...to feel a bit, I don't know, indignant?

[AvonCallingBarksdale]

Haven't done a threat in here for a while, so here goes. Indignant is probably too strong a word really, but anyway, here's the story. 5 old school friends arrange to meet up with partners and kids (known each other for about 20 yrs). 4 of the group have anything btw 1-3 kids and are all married. The other one in the group is very happily unmarried to her DP and, through choice, doesn't have kids. So, all able to make the agreed date, but friend without kids has said she'll come only on the promise that we talk about sthg other than babies and kids. This has stirred something in me, and I'm not sure what. I'm a mixture of
a) peed off that she thinks we've got nothing else to talk aobut
b) confused as to why she's got in straight away with this proviso
c) wondering if, in her shoes, I'd think the same
d) possibly a bit worried that the last few times she's seen us it's been as interesting as watching paint dry due to kiddie talk (surely not??!)

So AIBU? would you feel a bit miffed, or is it fair enough? Interested in opinions, cos I can't decide how I feel!!

but swallowedafly, people's lives change and evolve - a bit of empathy and interest outside your own immediate sphere is needed long-term if friendships are to survive. The OP is right that this woman's assumption - that they would all blither on about their kids and nothing else - is rude and dismissive.

You can't send out an agenda for a meet-up with friends.

I don't have children (though have been pregnant), and I really enjoy my friends talking about their children, what I don't enjoy is being made to feel that I don't have the right to comment as I 'don't know what it's like' - I know I don't know what being the parent is like, but it doesn't mean I can't join in with - stories of my neices and nephews and godchildren and the teenagers with special needs that I used to look after..it doesn't happen all the time

oops, posted before finishing last sentence with:

but it is a bit excluding

I have a friend who came round when DH was only just born and told me she wouldn't stay if all I was going to do was talk about him. I was a bit but didn't say anything at the time. She doesn't have children, through choice, she says, and I can understand that she doesn't find them interesting/may feel excluded. But she's mad into horses and I find them dull as mud, and I've never asked her to shut up about them, because they're an important aspect of her life. However... if I was going away with her and a bunch of other horsey people I'd probably ask them to broaden the subject matter a bit so that I didn't feel isolated/have nothing to contribute to the conversation and your friend is probably just doing the same. Take it with a pinch of salt

I'd think it. I might well make a polite excuse and decline the invitation on the basis that women with little or nothing but children to talk about bore me rigid.

But I wouldn't say it! It's not for me to tell others what to talk about... my only right is to decide whether to attend and listen.

Well how often has she sat thru sessions where you talk about nothing which she can join in with? That's what it sounds like.

Let's say she's sat thru 5 x sessions of kiddie mania - I reckon a child free event might be in order?

I wasn't quite feeling myself vallhala (was still riding the epidural wave....). I do regret not saying anything though cos I did think it was bloody rude!

I think it's a bit rude of her to try and dictate the conversation - it's as if she's trying to make you feel uncomfortable to talk about your kids so she doesn't have to hear it. If you do talk about other things as well then this is strange. I assume as you are all friends if she is out of the conversation for a while you would find a common interest to talk about so she could feel more included or she could always change the subject herself. Laying down rules before meeting is a wee bit controlling imo.

Reading back and on since I posted - I should have said that I do think it's out of order for your friend to try and control the event, either she comes and puts up with whatever is worrying her , talks to you properly or cuts out of the evening

I think she's probably trying to get across the fact that last time you met up the conversation was almost all about DCs and she felt a bit left out.

(that's giving her the benefit of the doubt, but you're her friend, right?)

Blimey, is it me?

If my friend raised something with me I would assume that as we like each other, she may have some cause.

My friends are not controlling. If this was not usual behaviour I would want to contemplate the possibility that my actions had (inadvertently) caused it.