the exception of people who have to do it for religious reasons or health reasons (like, the doctor's ordered them to in order not to get diabetes), people who expect the world to fall into line around their health fads can go take a flying f*. 90% of of faddy eating is either neurosis or class-based oneupmanship designed to show people how organic you are (wheat "intoerance") being a good example). Your friend's partner's eating sounds abnormally weird to me and not even based on health (what kind of person considers sausages and white bread to be good for you?). Tell him to make his own if he doesn't like what's on offer.


CogitoErgoSometimes · 20/05/2011 18:01

I'd probably do a buffet-style meal if I knew someone was that eating disordered. Green salad, french bread etc. and then some random dishes of real food that most people eat. Any polite visitor will work their way around the choices offered and not make a fuss. If he does make a fuss, don't invite them back...


TeddyMcardle · 20/05/2011 18:02

Thankfully ds grew out of his wheat intolerance Jeck but I can assure you there was nothing faddy about it. Screaming, stomach cramps and a few day o diarrhoea is not worth a bit of bread.


Bumfuzzle · 20/05/2011 18:06

Poor bloke. Sounds less like fussy eating and more like an eating disorder or other emotional issue, especially when combined with the obsessive exercise.


samc007 · 20/05/2011 18:12

I was thinking the same bumfuzzle especially as op mentioned an obsessive exercise regime.


DilysPrice · 20/05/2011 18:14

Pain in the arse, but as a host then you should make an effort to come up with something he'll eat. You would be U to present him with something in the knowledge that he was only going to leave.


campion · 20/05/2011 18:14

Just a thought.
Eating disorders and phobias come in many forms - some more obvious than others. Blame people for having them but don't assume they can always help it.

Is he actually making a fuss about this or are you frustrated by his inflexibility?
Maybe he's not too happy with himself either. ASD-type conditions can often be a contributory factor and you don't grow out of those.

The buffet idea sounds like a good compromise.


Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 20/05/2011 18:20

Is that the limit of his diet?
No veg etc?

I'd just serve him boiled spuds and sausages. If that is what he wants, he can have it... would take no time to prepare really... perhaps bring spuds int your meal ideas for everyone else, and just do the sausages extra? At least he hasn't asked for specific sausages mail ordered from some remote pig farm in the outer hebrides... or something.. ;-)


Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 20/05/2011 18:21

pah, saw he will have boiled veg
Do some of that too. yes yes, steaming is better, but we boil in this house so wouldn't bother me! ;-)


CoteDAzur · 20/05/2011 18:22

Tell him that he can bring his own food if he is so strict about his diet and that you don't mind heating it up for him.


mrsravelstein · 20/05/2011 18:25

dh has a friend like this, so i just never invited them round for dinner. i would always ask people 'is there anything you don't eat' when inviting, but if i got a list of 3 items they do eat instead of 'oh, no prawns please', i think i'd suggest going out instead.


onceamai · 20/05/2011 18:26

YANBU - if he comes as a guest he is being bad mannered. It isn't difficult, eating disorder or no eating disorder to say (whether it's true or not) don't go to any trouble for me, I'll be having a large lunch and won't want very much.


fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/05/2011 18:28

he doesn't sound like a "twit" but like he has a very real eating disorder.


bubblecoral · 20/05/2011 18:31

The man obviously has an issue, probably some kind of phobia or eating disorder.

My DH has had the same due to neglect as a child. It has taken a huge amount of work and tears for him to be able to eat at someone elses house, and even then, our friends are generally more considerate and understanding than you seem to be.

I can almost guarantee that this man is not being fussy just to make your like difficult, and if you were my friend, I would either not accept an invitation to dinner, or cut off the friendship. I don't want to be friends with someone that it so intolerant of someone elses difficulties.

I realise that it's a hard thing to understand. God knows it took me long enough when DH and I first got together. But if you value your friend at all, you will respect that the man she loves has a problem. I am very thankful that my friends are such lovely people who are able to accept something even if they don't understand it.


GwendolineMaryLacey · 20/05/2011 18:32

It does sound extreme so I would make a bit more of an effort. His diet sounds extremely limited, I'm sure he's not doing it for fun.


MotherPanda · 20/05/2011 18:39

I think its a bit harsh to not cater - it is a food phobia/disorder and they are psychologically based, or in some cases it can be the physical texture of some foods which are intolerable.

The meal that he eats isnt awful, Sauasages, potatoes, boiled veg sounds like a good meal to me. You can get some really nice sausages.

I'm sure he'd be happy to bring his own sausages if you felt put out about having to buy things for him.

I am Dyspraxic, so have a food texture problem and my diet sounds very similar. I was diagnosed as having a a food phobia, with a bit of anxiety and OCD. I have gotten much much better in recent years, but still find it difficult when faced with new people. dinner parties are ALWAYS to be avoided, It's probably quite a big deal for him to even consider going to one.

I would chat to your friend about it, I'm sure he'd rather help you cook his own meal than be excluded or faced with a plate of unfamilliar foods.


AnnoyingOrange · 20/05/2011 18:49

I would cook sausages alongside whatever else I was making, in the same way that I will cook something vegetarian for my veggie friends.

I want people to feel welcome in my home and it's no trouble to cook a few sausages

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