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To be so exhausted/ exasperated

11 replies

chinateacup · 19/05/2011 23:26

Ok, in short form so you don't lose the will to live...
I am 24 weeks pregnant. I have a 2 year old. I work full time (0900-1730) 5 days a week. My husband works away all week, leaves Mon morning, home Fri night. We are trying to sell our house - so every day before I leave for childminders / work I have to make sure place looks nigh on immaculate in case there are any viewings. I have no family nearby - so I have an arrangement with my childminder that if i had an emergency in the night i can call her. I can't actually call my husband - there is no signal where he stays. So I could call an emergency landline numbe, but otherwise I just have to wait for him to call at a more or less prearranged time. Whilst on paper we look relatively well off, we have house, car etc, by the time the bills are paid there's not much left. OH is spending freely on god knows what (not worried he has hidden vice, just that he's useless with money but denies it, and never thinks twice). I barely spend anything. He spends more in 5 days when he has meals provided than I do on a weekly shop. I am working my butt off to secure a promotion before mat leave which has been promised pending a sign off, but am starting to think that they might just be keeping me dangling so they get my services for free til I go on leave. I feel totally exhausted, emotional, sad. I don't feel like I can take any time off because they'll probably notch it up as pregnancy issues and use it against me (maybe I'm being paranoid) ... I just don't know what to do to help myself right now.
Not that short after all, but please do tell me if I should just man up, or if its ok to feel like this. As almost every phonecall this week has ended in tears...

OP posts:

hairfullofsnakes · 19/05/2011 23:30

Of course it is ok for you to feel like this

I wish I had something constructive to say but all I can really do is say I feel for you, you have a lot on your shoulders and I wish you all the very very best xxxx


sunnydelight · 19/05/2011 23:34

You are pregnant, knackered and stressed out, hardly surprising you are tearful. You do need to talk to your DH and see what you can do TOGETHER to make life better - he is in a totally different zone Mon-Fri where all he has to think about is himself (which probably has a lot to do with his high casual spending which is a really common theme with a lot of families I know in the same situation) - he needs to know that it has an impact on the family. Hopefully he's just being a bit thoughtless and will rally round if you tell him you feel unsupported, I would start there. Good luck.


izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 19/05/2011 23:46

Of course it's ok for you feel however you damn well please, but at the same time you need to man up and eliminate excess stress.

You don't need to leave your home looking immaculate everyday - simply tell any estate agents that you need 24 hours notice before any viewing.

Realistically, there's not a lot you can do about work/your employers, and you are going have to come to terms with the current uncertainty.

It's good that you can call on your childminder at any time, but not good that your DH may be overspending the fruits of your labours.

Instead of teary phone conversations, wait until he's home tomorrow and (allowing him plenty of time to get coat off, slip back into the old routine) sit down with him and pour your heart out.

You're in a marriage which, these days, is a partnership of equals. Explain how his spending is making you feel insecure and is threatening to destory the joy you should be feeling at the impending birth of your 2nd dc.

Regularly remind yourself that all things must pass and, hopefully, when you have sold up and are settled into pastures new, many of your current problems will dissolve like the morning mist.

You'd have a hell of a lot on your plate without pregnant hormones raging; go easy on yourself and on your DH and you'll come through this and look back and shudder laugh.


chinateacup · 20/05/2011 07:27

Thankyou all for sage advice and hugs. Morning light and all that...Will have a good old cup of tea and a chat tonight

OP posts:

mumblechum1 · 20/05/2011 07:33

This too will pass.

Life is v v stressful for you at the moment (don't want to bore you but the early years for me were exactly like yours inc. brain damaged ds1 thrown into the mix.) What I did was to contract out everythig I possibly could, I had a cleaner, ironing lady, 2 gardeners & went out one night a week leaving kids with a babysitter so I could kick something in karate for two hours Grin

things got better just with the passing of time, eventually moving to where dh was based so at least he was there (not that he's ever been domesticated but at least he was there), the kids got older etc etc.

You just have to hang on in there, talk to your dh re. him having a fixed amount of pocket money and spend the money he's wasting now on getting a cleaner in for an hour or two 3 or 4 times a week.

Good luck


WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 20/05/2011 07:37

Your OH needs to grow up and stop frittering money away.

Good luck with the chat :)


Punkatheart · 20/05/2011 07:40

Firstly, may I say how much I admire you. You sound very burdened but obviously ambitious. All power to you! But secondly, the problem does lie with your OH - you HAVE TO TALK.

Sorry I can't be more help. Is there anything you can do to help yourself a little. If you OH were to lighten up on the spending, you could to least get a cleaner. You deserve this - stop pushing so hard for so little reward.

As others, sending warm thoughts and wishes.


Cutiecat · 20/05/2011 07:42

I just wanted to say that i understand too. My DH works away often and seems to forget what our 'real' life is like. Try to take it easy and treat yourself with a new nail varnsh, a dvd and a big bar of chocolate. Paint your toenails while you still can!


hairfullofsnakes · 20/05/2011 08:09

I wanted to add that maybe you need to take control of the finances? Even though it's extra work it may prove less stressful especially if your dh finds it hard to be sensible?


Honeybee79 · 20/05/2011 08:15

I feel for you. Not surprised you feel like this at all. Sounds so stressful.

Don't get the house "view ready" every day. Just tell the estate agent you need at least 24 hrs notice which should at least give you an evening to prepare and a bit more time.

I would also take control of the household finances.


moomaa · 20/05/2011 08:18

That does sound like a lot to deal with, I don't think you need to man up at all, it sounds like you are doing the best you can with a lot on your plate.

I agree the spending by your DH needs to stop, could you agree him a budget for when he's away?

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