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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU and spending too much?

53 replies

Aliensstolemysanity · 20/05/2011 08:37

My DS2 turns 10 this year, has begged for a party at Legoland. It turns out the cost is £350 for the number of friends and us to go - my husband says this is too much money when you add it to presents, diesel etc. Having reminded him what parties had cost before......
Is the party a waste of money or something my DS2 will love and remember?
I really don't know whether I am being unreasonable or not to even propose spending that!

OP posts:
winnybella · 20/05/2011 08:39

If you can afford it, why not?

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 20/05/2011 08:46

Having reminded him what parties had cost before

So, you usually spend more, OP? So it's within normal bounds for you?

Crack on then.

lesley33 · 20/05/2011 08:51

I think if you can afford it and you know he will really appreciate, do it. I wouldn't be happy to do it if he would take it for granted, but it doesn't sound as if he will. Why not ask him to contribute in some way e.g. some saved pocket money or extra chores so he knows this is a "special" treat.

Original poster
Aliensstolemysanity · 20/05/2011 08:56

That's a good idea, I can afford it - I work and save hard for things like this, I think my husband gets hung up on 'value' and he just cannot see the value for money in it.

OP posts:
DialMforMummy · 20/05/2011 08:56

I think that is the hell of a lot of money for a 10 year old bday party. But maybe that's just me.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 20/05/2011 08:57

we have done allsorts for parties - big picnics at the nature reserve, football and swimming parties, candles and cake at home, climbing party, the zoo....they have always been a touch 'home-made' and I always do goodie-bags Grin

honestly? they don't remember any of them - it just contributes to the haze of a fun childhood

Its about managing expectation - if you want to do it, and can afford it, do it. If not, downscale the plans - he'll get over it. Promise.

lesley33 · 20/05/2011 08:58

It is a lot of money, but if the OP can afford it and it will be a special memory for her son, then why not.

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 20/05/2011 09:00

How many friends does he want to invite? Normally a theme park party only involves maybe 2 or 3 other DCs (IME) - could he reduce the guest list?

You could also explain that as the party is expensive he won't have so much to open? Like if he normally gets 5 presents he'd just get 2 or 3?

lesley33 · 20/05/2011 09:01

I think if children have lots of similar experiences they don't remember 1 particular one. But I remember special treats very well - like the barbecue for my birthday in the middle of winter (birthday parties were usually very little affairs) or the fancy birthday cake my mum made for my brother or the ice cream birthday cake my uncle bought one year.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 20/05/2011 09:03

i just think our experience has shown its the people that make a party, not the place.

also, the higher the expectation and build-up to a 'good' party, the high stakes make it more stressful.

a sunny day, a football and fave foods picnic - with presents, cake, goodie bags and a few traditional games has all the ingredients for a fun time too.

but if I had the money, I would spend it Grin

Original poster
Aliensstolemysanity · 20/05/2011 09:03

I could reduce the guest list - he has 8 friends he wants to take, reducing this to 6 is very feasible.
In terms of presents he has only asked for one, so he knows he will only be getting that (although I really want to buy him a kindle as he adores mine).
I think I might just do it and then maybe skip a party next year

OP posts:
DialMforMummy · 20/05/2011 09:04

Do you have to spend quite that much for a special memory? I agree with LightShines, IMHO it's about expectations, going to Legoland for your bday is one thing, having a bday party there quite another.

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 20/05/2011 09:05

Wow, 8 guests, no wonder it's so pricy! Yes, definitely reduce that. Hope it's a lovely day.

Pagwatch · 20/05/2011 09:05

The only people who know if you can afford it are you and dh.
If £350 is the amount you sound on a pair of shoes then great. If it means doing without other stuff for a couple of months then no.
And all points in-between.

I would never sound more than dh agreed was reasonable. But fortunately he loves parties too Grin

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 20/05/2011 09:09

For my children, this would've been such a massive amount of money for me to spend on a party that they would have to understand that there was no birthday present that year. Also I would only allow one friend to come to knock the cost down. And even then it would be too much!

But, as I said above, if that amount is affordable for you, then carry on.

It'll be a lovely day out.

Original poster
Aliensstolemysanity · 20/05/2011 09:10

I think you've been in my shoe cupboard pagwatch Nobody will have to go without anything, I save up for things like this, By reducing the guest list and managing his (and my) expectations I think I can make it a bit more reasonable.
He has not had the best of years and I think this is a bit of a highlight for him, I hope Smile

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 20/05/2011 09:13

Perfect then Smile

Ah, good decision.
It is always worth making sure everyone is happy about it. I am sure your dh would be lovely on the day but tension around the cyst wouldn't have helped the party along.

Pagwatch · 20/05/2011 09:14

Hahaha

I would be tense about a party cyst!

Tension around the cost

GoFullForce · 20/05/2011 09:14

Its up to you, but No I dont think its too much, ds2 birthday (2nd) in July, we're having a big party for him, even going as far as decking the garden, hes also having a children's entertainer, face painter and balloon maker, he may not remember it, but for us its worth every penny, he deserves it.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 20/05/2011 09:14

pagwatch - cyst?!!!

TrillianAstra · 20/05/2011 09:15

If you can afford it, and if you think it would be more enjoyable than spending the £350 in a differnt way (smaller party but more presents, for example), then why not?

BelovedCunt · 20/05/2011 09:15

i am always tense round cysts

Pagwatch · 20/05/2011 09:17

Grin and[twit]

thelittlefriend · 20/05/2011 09:18

Hope he has a great day then. My and my dp are using the line "live for the day" a lot a the moment and splashing out when we usually wouldn't. I've not regretted any of it yet!

lesley33 · 20/05/2011 09:18

"Do you have to spend quite that much for a special memory?"

No of course you don't. Special memories are made up of lots of different things - some that cost and some that are free. But I think for a special memory it does have to be something you wouldn't do ordinarily.

For example, if you have never had a water fight at home having one will create a special memory - assuming you enjoy it! But if its something you do throughout the summer then yes you may enjoy it, but it won't be a special memory.