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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Further to the thread about not reading - DH does not get why I feel sad

28 replies

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 19/05/2011 20:51

I have copied this here as it got lost in the other thread.

We've recently started having our neighbour (7) over to play, and he spends the whole time poring over any book he can see. I've lent him a few too. He's pretty good at reading (especially as English is not his parents' first language). I asked if he ever went to the library and he looked at me like this Confused and actually laughed when I asked if his parents ever read, he said no way!

That made me sad but not nearly as sad as what he just told me (I'm MNing while he's here and they are all watching dangermouse). He was fussing as he didn't want to go home. He said it was because "my house doesn't have the stuff that I want" - I thought fair enough, he's thinking we have better wii games or DVDs or something.

But he said "my house has lots of games and toys. But I don't want them, they are my dad's". I asked what he did want. He said "I just want books but I don't have any". He only ever has one from the school library. I offered to take him to the library and he was like Shock "but they won't let me"

I told him to think about what books he'd like as it's his birthday next month. He hardly knew what to say to that. I cant wait to choose him a few things.

I know there's worse things for a child to go through - but I actually want to cry.

None of my business though is it, as DH rightly says. Fair enough, they don't like reading, but it seems like their DS isn't allowed to. That's not fair. AIBU to feel sad for him?

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 19/05/2011 20:55

YANBU. Don't understand parents who stop their DC from doing things like reading/dancing/singing, etc just because they don't like them. My Dad wasn't into music except shite country stuff so we never had the radio on, even in the car Shock

Hope you buy him some lovely books, it is your business now he's spoken to you about it anyway - why shouldn;t you care!?

cat64 · 19/05/2011 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

troisgarcons · 19/05/2011 21:00

Parents with ESL ....dont take this the wrong way - That implies immigrants..... do they actually know there are free libraries? And dare i ask if the parents can actually read?

Im sure his school has a library!

Do you know/chat with the parents?

And would we be having this conversation if my child went to your house and told you I dont have televison or games consoles because I like books?

squeakytoy · 19/05/2011 21:02

Jumble sales are a great place to pick up a load of books for literally pennies. :)

BelleEnd · 19/05/2011 21:04

That is very sad. :(

Original poster
WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 19/05/2011 21:05

Tg - not sure how long they have been in England (they're Portuguese) but they both work and speak English etc... They aren't the cliche image of immigrants hiding away in a house and not speaking to anyone... So they would know.

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suebfg · 19/05/2011 21:06

That's really sad - I feel like crying too :(

We get most of our books from the charity shops or libraries. If I were you, I'd buy him some books from the charity shop and offer to 'lend' them to him.

Original poster
WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 19/05/2011 21:07

And would we be having this conversation if my child went to your house and told you I dont have televison or games consoles because I like books?

That's a fair question, and I see your point. :) I'm not sure. I guess one difference is that consoles/games etc cost hundreds, books can be free.

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Shallishanti · 19/05/2011 21:10

lots of people who are born here don't know about public libraries!
deffo take him next time you go Grin

DoMeDon · 19/05/2011 21:11

You NEED to read not play a wii Smile

suebfg · 19/05/2011 21:22

"And would we be having this conversation if my child went to your house and told you I dont have televison or games consoles because I like books?"

No but in my book (excuse the pun) you're deprived if you don't have books as a child - it is downright shocking! Couldn't care less about the television/games consoles.

PumpkinSnatch · 19/05/2011 21:23

How old is the child? Do you know he has no books? It's possible that he just didn't want to go home because he was enjoying playing with his friend and he had sensed your love of books and latched onto not having any as a reason.
Don't like the tone of the OP tbh. It seems like you think that if the parents don't bring their children up the same way as you then it's sad and you have to step in to fill some kind of void. I'm sure their ds does some educational things that yours doesn't. I assume he can speak 2 languages for a start. Would you appreciate your neighbours pitying your son because he only speaks English?

troisgarcons · 19/05/2011 21:24

Oddly we were having this convo at work today, about reading in general. as of next year the GCSE reading spec has been reduced to books of less than 100 pages because children (generally) don't read/cant read in volume. That means the classics have finally been wiped out.

The whole younger generation has been presented with instant online media -visual - why would you need to read a news paper when you quite probably have a phone with internet connection and if there is some monumental world event happening you can watch it real time, over and over ... so you dont need to read to know it is happening.

if you will all forgive me for using one of the most traumatic events of our life time .... the Twin Towers ....I watched it, solidly for 48 hours ..... purely becaue it was there for me to watch time and time again, with instant 'specialist' commentary. 20 years ago - I would have perhaps picked it up on News at !0, then rushed out to get news paper, and tuned the radio in.

Media has changed so much in our life time.

But! back to books and reading. Of my 3 children, one hates it; one reads only factual books; one devours anything.

I have to say, as someone who loves and enjoys reading and used to go through several books a week - my book reading is greatly reduced these days - purely because I enjoy real time surfing the internet. And, Im well aware that my vocabulary has dropped as a result; plus my capacity to assimiliate and retain information.

Original poster
WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 19/05/2011 21:25

Thing is, he's so so enthusiastic about books - he shows me what he's got at school, and the first time I lent him a book he read loads to me. How can his parents not know that?

His mum seems really sweet - shy, but nice. Dad OTOH is just grumpy. The first time I decided maybe there was a reason why the boy was desperate to play with my DCs was when we were all outside (shared front lawn) his dad got home from work and he went up to him saying daddy daddy give me a hug! And the dad just walked straight past and shut the door. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 19/05/2011 21:28

Pumpkin - that's a fair point. I certainly didn't mean to sound snobby etc though I can see why that comes across. He just seemed so sad :(

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PumpkinSnatch · 19/05/2011 21:29

Hard day at work maybe? You've obviously decided that the parents are inadequate - well at least the dad but maybe the mum too as you've heard, from a child, that he has no books (apart from the ones he gets from school which I assume are locked in the attic until they are returned).
This thread just seems like a 'look how brilliant I am' kind of thread tbh.

PumpkinSnatch · 19/05/2011 21:30

Sorry x posted. What do you mean by he seemed sad? Have you got other concerns about his welfare?

Ismeyes · 19/05/2011 21:33

So the school he goes to doesn't have books? He has only ever had one from the school library? How does that work?

Original poster
WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 19/05/2011 21:38

No, he has one at a time from the school library

OP posts:
Original poster
WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 19/05/2011 21:39

But doesn't have any books of his own, that's why he was sad

OP posts:
suebfg · 19/05/2011 21:54

It is bad parenting not to have books in your house for your children to read. What excuse is there, really?

Original poster
WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 19/05/2011 22:11

Pumpkin - I was planning on posting about the book thing in isolation TBH, but since you ask about welfare - I don't know, I'm not about to phone SS with allegations of neglect, but generally I just feel a bit sorry for him. He's looked after ok but I never see his parents interact with him. But obviously I'm not there all the time so behind closed doors they could be totally different.

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TotallyUtterlyDesperate · 19/05/2011 22:24

sadly, many school libraries are being closed, librarians are being sacked or the school is hardly spending any money on books. I hope he can borrow more than one book at a time!

Original poster
WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 19/05/2011 22:26

I know TUD :( my mum runs a library and it is horrible knowing her job is at risk.

I have got two library interviews next week though... We are very lucky in my town to have a massive new library.

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Original poster
WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 19/05/2011 22:27

I told him the other day that at the library in town he can get twenty books out at a time. His eyes nearly fell out of his head :o

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