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Im so down

8 replies

psisedriteoff · 18/05/2011 16:05

Short version

My Dad left Manchester area 32 years ago, he worked in RAF, and whilst in Wales he met my mum.

Whilst my dad was down here, his mother died suddenly of cancer, and his siblingS [1 brother and 1 sister] were taken into care. brother into a foster home, sister into a childrens home

Dad lost contact with them, until 7years ago, when youngest brother, decided to just jump in car and find us [he knew our old address]
Fantastic news he lived closely with sister, so all we reunited

Having got to know them both, my aunt [the sister]had just had an breast removed and chemo for cancer, first time we met her she was bald Sad

Over the next few years, we had regular visits from her, and the brother and his family moved to Wales to be close to us. Aunty visited regularly

We all spoke about the past things we had missed etc, after time, when she trusted us, she told us she was sexually abused in the home for years. Sad

She had got pregnant, and had 2 children, so married the dad [who is not a very nice man] she is still married to him now.

Her DD got pregnant a few years back, after a traumatic birth, she refused to feed/change/hold the baby at the hospital. SS were called, and the baby was given to my aunt

Fast forward 2 years [2years ago]. Aunt had started to limp on a visit down here. She went to the doctors, and after tests, found out the cancer had come back, and was in her bones [hip] The doctors could only prolong her life, as they could not cure it.
She was given 2-3years with chemo, 18 months without.

Having been through chemo before, she refused it, and until august this year, seemed to be doing well. Until a visit down here,she was extremely unwell, she had to cut her visit short, and go back to see what was going on, if it had spread etc

It had, to her liver and her lungs [spots on both], she wanted to see her grandson attend school etc, In October she went on a tablet form chemo to give her the time to do this.

She was quite poorly on the chemo, but over the last 2-3 months, it had been making her much worse [she was in bed by 2pm for the evening]

So 3 weeks ago, she told us all, she had not taken her chemo for 5 weeks, and was not going back on it. In fairness, since stopping the chemo, she was very active, in fact better than I had seen her in months.

Night before last she phoned us, had scan results, news not good. The few spots on her liver, have become massive and vitually covering her liver, and lung is much worse
Doctor given her max 6 months without chemo, max 12 months with

We have all known about this from day one, but the fact now the doctors are talking months, instead of years,
Knowing what a terrible life she has had is destroying me, and the rest of my family

Nothing anyone can say I know Sad

OP posts:

psisedriteoff · 18/05/2011 16:07

sorry about long thread.

Only reason I typed it, was I was in car doing the school run, sat waiting for DS, floods of tears appeared, same thing happened yesterday.

Seems when I have 10mins to myself, the tears start rolling

OP posts:

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 18/05/2011 16:09

Nothing I can say to make you feel better I know :(

Thinking of you and your lovely aunt, hope she finds some peace soon! I watched my mum die from cancer so wont say any of the cliques.......just be gentle on yourself xx


lubberlich · 18/05/2011 16:09

I am very sorry for your Auntie. I hope that she finds some peace and is not in pain.
I was diagnosed with this disease 3 years ago and I have lost many friends to it.
What can you say? Life can be incredibly shit at times.


psisedriteoff · 18/05/2011 16:11

She is only 45 Sad god Im so angry, tearful and hurt

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 18/05/2011 16:12

Very sad. It's normal to cry. Can you talk to your family about how you feel - they might feel the same - or to a friend?

Take one positive from this - you were all reunited while she is still able to get to know you, and for you to get to know her :) x


FreudianSlipper · 18/05/2011 16:16

she does sound to have had a hard life, for some people i would not say its bad luck they just seem to have more than there fair share of problems be it health, personal or both

no doubt her grandchild brings her wonderful joy, these joys at times wipe out pains from the past and for many they can close the door to what happened so it no longer hurts and that is hard for others to understand at times. she may have decided she has been through enough treatment now and wants to enjoy her time left, make the most of it, can her daughter now take care of her child?


psisedriteoff · 18/05/2011 16:27

Its still unclear as to whether it is possible for grandson to back to his mum, she has a new child who she treats like a prince, yet the first born is lucky to see his mum every 2 weeks, then its only when she pops into see her mum, and it isnt time spent with the child IYSWIM.So it is very unlikely.

Aunts DH, has said he will try and have him [he is just as useless tbh], if they all let him down, as my aunt is the guardian, she has told key worker, and a letter left in her will, he is to come to Wales with me.
The way she was abused in care, has made her sort every possibly way to prevent him going into care

OP posts:

FreudianSlipper · 18/05/2011 17:07

could this be finalised as quickly as possible? maybe his mum just needs some help building a relationship with him

sounds like she has put things in place, ask her if there is any legalities that need to be sorted out and maybe help her this way (regarding her grandson coming to live with you) so her last few months can be as worry free as possible

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