To tell 'friends' not to visit

[scaryfairy28]

i have a few friends and family who haven't been in touch the whole time I've been pregnant with DD now 1 week old. Aibu to tell them there not welcome to visit now she's here? Same sort of question about some family who my mum has invited to visit when we are down seeing her. Aibu to think they could make the effort to come to us only an hour away as I have made the effort to visit for all there DC being born, special b'days etc?

Why are you being so shirty?

I dont think that there is any need to be like that, just see who comes, put the kettle on and enjoy the attention!

People have busy lives and cannot be expected to visit all of the time!

People will be thrilled for you and will want to visit and bring lovely presents and cards for you and your baby, dont isolate yourself from any one.

chill out and enjoy!

Do you want to get over this and be "friends"/close again? Or do you want to be rid of them? If the latter, just don't talk to the family at your mother's, which means they don't have any openings, and don't send the friends any announcement messages. That's a fairly clear break without a fight, which you don't need, with a small child.

However, if you want them to understand you have been hurt and lonely, and don't want to be even more lonely now you have a newborn, you'll have to make the effort with first contact (possibly through mutual friends who have kept in touch, and, in the case of the relatives, through your mother). It's a shame for you to have to undo the effects of their laziness, but if you have been so conscientious about their DC, you would probably not feel right not making the final effort and giving them a chance to make it up to you.

Congrats on the baby, and go and get some sleep!

Most people don't want to bother pregnant women with house calls unless expressly invited- it's good manners, I thought.

I agree with BoF about issuing an explicit invitation; I wouldn't dream of popping in on a new mother unless I saw her a lot anyway, which these friends haven't.

"Going around telling people you don't want them to visit, especially if they haven't shown any particular interest in visiting will make you look a bit odd."

Odd, or Babyzillaaaaaa! They'd be pleased at their escape from the obligation to visit! Or would turn up sulkily, having been shamed into it.

I read it that your Mum has invited visitors to HER house, whilst you are visiting her. Is that right?

You sound hurt and angry that people haven't shown interest in your DD or paid any attention to her. She's only a week old and perhaps people are remembering their own preference for visitors perhaps some weeks/months after the birth and assuming that you would want the same.

I think that your family should have at least contacted you to congratulate you. I really wouldn't tell people they aren't welcome to visit now - not unless you really mean it. Why not issue an invitation to family/close friends for a morning/afternoon visit each and see how that goes?

Congrats on your new baby. :)

Please don't let your dd's birth be tainted by the creation of new, or the rehashing of old, grievances.

So many of us live life at a pace; there never seems to be enough hours in the day to keep up with our close dearly beloved let alone those more distant friends/relatives that we may have put more effort into than we've got back.

However, and whenever, you catch up with long (and short) lost rellies/mates, seize the moment and celebrate it because it may not come around again.

Congratulations on your baby girl! I was the same when I first had DS and when I look back on it now it wasn't the big deal I thought it was (not undermining you just talking from experience). This is an amazing time for you so don't sweat the small stuff. Trust me you will be beaming as they coo over your beautiful baby!

You are being very unreasonable.