to have started something I can't finish

[portaloo]

due to not knowing enough about what I'm talking about.

Ok, started as a discussion on FB, where one of my FB friends, who is also my niece's fiance wrote a status claiming all single mums are nothing but feckless scroungers who live off of benefits and are bleeding the country dry , they should all get a full time job or be made homeless and if they die homeless, he'll be happy, because it's one less scrounger to pay for. This is because FB friend is totally pissed off with working over 50hrs a week in 2 jobs to support these lazy breeders.

This particular FB friend has written other equally offensive statuses but I either ignore, or they don't escalate.

Anyhow, I posted on this one after he received lots of 'likes' and 'well said mate' to ask why the onus is always on the single mums, basically told him what a load of old clap trap he is talking, and maybe the focus should be on the father's who dont pay for their DC, and surely if a single mum gets a job, she will still have to claim benefits in the guise of tax credits, housing benefit etc, because wages aren't high enough to support a family. Anyhow on and on it goes, covering topics such as single mums only have DC to get a council house and live off of huge amounts of IS, which I don't believe to be true, so we dipped into house prices being very high, private rents being extortionate in some cases etc etc, until FB friend concedes that maybe it is a far more complex situation than can be solved by vilifying the single mums. (I was pissed off that he constantly referred to mums rather than single parents tbh.)

Shortly after this discussion came to an end (or so I thought), I get a phone call from my sister, who demands I stop posting (on my own status by this time) because it is upsetting her DD (whose fiance is the FB friend posting on my status )

This made me rather angry, that I am expected to 'shut up' because my niece is getting upset at her fiance's narrowminded misogynistic view of single mums. (Of course, this will never ever happen to my niece, since FB friend will not be a feckless father ever!!)

I explained to my sister that I would leave it, unless he posted more tripe on my page detailing his uninformed opinion.

He posted again, I decided it wasn't worth the grief.

I have just logged onto my FB to find my other sister's DH (bil) has written that 'house prices are high because many of the top companies have greedy share holders, leading to pay cuts, pay freezes or people losing their jobs therefore adding to the dole queue, hence fewer people pay tax which limits that available to pay out in benefits.'

Surely this is not the main reason house prices are high?? Or is it??

I am now officially out of my depth and feel a right wally to have started standing up for single mums only to find myself being unable to answer my own bloody status, because of my embarrassing lack of knowledge.

AIBU to be feeling ashamed at my lack of knowledge and a bit pissed off that my sister has asked me to shut up and not defend single mums because it upsets my niece (her DD).

delete facebook...why is it so important??

too long and dull to read sorry

I think it's made me angry because these people make up my family, and FB doesn't really make any difference in this case AFAIC, since if my family hold these views, they will express them to my face or on FB. FB is just the vessel they are using atm.

If FB wasn't available and we were all together IRL, should I shut up to spare people's feelings when they are saying crap like this?
Maybe I am more upset because I am a single parent, which my niece and her fiance know, so I am supposed to pipe down, and let my own family call me a scrounging waster who should be made homeless??

His statement is patent nonsense. If high wages have forced people out of work then this would mean people were less able to pay their mortgages leading to more repossessions a glut of cheaper houses on the market and therefore downward pressure on house prices. Secondly the unemployment figures are out today and they are down overall although the number claiming JSA is slightly up, but not massively so as he suggests. The reasons for high house prices are hugely complex and simply cannot be explained by one argument - especially this one.

I would love to have this argument - although not on FB, but I suggest you don't get involved in an argument you cannot sustain.

I'd also tell my sister to wind her neck in, if your DN is old enough to have a fiance she is old enough to fight her own battles without running to her Mum.

Thank you Takeresponsibility. I appreciate your post. I am interested in the subjects anyway, but yes, I found myself out of my depth, and it's a rubbish feeling to know I can't finish something I started.

Reason to leave FB to wasters and cunts #647

What is annoying you - the man's notes on FB or the fact your sister has asked you not to respond?

I think what would really piss off your sister, niece and more over your nephew-in-law-to-be, would be to 'unfriend' them. Take them off your list of friends. That says more than words could.

Another benefit of this would be that you don't have to read about anything he has added, and won't be able to read via your sister or neice either.

Then if they ask why? You just say that you don't want to read any bigoted crap any more.

YANBU. Tell them its all down to the huge level of inequality in this country. That includes the number of single parents and also the big difference between rich and poor caused by the greedy companies.

Read the book and you'll be knowledgable too!

www.equalitytrust.org.uk/resource/the-spirit-level

www.equalitytrust.org.uk/resource/the-spirit-level

This would have made me so angry.
I think you've argued well so far, but ultimately will not win as people like him will say any old shit to make a point and not care who's feelings he hurts. Maybe this is why your sis appealed to you to stop and not him.

Pingu is so right, unfriend them all, then hide the idiots who post this rubbish. And don't feel bad, you've been very articulate, but it's impossible.

YANBU and it's a shame you've got some sarky replies here already. I'd say ignore, because life is too short to allow other peoples crap to seep into your life like this. Hover over the side of his posts on your wall to delete his future bollocks from appearing (he won't know you've done this). I see your point about FB being a vessel but actually, IME people are alot more twatty online than face to face as they're hidden from view and feel more confident in being a nobber.

You can't change his small mind so let him get on with it, smile and move on :)

How about you just hide him on your FB - that way you don't have to defriend and risk upsetting them but you also don't have to read his ill-informed shit? It might also be an idea to stop participating in debates that you can never win.

I agree you argued your point very well.

You sound level-headed and sensible. Do not ever shut up to spare hurting peoples feelings when they are talking such rubbish.
I've 'de-friended' a couple of people on FB for this sort of thing, it gets me all wound up inside but I'm a rubbish debater, so never say anything to them, just get rid.
How awful for him to be saying this sort of thing esp knowing your own situation.

Hide him.
I have a friend that I marvel at the right wing vitriol that gets spouted, every now and again I hide him and spare myself, but then curiosity gets the better of me and I peek...occasionally I don mental armour and join the spat.
Good for you to fight your corner though. But as others have said, you're unlikely to change his tiny mind.

YANBU at all to pull him up when he's talking such utter shite. It seems that its turned into an argument about a cluster of complex interrelated issues, neither of you has all the answers and ultimately you're never going to agree anyway. I'd probably just give him a "let's agree to disagree" and back off- its not worth the energy.

Thanks for all the posts.
I have hidden him and my niece, but not before I noticed he had 'liked' my post that said
"Yeah, lets put all the onus on the mothers, feckless breeders, nothing but slags who want a council house and live off of benefits for the rest of their lives, greedy fuckers!!!! I got a better idea!! Instead of making BOTH parents stand by their responsibilities, lets vilify the mothers who have been left with ALL of the responsibility, while the man swans off doing his own thing, possibly some of them work 55 hours a week and pay not a penny to support their children, but hey, that's ok, because we're women and can cope all on our own and if we can't, well, it's our own fault for trusting in a man in the first place."
Obviously this was said in jest after many other posts which explained my point.
I feel very for my niece that she is marrying this ill informed man next year, but I have hidden him from my feed.
I saw he had 'liked' my post (incidentally a good few hours after my sister had asked me not to post anymore) and just thought 'What a knobber!!'

Thanks everyone.

Facebook....aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I think OP that ignorant bigots like that are never going to "get it" no matter how eloquent and well-substantiated your arguments are. You're wasting your breath and blocking is the only way

I fucking hate face book and wish it would disappear....I want to go back to the good old days where when someone moved out of your street you never heard from them again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now this fecking facebook shite has made it possible for all the boring sad twats of the universe to get together and be TWATS!!!!!!!!!!!!